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Thread: words rewritten

  1. #1
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    words rewritten

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    Love is the seed of our souls and we are so green,
    Time is a gift we take like theives.

    Green has a double meaning. Young and inexperianced

    still working it out. please give some feed back.

  2. #2
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    The second verse is real good.. it has a lot of impact
    Cy

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  3. #3
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    The second line

    Hi, I'm still not sure I understand the Time/thieves thing. The first line, however, is set. You nailed the right word (green, with its relation to seeds in the word "just" that you used before with trees, but which here has more power implied: good job).
    Where do you steal time from? Do you do that when you are "green" or do you waste it and spend it haphazardly. I'd like to know what you mean there.
    MH

  4. #4
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    what I mean to say

    and love is the begining of life. and when your young Your so full of life but your in inexperianced and you take everything for granted.

  5. #5
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    tell me what you think

    here some more changes I've made.

    love is the seed of our souls and we are so green
    time is our gift and we take it like theives
    suttle rain will always fall
    suttle rain it makes us all
    and nothing else but love will make you stay

  6. #6
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    you could loose the words suttle...also the word.. and... is a linking word that takes some of the impact out of the delivery .It is always best economize. I dont know the melody so its just guess!

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