Lets try some thing !

Henri,

Again , good job.

The song works as it stands. But of course you know that with anyone else writing the song, as we have seen, it would be different. So my critique doesen't make anything you've written wrong.

I noticed in the first verse the line: "I'm waist deep in the things that perilize."

And in the second verse a line, "Waist deepin the things I realize."

Also in the second verse, "I'm still waiting thru the grey."

I understand what the person is waiting for. But to stay in the flow of the other two lines, you might have said," I'm still wading thru the grey. Just a thought from my perspective. But either way the song works.

<><
George
 
George, Excellent Idea! Thanks !I was haveing a hard time with this song...Third verse was the hardest.....Where can I read your short story?

Don
 
Henri,

It was first published in a book of short stories called, More Stories of the Heart. It was compiled by Alice Gray. The second time was in Stories for a Dad's Heart. And just recently has been published in a book to be released in October of this year called, Once Upon a Christmas. This is also compiled by Alice Gray. This book has 16 stories, each with a theme painting for each story by Laurie Snow Hein.

As to where you can read it. Wal Mart has it so most other book stores do also. But one night I'll type it up and post it as an attachment ifyou'd like. After all it is a short story.

<><
George
 
Post it if you can that would be great...I'll try and Look for the Alice Grey comp...More storys from the heart...

Thanks ...Don
 
I'll do you a favour, and you'll do me one
you don't have any money, I will give you some
and if they come a-knockin', don't you say a word
it's a secret between us and Woolton Church

What's your sister been up to
she passed away?
Oh ain't seen her, boy
she missed the mass today

CHORUS:

[ Well the sun don't shine on Woolton Church
no the sun don't shine no more
there ain't no flowers near Woolton Church
no it don't even rain no more ]

and it's eye for an eye and dust to dust
you better choose real carefully who you trust
and if you can't sleep, you just toss and turn
well you can sleep right here in Woolton Church

What's your daddy been up to
he passed away?
it rained on the flowers
on your daddy's grave

CHORUS

You know that life is nothing more than dying, kid
you've made your bed, now lie in it
and no matter what, boy, it's family first
that's the golden rule here in Woolton Church

What's your momma been up to
she passed away?
No, I heard her burying
your dad today

I can give you all you need
give you everything
on that lovely day we dressed in white
and my boy gave me the ring

CHORUS



-----
that's my vision on Woolton Church
and yes i'm on crack
 
This is cool.

Some really great stuff here....

George
I've read your lyrics probably a hundred times now (seriously), they just really work for me. So pointed, yet not obvious...y'know? Anyway, very cool.

Henri
First, thanks for starting this thread, as someone new to song writing, it's been very helpful and inspirational. I dug your lyrics too. The structure intrigues me. I saw you mention AAA or AABA styles of writing. Do you know of any place on the web where I can try to understand what that really means?

Kid Moses
These lyrics are wacked, and I mean that in a good way. It's lyrics like this that make me wish I could hook people up to a TV and watch what they're thinking. good stuff.
 
Having been through Woolton a few times, I can tell you that there are no stumps to sit on or gospel hymns..LOL One thing you might lose is your car stereo if you park your car outside Woolton Church.
 
Royston.....Is it at least cold there...LOL
Endless Coda...I don't know of a place on the web,I'm sure there are many though...If you look at some of the songwriters books by Sheila Davis...Theres a wealth of information in them.
I will post some of the different forms and how they work, maybe this weekend.Also some "Frameing" devices that are used in popular music.The AAA form is a form that is used in alot of folk/pop music,Jimmy Webb,Bob Dylan have used it many times.

Don
 
Lyricist twist

When I think of the Beatles, I think of Revolution, the American Flag, the sixties, and expirimentation with mind and body among other things.

This is a previously written song of mine, but I think it fits perfectly to "Woolton church". The actual title of my song is "Too Many Faces". I don't know if that technically counts towards your little expirament, but here goes anyway. Below is the audio version of it. If you want to listen while you read, feel free to. Just copy and paste it into Real Player... if you don't have RealPlayer... just click on it and it'll download.

http://www.angelfire.com/ak5/majestak/toomanyfaces.rm

Chorus:

Too many faces, too many places to mention
Too many cases, spiraling space of dissention
Too much blood, too many ghosts of the past
It's all explosive, blowing a hole in the path

The reigning king, steps out of the smoldering ashes-
cold to the masses, prince of thieves, roaming assassin-
a soldier in Athens, Spartan warlord, Roman attacking-
a Soviet spy (show me the files), bones in a casket-
the all encompassing, start the trumpeting and drums again-
make way... the federal general's coming in-
the ever feared, ever clear debonair-
people better listen till I'm screamin in severed ears-
ever hear of the cavalier that battled through heaven's tiers?-
so sick I busted my face in a mirror, that's seven years-
tu sei morto quando io inizio la guerra-
the unknown ninja, hiding in secret on the terrace-
plotting your death while you go about your life-
not knowing tonight's your last night, bout to bite-
the golden bullet, proud to die, hari kiri-
Vietnam, Wounded Knee, Ikari series.

Chorus

Showing the wrath of a cobra, the staff of a soldier-
striking down with wrought vengeance, the path of the vulgar-
run through gauntlets pierced by spears and arrows-
flight of the sparrow, fueled anger with tears and marrow-
terrified private taking a bullet for his homeland-
proud black man, "I'll never bow to no man."-
guide-on bearer, unarmed, running to combat-
local football star, the snap, gunning for contact-
marching for freedom, peaceful means, bloody ends-
unholstered revolver, crack fiends, study friends-
burnt flags, revolution, dying martyrs-
Boston Tea, cannon blasts fly on harbors-
War of Worlds, World Wars, third world-
Third Reich, hurled pike, the black pearl-
the reigning king, steps out of the smoldering ashes-
cold to the masses, prince of thieves, roaming assassin.

Chorus
 
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Majestak, how the hell does that have anything to do with Woolton Church? :D
I mean, the lyrics are good, no doubt about that, sounds like a rap with all those multi-syllable rhymes and shit. I liked the rhyming a lot, but frankly I don't see the connection to Woolton here.
 
Well, my friend... (I honestly can't explain it... it's really more of a feeling than anything tangible). Let me try to explain, maybe you'll get the same feeling as me. It has to do with Woolton Church because it has NOTHING to do with Woolton Church. If you read my lyrics, they are a seemingly motley arrangement of people, places, and expiriences.

But they all have one thing in common. They should invoke some sort of nostalgic feeling in you. Woolton Church... isn't that the place I went to when I was a kid? Isnt that the church the soldier was filmed in during WWII? Isn't that the church that kkk members burned down? It is all and none of these places. Part of the forgotten history we leave behind us like scraps of garbage.

That probably didn't help any, but it's the best I can do. All I can really say was when I read "woolton church", the above song instantly came to mind.
 
It's interesting that a church in Liverpool, England should make you think of the American flag. Surely the union jack would be more appropriate. As far as I'm aware there is no KKK contingent in Liverpool, in fact I don't believe there is any KKK contingent outside of America. I liked Kid Moses ideas though.
 
Did you even bother to read the above post? I mean, seriously. Let me reiterate (and I don't understand the confusion)...

IT'S ALL RANDOMNESS...

I don't know why you feel the need to degrade my creativity process and the way my mind works, but you're the second person to do it. Is it because you have something against rap? Do you dislike my music? My name? Please shed some illumination on an otherwise dark question in my mind.

I'd like to close by saying that the church in Liverpool (completely having NOTHING to do with the kkk or the flag) ALSO has nothing to do with the Third Reich, third world nations, and freedom marches. Thank you for you ignorance, thank you for playing, thank you for stating your opinion in a less than polite manner.
 
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OK...here goes

An ancient stone
A whithered tree
A family gathered round
Behind the shadow of Woolton Church
Beneath her hallowed ground.

The memories that lie here
The lives, the dreams untold
Behind the shadow of Woolton Church
Beneath her hallowed ground.

Who will be left to remember
Who will be left to forget
Who will be left with their sorrow
Who will be left with regret



It's kindalike running out in the street with no clothes on, to post something. Will everybody point and laugh???

writeon...chazba
 
Chazba..Seems like the hardest thing to do is put your lyrics out there for people to read!Its like is like standing naked in front of strangers..LOL! Hard to let people see your truth..But thats what good lyrics contain TRUTH OF YOUR EMOTIONS! For me , this is only my opinion..1,Truth 2,Creativity 3,Craftmenship are the what make the best songwriters..You can move around the order but you can't do without any of those ingredence...without them you have pap.Waist deep and wadeing..hummm now you got me thinking again !And your Wooltons is cool !You used a AAB form
Two "Stanzas" and a "Bridge" section unless you ment a chorus..
You seem to have a good grasp of song form..Your repeating lines at the end of your stanzas..And your rhyme meter is also cool; Round /Ground...Untold /Ground.. And your bridge/Chorus
works really well because your "Tags" To remember
To Forget
With there Sorrow
With Regret
stand on there own.......
Excellent job...Got one more "A" section ? {AABA}

Don
 
Thanks Don for the comments. As far as form goes, it ain't finished till that album cames out LOL I had some more stuff pop out after I posted, maybe i'll do,a rewrite . later Feel free to write a release (C ) segment and a last verse. I only spent a few minutes on it where usually I will cogitate for days if not weeks .
I was thinking about the churchyard cemetary where 2 generations of myfamily are buried. Always remember that the art of songwriting lies in the RE-WRITE. writeon...chazba
 
Thanks Don for the comments. As far as form goes, it ain't finished till that album cames out LOL I had some more stuff pop out after I posted, maybe i'll do,a rewrite . later Feel free to write a release (C ) segment and a last verse. I only spent a few minutes on it where usually I will cogitate for days if not weeks .
I was thinking about the churchyard cemetary where 2 generations of myfamily are buried. Always remember that the art of songwriting lies in the RE-WRITE. writeon...chazba
 
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