Please check this out. You won't be disappointed.

D

Diversion

New member
This song is a collaboration between myself and someone I have never met, who lives over the other side of the world. It was recorded totally in GarageBand.

Have a listen to it here.

It would be great if you guys could leave a comment and tell us what you think.
 
Worked for me.
Since this is the songwriting forum, I assume you want songwriting opinions rather than production/recording opinions, but I will say I liked the lead vox a lot.
Now: your song form is unusual...AAABB. Because you have three verses in a row the song starts to drag a little until the chorus FINALLY comes in. I think the song would be much more affective if you brought the chorus in after the second verse, then again after the third verse.
You could generate continued interest in your chorus by having each preceding verse cast it in a new light. For example: Verse 2 could end with lines to the effect of "she told me it was over between us". The meaning of the words "moment of impact" in the chorus that followed would be perceived as "the moment her words hit me". Then after the third verse the listener realizes there is a double meaning in the chorus becuase the dude's been hit by a train. It's a light bulb moment for the listener that maintains interest and provides dimension.

The rhyme scheme is also a little predictable. I did like some of the lyrics though. To me this is a good idea that still needs work. As always, it's your song and you can decide my advice is a load of crap if you like.

A
 
It half worked for me, the streaming kept breaking, (I have a 2.2Meg connection) I got about half of it before I got fed up. Anyway, I agree with Aaron, I think, in that I sensed it needed more variety, life and movement, but there is something very good there. You seem to have a lot of friends on that site ;)

Hope that helps a tiny bit :)
 
OK I'll be a nice guy for a change and tell you that I liked it. I will agree though, you need something to break up the song after the second verse. If you don't want to use the chorus then you might work out a bridge of some sort just to break the cycle. All in all, it sounds better than a lot of stuff that is getting air time.
 
Thanks for your kind and constructive words. The site had some problems with bandwidth and stuff a while ago, which would explain the stream breaking up. They've fixed it up now though.

Anyway, if anyone's interested, I have just released my new song,"This is about you.
 
Howdi Diversion, Newbie here. I liked your song. Considering it was compiled from the opposite sides of the earth, well done. I'm a little confused as to who did what, but I heard a lot of potential. Would like to hear more.................Barb.
 
Hi people It's Bob, good work the both of you. Great concept, would like to hear some keyboard pads or riffs early on. Some breathing sounds of vocalist in first verse caught my attention, and a vocal pop. I liked the general production, It has a pro sounding mix. Some of the lyrics sound hard to put feeling into, but hey, pretty good, I know how hard it is to get to this stage, Great work! Bob
 
Not a bad tune at all. The only issue I have with the tune is it's too repititious. It needs another part to break it up. Good performances though.
 
A mini review of "this is about you" by Diversion....................
Hi my names Bob, Excellent for a demo, Just add some keyboard and this would be a full production. Better by heaps the compilation song. Great work. You should be working in the industry for sure! Bob
 
Hi Diversion, Barb here, my husband and I are sharing an identity at the moment.
'This is about you', I love it, loved the guitar, and the singing, well mixed, did you do it all yourself?..............
 
I gave it a couple of go throughs... and I think I like your voice more than the song itself. I thought your voice easily sounded like one I could hear on radio/MTV, but I thought the phrasing could have been a bit more impactful. Maybe that was the intended effect, but I thought you could have mixed it up a bit. I think that would have made the lyrics more appealing (not that they weren't), and made the song flow a bit better, then the arrangement could have been worked around what you were trying to do vocally
 
Nice songs. I really liked the vocals on the slower song. I actually got the chills when the bass came in. All you used was garageband?

:)
 
This is the best vocals I've heard by an amature. However the music writing of the song stands to be improved dramatically.

Meldoies are cool. Arrangement and orchestration suck.

Overall all you kickass.
 
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