Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 14

Thread: Rate my lyrics for me, please. . . Keep 'Em or Trash 'Em???

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Posts
    13
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Question Rate my lyrics for me, please. . . Keep 'Em or Trash 'Em???

    Sign in to disable this ad
    Hey, everyone! I'm new here, and also fairly new to songwriting, but I want to ask everyone's opinion of my lyrical ideas, so let me know. . . keep 'em or trash 'em???

    Song Title: "Girls"

    This is a song about some of my favorite things. . ./
    They're soft, cuddly, and fun to play with. . ./
    This is a song about GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!/

    I used to write songs 'bout girls but I never got laid/
    I used to write songs 'bout chicks but it's always the same/
    Now I write songs about ladies, but they don't want to hear it/
    I'd write a song about women, but they won't understand it/

    Pre-Chorus: Like E.C. said, "It's how you use it"/
    Sometimes, it's russian roulette/

    Chorus: I'm talkin' bout Girls!/
    It's all about Girls. . ./
    Nothin' but Girls. . ./
    All about Girls!/

    Now as I sit in this restaurant tryin' to write this damn song/
    I'm drawin' a blank/
    Can't write songs about Girls anymore/
    'cuz I've got one in the band. . ./
    Hell, I'd write a song about the waitress with the nice booty/
    but she wouldn't have a use for it/
    All she wants from me is a tip/
    hah! SERVICE WITH A SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!/

    Wooooo!!!!!!!!

    The End

    Well?????????

    Thumbs up, or thumbs down???

    Is this the song that'll make me a million and get me laid three (or four!) times a night, or not. . .

    Be kind!

    Brian

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Posts
    13
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0
    Anybody? Please, just some opinions. . . good, not good, funny, not funny, indifferent, or whatever. . . my best female friend thought it was the funniest thing she's ever read, so I just thought I'd solicit some other opinions. It's intended to be sort of a power-pop, new wave-type guitar tune. . .

    Any thoughts at all would be appreciated!

    Brian

    (P.S. I realize people's thoughts are elsewhere the last day or two, but we can still relax and take our minds off things by having some fun at these boards. . .) :>)

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Location
    east sussex, england
    Posts
    59
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    20
    Brian,

    I read your lyrics so I'll offer my opinion.

    They sound perhaps like a folk song to me, with their explicit, narrative style.

    However, there isn't a rhyme scheme, and I know a rhyme scheme isn't a necessity, but it may help your lyrics to flow a bit better.

    Lol, I'm gonna be sceptical here and question whether this song will make you a million:

    With it being written from such a sexually-orientated perspective you have to ask yourself if it will be welcomely received by the female half of your potential audience.

    After all, this is the 21st century; political correctness and all that jazz.

    Just my opinion, hope this helps,

    -Matt

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Posts
    13
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0
    Hey, thanks for the opinion! I guess with the rhyming thing, I should clarify. . . the lyrics would be SPOKEN, not sung, so my feeling is, not rhyming would make sense from that perspective, as the lyrics really wouldn't have a "flow" to 'em then. I envision it as the type of fast, fun rocker that would sound best in a club, with perhaps alot of "audience participation" (whatever THAT might be!!!! I could be asking for trouble. . .LOL!!!). As for the "folk" thing, that's a interesting thought. My friend thought it would sound good in a "country" vein. I'm thinking, though, that it's a basic riff-rocker, punk/new wave maybe? I've actually got the music written for it, but alas, it's not on-line anywhere for people to get a better idea of what I'm talking about. The best thing I can compare it to, is a song that was popular about 10 or 11 years ago called "I'm an Adult Now", by The Pursuit of Happiness. If anybody remembers that tune, this would be along the same lines, music and attitude-wise.

    Keep the opinions comin'!!!

    Brian

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Location
    east sussex, england
    Posts
    59
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    20
    Brian,

    Afraid I haven't heard the song you compare it to.
    Goodluck finishing your one,

    -Matt

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2001
    Location
    Posts
    87
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    20

    Thumbs up Here ya go!!!!!!!!

    If you want a hot song, man, I'll tell ya, it's all about profanity and sexual innuendo, mmmkaay........... Steve

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Location
    St. Louis, MO
    Age
    37
    Posts
    170
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    20

    Thumbs up

    I like it!! is not the best shit I've ever heard in my life, but you know... if you only read the lyrics, it's not a big impact!
    I don't know what to say about the rhyme... because, you know sometimes you can loose the sense of the song, and some other cool stuff you have in there and in the other hand start sounding like a children's song...
    Anyway, you wanna make it like rock!! look into rock lyrics and you'll notice that a big part of them don't have a rhyme at all!!

    It's all about the melody you use!!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Location
    Trance Producer
    Age
    45
    Posts
    14
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Thumbs down Re: Rate my lyrics for me, please. . . Keep 'Em or Trash 'Em???

    Originally posted by Brian R.
    thumbs up, or thumbs down???

    Is this the song that'll make me a million and get me laid three (or four!) times a night, or not. . .

    Be kind!

    Brian


    Pass on that one buddy,

    You seem to be wrighting about nothing. Music in a art is about expressing your self from the inner you
    [img]http://www.eurodancehits.com/trancemaster29.jpg[/img]The past will never come back, the future you will have not seen, the present shall always be....

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Location
    St. Louis, MO
    Age
    37
    Posts
    170
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    20
    No emotion shall be discriminated!!
    If he just felt like funny and wrote a song to make people laugh, that's just perfect if that's how he feels!!
    "Nothing" would be if he was writting about his sentimental aproach to girls, and the true love, but he never got laid

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Location
    McCleary, Washington
    Age
    72
    Posts
    1,227
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    25404
    A few years back a guy I know wrote a song, country style. I contained remarks as to the 'usage' of women and plenty of profanity.
    I was present when his publisher listened to it. A line of advice was, and I'm paraphrasing;

    "Clean up your lyrics, change the phrasing on using women. You'll not get air time except on a very few stations."


    I have to toss my hat in the ring with Matt's opinion.
    I wouldn't toss the song though, I'd spend a bit more time on it.
    Good luck with it.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •