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Fangar

Fangar

New member
Hey Guys,

Been a while since I worked out anything new. This is one that spilled out over the past week or so. The Tune is pretty much arranged and the parts written. I am getting a new PC setup next week and hope to get some time to get back at it. Anyway, here are the lyrics for now. Thanks for looking.

Really There?

Verse:
Wait a minute, what's your name?
Don't I know you?
You've got a strange familiar face
But, I can't place you.

I’m thinking I should known your name.
Do you know me?
I feel I've been through this before,
Can you help me?

Chorus:
I raise my arm to take your extended hand
Then cringe to find there's no one there.
I'm standing all alone examining
Not sure if you were really there?

Verse:
Am I in an altered state?
I can't be dreaming.
Staring at my shaking hands
My mind is racing.

A warm emotion fills your face.
It calms my being.
But in an instant fear returns.
You're looking through me.

Chrous:
I raise my arm to take your extended hand
Then cringe to find there's no one there.
I'm standing all alone examining
Not sure if you were really there?

Bridge:
With my last breath I try to scream.
But no one hears me.
I stagger and fall down to my knees.
My world is spinning.

No one stops, or looks at all.
They can’t see me.
I grasp my chest to try to breath.
A calm is nearing.

(Possible Solo location...)

Chrous / Altered:
I feel the coldness taking over me.
My body falls, I close my eyes.
I feel my worldly thoughts escaping me.
My soul now weightless starts to rise.

Outro.

Cheers,

Fangar
 
Fangar said:
Chorus:
I raise my arm to take your extended hand
Then cringe to find there's no one there.
I'm standing all alone examining
Not sure if you were really there?

Bridge:
With my last breath I try to scream.
But no one hears me.
I stagger and fall down to my knees.
My world is spinning.

Fangar
Click to expand...
Verses flow nicely....good images and feeling in the entire song.

The words "cringe" and "examining" in the chorus aren't working well when I read them. Nothing inherently wrong, just a feeling.....

A similar part I can't get is the lack of rhyme on the last line of the bridge....

However I'll have to hear the tune to get a better feel - it's probably not an issue in the tune.....

Cool - post a link when you can.... :D
 
Thanks for the reply and your thoughts. It seems to flow ok with the tune, but I do however see your raised points. Hopefully I will get some time to lay it all out and post it up.

Cheers,

Fangar
 
I used to do a bit of music Journalism, I'll do you a review of the song, but not the lyrics. I don't like 'Lyrics are the most important thing in a song' approach, so gimme something to listen to and I'll tell ya what I think
 
Hrm.
The imagry is nice, the basic idea of the song is great...

I don't see any rhyme.. which may work, or may not depending on your music.
In the chorus... reading "I raise my arm to take your extended hand" is uncomfortable. I think your trying to match EX-ten-DED HAND with EX-am-IN-ING, but I'm not sure.

I raise my arm to take your extended hand
Then cringe to find there's no one there.
I'm standing all alone examining
Not sure if you were really there?

howabout...

I raise my arm to take your hand
Then cringe to find that you aren't there
I'm standing in a cloud of doubt
Not sure if you were really here

Keep chiseling at it. Theres good stuff in there.
 
Some good suggestions.

I know that when I read just the lyrics of a song, I often have a hard time seeing the flow and making sense of the dynamics of the word placement, etc. Your wording defitnately makes sense. However, it doesn't fit the flow of the tune if you were to here it. All the more reason to record a scratch track of it at least to share.

I see your point about rhyming, but don't always go that route. In my opinion, there is no requisit to rhym. In many of my songs, I go there but for some reason didn't on this one.

I hope to get some time within next 43 years to record at least a scratch to share. Thanks for the response.

Fangar
 
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