Life Doesn't Rhyme

T

TaoManna Don

man of [quite a]few words
I notice that my other thread about rhyming is still active after almost a year. Rhyming is one of the songwriter's most important tools. Maybe it's time to start a brand new discussion on the subject. So here goes:

Here is a country-flavored lyric just for songwriters.

This lyric is definitely "not" on its way to a radio near you; but a lively discussion on the message contained within the lyric might be useful to a lot of songwriters. I added some notes after the lyric if you want a little more explanation. Obviously, there are differing opinions on this subject -- here's mine:



Life Doesn't Rhyme

Verse 1:
Weaving through the five o'clock traffic
You're eager to get home
There's a wonderful song idea bursting from your brain
You can't let it escape you
Before it's written down

Verse 2:
Sitting at the dining room table
The page fills up with notes
But you stumble until you stall, straining for some rhymes
You can't finish the lyric
The inspiration's gone

Chorus:
Cause life doesn't rhyme
Life can be painful or joyful
But it can't be rainful or toyful
Take a look around and you will know it...
Life doesn't rhyme
You probably won't bore us with a few rhymes in the chorus
But when the verses tell your story let them show it...
Life doesn't rhyme

Bridge:
Rhymes can come off clever, cool, or funny
You need a million rhymes or more when writing rap
Rhymes can steal the sweetness from a sober-minded song
Or turn your great idea into crap

Chorus:
Cause life doesn't rhyme
Life can be painful or joyful
But it can't be rainful or toyful
Take a look around and you will know it...
Life doesn't rhyme
You probably won't bore us with a few rhymes in the chorus
But when the verses tell your story let them show it...
Life doesn't rhyme

----------------------------

In case you're still wondering, the song's message is this: the verses tell the story, the story is a slice of life, and life doesn't rhyme.

That doesn't necessarily mean "absolutely no rhymes" in the verses, just not so many; and none, if you don't really need them. The real test is this: if you didn't have to rhyme, would you have written the lyric the same way? Or did the rhymes tell you what to say? (Hey! That rhymed!)

Notice the verses above. No rhymes needed, because the lines where rhymes might appear were different lengths and/or different rhythmic patterns. Use that technique and you will need fewer rhymes. Unrhymed verses will sound fresh in your listener's ear, even after hearing the song several times. Make your listener wait until the chorus for your rhymes and the rhymes will sound much sweeter.

Look at all the "perfect" rhymes in the chorus above. The chorus is a good place for a few rhymes but I've used too many here; too many rhymes can detract from the song's message. "Perfect" rhymes often don't sound serious enough for a serious song. Perfect rhymes have all been heard before; the ear tires quickly from hearing them again and again. Perfect rhymes tend to telagraph their counterparts -- how long did it take you to expect "show it" after reading "know it"? Rhyming "bore us" and "chorus" sounds a bit clever, but, if I were trying to be serious, "bore us" and "chorus" would detract from (not support) the message. Rhyming "rap" and "crap" sounds funny in the bridge; but it wouldn't work in a serious song. Limit the number of rhyming words even in the chorus; use near rhymes like consonance rhymes (the final consonants are the same) and assonance rhymes (the vowels rhyme) whenever you can.

I just noticed that this lyric might also be an example of a little too much alliteration. I love alliteration; but, while a little alliteration is lovely and lyrical, a lot of allitertation is a lousy overload. (OK, I've used up my "L" quota, so I gotta get the "L" outta here.)

Keep writing,
Don
 
:D :D :D

"Life doesn't rhyme" is a very cool line. Wish I'd thought of it. On the other hand I'm glad I never came up with "rainful or toyful" :)

Anyway, got the message, I think you make some cool posts here:)

(Although the smell of cooked liver makes me instantly nauseous and so, I'm afraid, does the sound of country music, I absolutely can't stand it, don't know why, must come fom an earlier life)

Cheers

Garry
 
Garry Sharp said:
:D :D :D

"Life doesn't rhyme" is a very cool line. Wish I'd thought of it. On the other hand I'm glad I never came up with "rainful or toyful" :)

Anyway, got the message, I think you make some cool posts here:)

(Although the smell of cooked liver makes me instantly nauseous and so, I'm afraid, does the sound of country music, I absolutely can't stand it, don't know why, must come fom an earlier life)

Cheers

Garry
Click to expand...

After I wrote the lyric I did a search on the internet for the title. At least one other writer thought up the line before me. It's the title of an album and song by a group called 20Miles. I don't know anything about them or their song; but they wrote their's first, that's for sure.

As I can tell you figured out, "rainful" and toyful" represents the way we sometimes twist things just to get a rhyme. I think we often lose complete sight of what we were trying to write about as we are "straining for some rhymes."

For many years I had the same cooked liver/country music reaction you decsribe. In my childhood that's all I heard. Then Rock & Roll and Rhythm & Blues came along and got my undivided musical attention. Elvis, the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Neil Diamond, Roy Orberson, the Four Tops, Temptations, etc. were some of my favorites for most of my adult life. As I approach my sixties I find myself listening to some country music now. In fact, the modern stuff sounds a lot like the soft rock I loved years ago. Although there are some great talent in ever genre, for me, most of rap just sounds like mindless, mindnumbing rhymes and most of hip hop sounds like soul music with all the soul sucked out if it. On the other hand I loved MC Hammer and admired Ice Tea's passion.

I'm sure that a person's age helps determine what kind of music they can find enjoyable. My parents thought Rock and Roll would be the downfall of mankind. My generation thinks the same thing about rap. I believe that music will always bring us up and never bring us down. It helps us get in touch with our feelings. We love and admire the writers and artists who can make us feel. I can still recall the magic of hearing the Beatles "I Want To Hold Your Hand" on the radio as it became a hit. Wow! What a feeling.

I'm glad you find my posts "cool". Thanks for saying so.

Keep writing,
Don
 
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With age comes wisdom, and there is a lot of wisdom in this post. Kudos Don, and keep posting!
 
Yes, what Rokket said. "Cool" was definitely a compliment, I begin to worry about how much my teenage daughter is polluting my English usage ;)

The point about age is interesting - my partner and I both agree that we are heavily swayed by what we heard in our impressionable teenage years. If you love music that's somehow an age when things take hold. (I'm 44 and was at college when punk arrived, I'll never forget the impact of those gigs, and in the rather more musical aftermath I spent many years thinking Elvis Costello was a genius.)

A few months ago we were auditioning guitarists, and when one guy (who I think was a serious session player out of our little league) asked where we were going, I said funkier, he said "yeah, everybody goes more to funk as they get older". Which is true for us :)

Sorry, that was a bit of a ramble. Thought your long reply deserved the courtesy ;)
 
At 38, I'm not far behind you, but I was swept up in the hair metal of the 80's, and got heavily influenced by that. I have heard over and over again about Elvis Costello. Seems that every time I turn around, someone is mentioning his name. I have yet to check out his music, but everyone is echoing your sentiment, Garry. I will definitely have to see what it's about...
I have tried over the years to establish a sound for myself, going the genre route, but adding my own twist. I found a sound that I was happy with, and was convinced I was unique, then someone hears a song that I posted in the clinic (thread titled "So When is it too much?") and got a comment that someone thought they could hear a Def Leppard influence in my music. My sister is a big fan, and she even has pics of her taken with the band. There is one in the "Newest 100 page thread" in the cave. But I never for the life of me would have seen that. I listened to them growing up, but I was Judas Priest and Scorpions, not Def Leppard. So it's kind of funny that when it came to my own music, it would go there...
Sorry, I am rambling, and getting off topic. :o
 
Rimin

I totally agree with this too much rhyming theme. I have had killer ideas and threw them away because they sounded way too cheesy from changing the song to fit the rhyme patterns. If it doesn't fit change the line screw the rhyme.
 
Fatal flaw

I know you all understand that this is not a real song. But even if songs about songwriting became widely popular, this song is flawed in a way that would make it difficult to get it recorded by an artist other than the songwriter, himself. It doen't have anything to do with rhymes or the other shortcomings I noted earlier. A rewrite of each section could probably fix it; but that would take away from part of the message I want to send. And it would still just be a song about the very unpopular (among the listening public) subject of songwriting, so I won't be rewriting.

Anyone know what the fatal flaw is?

Keep writing,
Don
 
Garry Sharp said:
Is it that the meter of lines 3,4 and 5 in each verse is different?
Click to expand...

Garry,
That's not what I'm thinking about. I guess there may be other fatal flaws than the one I have in mind; but I don't think the different meter is a problem at all. The meter of verse 1/line 3 is very close to verse 2/line 3, and the same for lines 4 and 5 in both verses. So I don't think you're talking about that. I am assuming you mean how lines 3,4, and 5 have a different meter from lines 1 and 2. That difference is very obvious and necessary much of the time (or at least helpful) when you try to avoid rhymes. Different meter and different syllable counts (line lenght) are what you should aim for when you don't want to rhyme. If the lines are the same lenght and have identical meter, your ear wants to hear a rhyme. In a verse with an aabb or abab rhyming pattern the "a" lines will almost always have similar meter and/or lenght, and the "b" lines will almost always have similar meter and/or lenght. That is what makes you want to rhyme them.

So what is the fatal flaw? Here is a hint: to fix it would require at least some rewrite in every section -- verses, chorus, bridge.

Keep thinking and ...
Keep writing,
Don
 
Yeah, I think I meant phrasing, probably. It's difficult to get that from lyrics alone on a screen, which is why with one exception I've only ever posted songs here, not just lyrics. When I communicate my sings to our singer, it's very important that I sing them to her first, before I let her have sight of the written lyric, otherwise she'll try to work out he own version of the phrasing and once that's in her I can't get it out again ;)

So what I meant in my post was, I couldn't see how you'd get the same rhythmic pulse on the last three lines of the fist verse and the last three of the second, I wasn't talking about their relationship to the first two lines.

And I concede defeat on the fatal flaw.....
 
Garry Sharp said:
So what I meant in my post was, I couldn't see how you'd get the same rhythmic pulse on the last three lines of the fist verse and the last three of the second, I wasn't talking about their relationship to the first two lines.
Click to expand...

Garry,
It may be possible that I don't understand what you're saying. According to your profile you are from the UK and you are only five years old. So apparently you are a child genius from a foreign land whose native tongue is quite different from mine :) . (just kidding)

But seriously though, I did try a simple melody with the verses just to see if I could phrase the corresponding lines in the verses in a similar way (verse 1/line 1, etc.) and it worked fine. In other words I could sing verse 1 the same way I sang verse 2. The syllable count and syllable accent placement are very close in verse 1 and verse 2. But as I indicated above, each line in verse 1 was different from the next. I hope I am making sense here.

I'll check back later in the week to see if anyone has identified the fatal flaw I'm talking about. If they haven't, I'll post it.

Keep writing,
Don
 
No, I'm a 44 year old with the mind of a 5 year old. It has certain drawbacks and some undefined advantages (I'm not quite sure what they are yet). Anyway this whole debate reinforces the point I've made more than once on this forum that posting lyrics without music is pointless (although yours in this thread were for a different purpose).

As to speaking a different language, well examples of that are legion. When a Brit says something is sanctioned, that means it's approved. When we are pissed, it means we are drunk and often quite happily so.
 
OK. As promised, here is the fatal flaw to my lyric "Life Doesn't Rhyme."

The whole purpose of the lyric was to provide advice about rhyming. So that is what I did: I advised, or instructed, or PREACHED about rhymes. You should never preach to your listeners. If you have a message to deliver, show it in the actions and consequenses of the singer or someone the singer is singing about. Say "I did this and that thing happened." Don't say "If you do this then that thing will happen." The message can be clear enough without advising, instructing, or preaching.

In "Life Doesn't Rhyme" I could have let it be me in the 5 oclock traffic and started the chorus with " I realize that life doesn't rhyme" or something like that. The rest of the chorus would have to be rewritten, the bridge too. But as I said before, I ain't gonna do it. As it is, "Life Doesn't Rhyme" fullfills my desire to PREACH, PREACH, PREACH about using too many rhymes. But don't expect to ever hear it on the radio.

Actually, I was a little supprised that no one was offended by this song, even though I tried to make it clear that it was meant to be just advice on rhyming and it wasn't a real song.

Think about it. How many popular songs do you recall that "preach" their message? Not many, I'm sure. I can't recall any. No one wants to be preached to in a song; and every artist, publisher, and producer knows that.

Keep writing but don't preach,
Don
 
Er, Don, you're fairly new here, I like your stuff, but we've been saying "show, don't tell" for a long time. There was a particularly memorable thread about a preachy song from somebody in Australia telling kids not to commit suicide, where a number of us persuaded the poster that his message would not get across.

Also, I'm sorry, but your post was a bit preachy.

Cheers

Garry
 
Garry Sharp said:
Er, Don, you're fairly new here, I like your stuff, but we've been saying "show, don't tell" for a long time. There was a particularly memorable thread about a preachy song from somebody in Australia telling kids not to commit suicide, where a number of us persuaded the poster that his message would not get across.

Also, I'm sorry, but your post was a bit preachy.

Cheers

Garry
Click to expand...

I don't post much but I have been a member quite a while. You are right though, I missed or don't remember the threads you are talking about. No harm in revisiting the subject, is there? When I post something, my hope is that it will be useful to some of those who read it (new writers, mostly). Even if it's been covered before, a different perspective may be helpful to some. There will always be seasoned writers or those with firm opinions who will not find my input useful. I can't do anything about that.

I reread my post. Well, dang! You're right. I got preachy about preaching.

Keep writing (but only if you want to.... no more preaching from me :) )
Don
 
No harm in it whatsoever. I like this quiet little friendly corner of homerec.

Hope to be posting a batch of new songs in about 8 weeks or so (just started recording, early days and we all have jobs :() so you can tear me a new bodily orifice after that :)

G
 
Garry Sharp said:
Hope to be posting a batch of new songs in about 8 weeks or so (just started recording, early days and we all have jobs :() so you can tear me a new bodily orifice after that :)
G
Click to expand...

I look forward to your new songs. Check out my other posts and you'll see that I don't "tear a new bodily orifice" when I offer advice. I represent the kinder, gentler wing of advisers.

In fact I usually don't comment on recorded songs other than to offer support. If you have already recorded it, there's not much chance you will be willing to make changes, especially dramatic ones like I sometimes suggest.

Keep writing,
Don
 
Classic counterexample on preaching... "Mommas, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys...." :D

Anyway, if you've ever rhymed "perception" with "flection", you know you've gone too far. Here's one from my "I was being a smart-@$$" collection:


"Too Late" (verse two)
By David A. Gatwood

The wheels of time keep rolling on without us---
a juggernaut that yields not about us---
and so now I have grown to doubt us
like a fish caught up in a dought, 'cause

you keep turning aside,
when I smile, your eyes you hide,
and my heart, you muss....

I guess it's all about perception.
Now I can see
that we weren't meant to be.

Like an apoplectic flection,
I flee
for eternity

But if I falter on occasion,
just know it's 'cause I hate
knowing that I'll never be with you,
but it's too late....
 
dgatwood said:
Classic counterexample on preaching... "Mommas, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys...." :D
Click to expand...

Thank you for that. When I was writing on the subject I should have included a good example of a lyric that proved there are always exceptions. I just couldn't come up with one at the time. I'm sure there are plenty more. This is a well written song performed by country music legends. In fact, I doubt that anyone even thought about the 'preaching" in that great song when they heard it on the radio. I certainly didn't.

If you are still learning how to write songs, you need a good grasp of the basics. When you develop a talent like Waylon Jenning's and you get a singing buddy like Willie Nelson, you can bend the rules now and then.

Keep writing,
Don
 
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