Some lyrics to look at.

[JeffC.]

I am not trying to really follow any rules, or copy and one formula. Hopefully I will throw another verse in there at the end. Let me know what you think of the lyrics, and re work anything you deem fitting.


(Verse1)
this is how we live our lives today
its one big game,
and we're not going back because there is no other way
everyones gambled their morals and what they have learned
its more than over and i guess it doesnt matter
how it ended because its never going to stop
we cant quit now, we're the youth, and we are coming out on top.

(Chorus)
no broken hearts lost guitars or
empty ious waiting in the heat front of bars
no worrying about death, ex girlfriends or our lives falling apart
we're the big city culture
and we've had nothing to lose from the start

(Verse2)
and the streets are empty tonight
except for the man shinging shoes
singing a song, playimg drums
letting his words break through
over our broken chords
shaking the first floor we he lived with her
we got the feel for that we were, going to war

CHORUS

(Bridge)
John's been smoking since this journey started
lighting the sky on fire ever since bostons been dead

CHORUS

 

[jjtcorsair]

I'll be brutally honest since no one else will. These lyrics are a mess. I have no idea what you're trying to say. There might be some typos in there as well. The first verse is just a jumble of information that doesn't really add up to anything. Are you trying to say that the youth today doesn't play by the rules? I don't have a clue. Keep it simple and try to write lyrics that people can relate to. Like:

We live our lives like it's one big game
We've got no morals, We've got no shame
It doesn't matter 'cuz it's not gonna stop
We're the kids, comin' out on top.

That was kind of lame, but I just was trying to distill your first verse into something more straight forward.

There's some good ideas in the chorus, "no lost guitars"... "heat front of bars"
But again it's too confusing and the metaphors are kind of strange. I mean what is a heat front of a bar? "Big city culture" is way to vague and kind of trite.

Try to think of this as your first draft and then refine the words using imagery that the listener can relate to. The last thing about John smoking might be a good place to start, also the shoe shiner.

Just my nickels worth... Good luck.

Jon

 

[studioviols]

You may have 15 ideas in your head that mean a lot to you. And then you try to cram them all in one song, thinking that is the 'Grand Slam' that everyone can relate to. That is furthest from good songwriting.

- We're the kids, comin' out on top -

The poster before me has given you your hook, and your chorus and chorus reprise ...

This is really what the song is about, this is what kids want to hear.

A simple message, about hope, and a brighter future ... methinks.

If you take a cube of wood between your fingers, whittling it down to the smallest, most beautiful grain in that cube, takes incredible skill, and watch that you don't cut your fingers !

 

[AJ_Cantos]

In my own point of view... This lyrics aren't Shakespeare's but aren't that bad some said up this tread. If you don't wanna be direct, you don't need to be direct... music is art and art must mean something to you, NO matter if other people don't understand it,IT'S THEIR PROBLEM! These lyrics are Ok, and probably are ok 'cause they aren't direct, I mean, if all of us write straight forward lyrics, at the end, we all will write that sucking lyrics with loads of hearts, and loves, and all that too used words and sentences. If there is a meaning for the song, don't worry if it isn't straight, 'cause every word has it own reason, and that's what is important. I repeat this is an opinion, and don't wanna pretend being some kind of god, the final decision it's up to you.

Luck!