on a scale of one to two, let me know what you think

grn

Well-known member
this one is untitled and sometimes I fuck up the vocal, but it's a demo... looking for songwriting critique's here, not recording quality. I'm pretty sure I'm putting this one on our next full length. which we are supporting with tour in june (if you have read the other thread I posted).



look at her, she don't love like him, no
she's said "I love you" too many times before

she'll uncover that the love she felt is gone, but then
rediscover that she loves him when he's gone

these words, her comfort, lose sense in habit
she can't see beyond the here and now

she'll uncover that the love she felt is gone, but then
rediscover that she loves him when he's gone

now just supposing she finds an answer
will she find the one she's looking for?

she'll uncover that the love she felt is gone, but then
rediscover that she loves him when he's gone
 
I think it sounds cool. A real indie sound to my ears , if that makes sense. I probably shouldnt put a label on indie sound but if I had to , id think of this.

The chorus seems like a mouthful to sing. I like the lyrics reguardless. Im not much of a songwriter but thats just what I think. Take it or leave it. Keep playing.
 
grn said:
only one person?

i'd give it nearly a 2, mainly because it made me smile (im not sure if that was the intention!) - it's very quirky, mainly due to the way it's sung. something of a love child between radiohead and green day...
i think it needs a bit more though. the verses are short and the chorus part comes around very quickly, so the song is over before you know it. maybe you need to extend the verses slighly and perhaps add some form of bridge just to take the song off its routine for a minute.
would be keen to hear when it sounds closer to what you want it to be!

cheers

Mark
 
I liked the clanging e string at times there. But I guess your guitar might have some alternate tuning. At times some good harmony between the guitar drones and your voice. Between 1 and 2? Gee, 1.65. The 'but then' sounded tough for you to get. I liked the slurred vocals.
 
thanks guys, can we switch to using euclidean geometry to rate songs - btw, it was tuned down a whole step, then I dropped D, well I guess in this case I dropped from a D to a C to get that 'clanging E string'. when I finish the real thing I'll post it up. any more comments are welcome.
 
Ok, I give you a cube and a sphere and I based this on the axiomatic system...but I had to use google to get all those flash words
 
I liked it as it - definitely a 2.... I'd also be interested in the final version but as I said I liked it as is! :D
 
nice melody

has a mick jagger slur feel to it (hope that's not an insult)

it's hard to comment on the song itself when the delivery seems to be what it's all about. lots of people might write songs this simple but not pull it off.

hmmm

the song, your song, in your context really works
 
I hear that a lot, which is nice to know that no one will have an easy time covering it
 
a full recording probably won't be done for awhile, I have to finish with this damn EP we're doing first =\
 
cool.

don't do the really low part of the melody, clean up the playing, and it's a cool little listen.

1.6.

i can't believe no one mentioned RUFUS WAINRIGHT. you sound a lot a lot a lot like him.

find the beatles cover of "across the universe" that he did and you'll be like "holy crap!!"

if there was a vocalist i wish i could sound like or have sing on a record for me is rufus. he's my favorite vocalist ever. he's a bit more refined and relaxed, but you sound a lot like him.
 
grn, that's a 2. for sure.

i think it sounds great when you drop down low, and it works on those lyrics too.
i also like the loose guitaring.

i don't think it benefits anyone anything to compare them to other singers. if grn is anything like me, he's comparing himself to other singers all the time. besides, i don't feel wainwright's similar at all.

to me wainwright's ok; he sounds like a naive jeff buckley, or a boring thom yorke even. but, elton john loves him. girls love him.
give me jeff or thom any day.
 
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