The singer of my band writes terrible lyrics (with examples)

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church_bites

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So I'm in a band which shall remain nameless, and I really love a lot of the musical stuff we're doing, but our singer/rhythm guitarist writes really simple, juvenile lyrics. Here's an example of one of his better works:

Verse 1: Sometimes, all does not seem right and then
I wonder, when in the night, will come, to an end
and when will you, rescue you me old friend

Chorus: And then, somehow, you hold me in your arms
You still, allow me to be free, and yet
You never let me go too far, you tell of all your dreams for me

I am yours (repeated)

Verse 2: I have not, lost hope yet, because I know
You have a dream for me, to fulfill even when it seems
too big

Repeat chorus.

Now, I personally think this is terrible lyric writing, and our music really deserves better lyrics than this. What do you think? I'd like to get a lot of different opinions here.
 
church_bites said:
So I'm in a band which shall remain nameless, and I really love a lot of the musical stuff we're doing, but our singer/rhythm guitarist writes really simple, juvenile lyrics. Here's an example of one of his better works:

Verse 1: Sometimes, all does not seem right and then
I wonder, when in the night, will come, to an end
and when will you, rescue you me old friend

Chorus: And then, somehow, you hold me in your arms
You still, allow me to be free, and yet
You never let me go too far, you tell of all your dreams for me

I am yours (repeated)

Verse 2: I have not, lost hope yet, because I know
You have a dream for me, to fulfill even when it seems
too big

Repeat chorus.

Now, I personally think this is terrible lyric writing, and our music really deserves better lyrics than this. What do you think? I'd like to get a lot of different opinions here.
Click to expand...
Post something you have in mind, and see how it compares. If you have better ideas, let him know. Maybe he can come up with some better stuff, if just pushed a bit...
 
Abra abracadabra
I wanna reach out and grab ya
Abra abracadabra
Abracadabra
 
I've suggested to him that maybe his lyrics could use some improvement, and even gave some suggestions. So far, it has not really seemed to make a big difference. It's almost as if he doesn't see how his lyrics are bad. It's getting really frustrating too. I write my own songs and sing them, but my lyrics don't really seem to fit with his.
 
church_bites said:
So I'm in a band which shall remain nameless, and I really love a lot of the musical stuff we're doing, but our singer/rhythm guitarist writes really simple, juvenile lyrics. Here's an example of one of his better works:

Verse 1: Sometimes, all does not seem right and then
I wonder, when in the night, will come, to an end
and when will you, rescue you me old friend

Chorus: And then, somehow, you hold me in your arms
You still, allow me to be free, and yet
You never let me go too far, you tell of all your dreams for me

I am yours (repeated)

Verse 2: I have not, lost hope yet, because I know
You have a dream for me, to fulfill even when it seems
too big

Repeat chorus.

Now, I personally think this is terrible lyric writing, and our music really deserves better lyrics than this. What do you think? I'd like to get a lot of different opinions here.
Click to expand...
I would suggest to him that he should remove about 75% of the commas. That's a good place to start. After that, replace 75% of the words with more interesting words. It's really just that simple!
 
church_bites said:
So I'm in a band .........

Now, I personally think this is terrible lyric writing, and our music really deserves better lyrics than this. What do you think? I'd like to get a lot of different opinions here.
Click to expand...

What do you want your songs to be about ? As an "older" writer I don't care
to re-hash the same old hash...and typically insert my , if you will.... personal views on the world as I :eek: see it ..... so I would NOT know how to advise Your singer how to write songs You like.....

Does your band have a message ? Should your songs ?
I post most of my lyrics with songs on soundclick ...some might be
appropriate to adapt to other genres .....you are welcome to
read and even borrow lyrics as long as you acknowledge me as author.
Good luck
John
1/2 of KBC
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=319503
 
MobbEuro said:
dude blows


so does your band


so fuck it
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oh dear. what a total knobjockey you are. if his lyrics or band suck, IYO, then at least back it up with a reason. muppet.

andyhix is actually right in many ways. i can see the point of the song, but just the wrong words are being used to do it. just go through it and replace the cliches.
dunno about how other people write, but i personally just write everything down, even if i think it's crap, cos eventually something good comes out. even if it doesnt, an idea does.
take his lyrics, sit down with him, and just re-write it for him in certain places.
but whether lyrics are cheesy or poor or not - the hard part and sometimes the real art is how it sounds like with music around it.

hope that makes sense

CHeers

Mark
 
i run into the same thing we're in our mid to late 30's and our singer writes like he's 16 yrs old ....
example.... brush the hair back from your face
she can never take your place..... :eek:

i always ask him "what are you saying" and it never fails it's always about a girl leaving him, and on the chance it isn't, it's some of the most chauvinistic lyrics you can find ....

my advice is to sit him down and tell him it ain't working maybe try to help him write something different, of course if he's like my guy he'll get pissed, and anytime you bring something up he'll diss your stuff too
 
Maybe it'd be easier to nudge him in the direction he's already leaning...don't try to encourage him to be good...just feed the bad. Might as well be at one of the extremes than in the middle. He could be like the Ed Wood of the music world...an you know we all love Ed Wood
 
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Thanks

I really appreciate all the advice I've been receiving. I realize that lyrics are different from poetry in that they are set to music, and therefore must be judged against the music they accompany. However, I realize that I failed to mention that we are all music majors, and we are sorted headed into the prog-rock/art-rock area.

Since our music is complex and creative, I think the lyrics should fit with the general mood. The thing that's tough is I really like what we're doing musically, and the energy between the bandmates is really good, our live shows always kick ass. I also am good friends with everyone in the band, so that's why I don't just want to call it quits. Anyways, I am going to take some of the suggestions I have received on here and see how they work out. Thanks to all those who contributed anything useful and/or relevant to the topic.
 
I used to frequent a few songwriting forums, particularly where lyrics are the focus. I can tell you that your bandmate's lyrics wouldn't fare well there. I suggest you encourage him to post his lyrics on one of these forums. Members there will give feedback, mostly in a constructive way. He may actually enjoy the give and take process, all intended to improve ones lyric writing ability. If interested and you don't already know about these forums, let me know here and I'll post some links.

Having said this, although I personally stive to balance the quality of my lyrics with my music, I'm one who thinks that the music/melody/vocal hook is more important than the lyric itself.
 
Alot of great epic songs have terrible lyrics but the delivery by the singer and the band can make the song great. The best lyrics mean nothing when they are delivered by the uninspired or just plain poor musicians.
Young writers like to think they can change the world be revealing their deep feelings about rain or traumatic childhood blues.
The best music is about conveying feelings and a few word can say more than a plethora ever could. Still I hates achy breaky heart.
 
if his lyrics are so bad, why not write some better ones yourself, maybe he'll realise that yours are better and either let you do it, or he'll improve.
 
I think the phrasing is as important as the lyrics, some of the corniest songs sound great if they are sung in a convincing way. If you are performing and getting a good responses, then it sounds like the audience aren't disturbed by the lyrics. Maybe you are a budding singer and would like to perform your own songs?..............Barb
 
WLNIBORED said:
Alot of great epic songs have terrible lyrics but the delivery by the singer and the band can make the song great.
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i agree with this a lot. i'm thinking of a few classic songs by queen, manic street preachers, soul asylum, bryan adams (the master of cliche IMO), etc. some lyrics which on paper are pretty awful looking ("how the fck do you sing THAT?") but when they've been turned into full on songs, they rock.

olfunk has a point tho by saying about writing lyrics yourself.
 
I just wonder sometimes what somebody like the guy from 'Sevendust' would do with a lyric like this? Or Chino from 'Deftones'. I read lyric's from successful albums all the time, and they are all fairly 'airy-fairy'. I mean, how deep and meaninful do they have to be anyway? If your guys singing is way too clear, It's gonna suck.
Don't hand the listener the lyrics on a plate, tell the singer to use his voice like an instrument to deliver 'sounds' that incorporate his lyrics. Hell, we could all use a little inspiration sometimes, instead of a kick in the b***s! Bob
 
Sometimes you got to go to the bathroom before you can get any real work done, you know get the shit out of the way. I think its part of transistion. On a rare Bon Scott c.d. he does a version of "knick knack paddy whack give a dog a bone" (yes the kiddy tune!). If he had not done that would they have ever go to "giving a dog a bone"?
Creative roads have bumps and dips.
 
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