Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 15

Thread: A very simple concept song please critique

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    124
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    17

    A very simple concept song please critique

    Sign in to disable this ad
    OK the consensus here is that my songs are too long. So here it something I just wrote. So this is my attempt to write a short song. This is not my usual style, but what the hell give me your worst.

    RIDDLE

    It is beauty empirical
    and love spiritual
    Though its so complicated
    From it I could not be seperated
    Its nothing less than my life
    The essence from which all joys are derrived

    CHORUS
    Riddle me with questions
    Of my thoughts and my emotions
    Knowing no answer could appease
    Or bring ease to gnawing insecurities

    Its moving at a breakneck pace
    With your feet in the same place
    Though it consumes you whole
    Without it there can be no soul
    Its can be nothing but a word sometimes
    Unless two people believe its otherwise

    Joe Ford 2003

    Ok so does this song suck or is it a potentially good? I dont have any melody or anything figured out yet.

    Ok back to the fuckin beer

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 1999
    Location
    Denham Springs, Louisiana.....
    Age
    51
    Posts
    10,170
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
    Rep Power
    6448174

    Cool

    are you trying to do something aimed at commercial success?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    124
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    17
    I am putting together tracks for my first home album so not necessarily commercial

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Posts
    325
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    30
    Oh good!

    There aren't too many commercial successes out there with chorus's like that.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    124
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    17
    eh the chorus could be better but I wrote this thing in 10 minutes for the amount of time I spent on it I dont think its bad besides it says right in the title its a concept song


    besides what is wrong with some of you people who automatically assume commercial= derivative and formulaic

    "Oh good!

    There aren't too many commercial successes out there with chorus's like that."

    sheesh I feel sorry for some of you who only see the forest, but miss out on the beauty of the trees...

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Age
    39
    Posts
    24
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0
    my only complaint is that it rhymes too much. Rhyme schemes are fine and dandy, but only when they're used in moderation. Also, I guess it depends on your musical tastes...for instance, listen to Counting Crows "August and Everything After." Fan-freakin-tastic lyric writing, and hardly any rhymes to be found on the whole album. Rhyme schemes are tools, just like vibrato, delay, and range. It's what you do with it that counts...not that you just have it or don't.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Posts
    325
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    30
    I like my trees interesting.
    I didnt diss your lyric, but from the looks of it I cant see anything commercial about it.
    Its just too... introspective? You'd need the best melody/delivery with that to make it 'commercial'.

    Originally posted by lend_me_talent
    eh the chorus could be better but I wrote this thing in 10 minutes for the amount of time I spent on it I dont think its bad besides it says right in the title its a concept song


    besides what is wrong with some of you people who automatically assume commercial= derivative and formulaic

    "Oh good!

    There aren't too many commercial successes out there with chorus's like that."

    sheesh I feel sorry for some of you who only see the forest, but miss out on the beauty of the trees...

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    124
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    17
    Benreturns

    not trying to offend you or anything dude. I grew up listening to such an eclectic selection of shit that my view of commercial is probably just very abstract. No offense man. I appreciated your feedback.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Da Thumb
    Age
    64
    Posts
    1,195
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    67521

    Re: A very simple concept song please critique

    Originally posted by lend_me_talent
    From it I could not be seperated
    This one line is clumsy. The rest is great. Melody and delivery will matter a lot, but this is a good set of lyrics. I liked the loose rhymes especially.

    Originally posted by lend_me_talent
    Ok back to the fuckin beer
    Good idea!

    Daf

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Posts
    325
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    30
    Originally posted by lend_me_talent
    Benreturns

    not trying to offend you or anything dude. I grew up listening to such an eclectic selection of shit that my view of commercial is probably just very abstract. No offense man. I appreciated your feedback.
    Im young. I have an attention span of about 3mins and like songs about shagging haha. No offence mate! Peace dude.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •