Rate my lyrics for me, please. . . Keep 'Em or Trash 'Em???

Brian R.

New member
Hey, everyone! I'm new here, and also fairly new to songwriting, but I want to ask everyone's opinion of my lyrical ideas, so let me know. . . keep 'em or trash 'em???

Song Title: "Girls"

This is a song about some of my favorite things. . ./
They're soft, cuddly, and fun to play with. . ./
This is a song about GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!/

I used to write songs 'bout girls but I never got laid/
I used to write songs 'bout chicks but it's always the same/
Now I write songs about ladies, but they don't want to hear it/
I'd write a song about women, but they won't understand it/

Pre-Chorus: Like E.C. said, "It's how you use it"/
Sometimes, it's russian roulette/

Chorus: I'm talkin' bout Girls!/
It's all about Girls. . ./
Nothin' but Girls. . ./
All about Girls!/

Now as I sit in this restaurant tryin' to write this damn song/
I'm drawin' a blank/
Can't write songs about Girls anymore/
'cuz I've got one in the band. . ./
Hell, I'd write a song about the waitress with the nice booty/
but she wouldn't have a use for it/
All she wants from me is a tip/
hah! SERVICE WITH A SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!/

Wooooo!!!!!!!!

The End

Well?????????

Thumbs up, or thumbs down???

Is this the song that'll make me a million and get me laid three (or four!) times a night, or not. . .

Be kind!

Brian
 
Anybody? Please, just some opinions. . . good, not good, funny, not funny, indifferent, or whatever. . . my best female friend thought it was the funniest thing she's ever read, so I just thought I'd solicit some other opinions. It's intended to be sort of a power-pop, new wave-type guitar tune. . .

Any thoughts at all would be appreciated!

Brian

(P.S. I realize people's thoughts are elsewhere the last day or two, but we can still relax and take our minds off things by having some fun at these boards. . .) :>)
 
Brian,

I read your lyrics so I'll offer my opinion. :)

They sound perhaps like a folk song to me, with their explicit, narrative style.

However, there isn't a rhyme scheme, and I know a rhyme scheme isn't a necessity, but it may help your lyrics to flow a bit better.

Lol, I'm gonna be sceptical here and question whether this song will make you a million:

With it being written from such a sexually-orientated perspective you have to ask yourself if it will be welcomely received by the female half of your potential audience.

After all, this is the 21st century; political correctness and all that jazz. :D

Just my opinion, hope this helps,

-Matt
 
Hey, thanks for the opinion! I guess with the rhyming thing, I should clarify. . . the lyrics would be SPOKEN, not sung, so my feeling is, not rhyming would make sense from that perspective, as the lyrics really wouldn't have a "flow" to 'em then. I envision it as the type of fast, fun rocker that would sound best in a club, with perhaps alot of "audience participation" (whatever THAT might be!!!! I could be asking for trouble. . .LOL!!!). As for the "folk" thing, that's a interesting thought. My friend thought it would sound good in a "country" vein. I'm thinking, though, that it's a basic riff-rocker, punk/new wave maybe? I've actually got the music written for it, but alas, it's not on-line anywhere for people to get a better idea of what I'm talking about. The best thing I can compare it to, is a song that was popular about 10 or 11 years ago called "I'm an Adult Now", by The Pursuit of Happiness. If anybody remembers that tune, this would be along the same lines, music and attitude-wise.

Keep the opinions comin'!!!

Brian
 
Here ya go!!!!!!!!

If you want a hot song, man, I'll tell ya, it's all about profanity and sexual innuendo, mmmkaay........... Steve :p
 
I like it!! is not the best shit I've ever heard in my life, but you know... if you only read the lyrics, it's not a big impact!
I don't know what to say about the rhyme... because, you know sometimes you can loose the sense of the song, and some other cool stuff you have in there and in the other hand start sounding like a children's song... :D
Anyway, you wanna make it like rock!! look into rock lyrics and you'll notice that a big part of them don't have a rhyme at all!!

It's all about the melody you use!!
 
Brian R. said:
thumbs up, or thumbs down???

Is this the song that'll make me a million and get me laid three (or four!) times a night, or not. . .

Be kind!

Brian



Pass on that one buddy,

You seem to be wrighting about nothing. Music in a art is about expressing your self from the inner you
 
No emotion shall be discriminated!!
If he just felt like funny and wrote a song to make people laugh, that's just perfect if that's how he feels!!
"Nothing" would be if he was writting about his sentimental aproach to girls, and the true love, but he never got laid :D
 
A few years back a guy I know wrote a song, country style. I contained remarks as to the 'usage' of women and plenty of profanity.
I was present when his publisher listened to it. A line of advice was, and I'm paraphrasing;

"Clean up your lyrics, change the phrasing on using women. You'll not get air time except on a very few stations."


I have to toss my hat in the ring with Matt's opinion.
I wouldn't toss the song though, I'd spend a bit more time on it.
Good luck with it.
 
Thanks for the input, gang! It would seem, though, that Pablo is the only one who truly "gets it". It's a joke, and the interesting thing is, the one person, outside of Pablo and not on this board, who completely "gets it" is a female friend of mine, 27 years old and "with it", who thought it was about the funniest thing she's ever read. She also happens to know about my past luck (or lack thereof!) with women, so she knows that some parts of the song are true. So, no, I wasn't writing about "nothing", but some true experiences. . . LOL!!! :>)

Brian

(BTW, I was joking about it being the song that would make me a millionaire!!! No such expectations on this end. . .)
 
Why you,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,!!!!
I fell for it.
I owe ya one.
Yeah, I'll be on the lookout for you. *<;-)
 
Brian R. said:
Thanks for the input, gang! It would seem, though, that Pablo is the only one who truly "gets it". It's a joke, and the interesting thing is, the one person, outside of Pablo and not on this board, who completely "gets it" is a female friend of mine, 27 years old and "with it", who thought it was about the funniest thing she's ever read. She also happens to know about my past luck (or lack thereof!) with women, so she knows that some parts of the song are true. So, no, I wasn't writing about "nothing", but some true experiences. . . LOL!!! :>)

Brian

(BTW, I was joking about it being the song that would make me a millionaire!!! No such expectations on this end. . .)

Hey, :P

I wouldn't say that I didn't get your song; I realise it was tongue in cheek, which is how I meant my reply as to why I didn't think it would make you a million.
:)
Keep writing,

-Matt
 
Gag, choke, spit, nausea!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just one untalented song writers true opinion, but then other stuff I've said that about has made a million bucks! Just honest opinion, no thrashing intended.
 
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