Everything I Am

ido1957

ido1957

9K Gold Member
Well, I did some revising on my lyrics - they used to be called The Treasure's in My Hand. The title did sound a bit bizarre (also noted by a couple of people).

So I've renamed it Everything I Am and did a rewrite. These revised lyrics change the meter a bit and seem to flow better.....


No melody yet but I'm thinking a medium tempo 4/4 for this.... Feedback is appreciated on anything - lyrics, meter, phrasing etc. I'll try to work on some music for it and update this post when I can....

Everything I Am

(Verse 1)
Yes I’m feeling good today
The first time in a while
Used to let things get me down
But now that’s not my style
So don’t mind if I seem to be
A different man today
I guess it’s just a good thing
That has come my way

(Chorus)
Found my special someone, now my life’s complete
Her love is an eternal flame that lights the way for me
When you find this kind of love I know you’ll understand
That she means the world to me, she’s everything I am

(Verse 2)
You know it seems like everything
Might work out like it should
Used to have just bad luck
Now I’d say it’s all good
All those things I had to do
I see them getting done
Yes is so much better
And my blues are on the run

(Chorus)

(Bridge)
I’m catching some alright tonight now baby
Nothing better I know that it’s true
Talking about this new life that she gave me
Her love is always going to see me through

(Verse 3)
Making up for the time I’ve lost
Catching up on what I’ve missed
All I know is I could go
A long, long time like this
I hope you find a love like mine
And they take away your pain
Everybody needs somebody who
Can make them feel this way

(Chorus)
 
Last edited:
Everything I am

Curious is your song ment to be commercial?

I may be awful at technical stuff lol but if its one thing i can do its write songs. Commercial hits, some rock, underground// mostly i do rap music.

COMMERCIAL WRITING 101 by SEREOUS

You can see your Song Name could be a good main stream song.
"Everything I Am" Screams HIT to me, its marketable. Now when
Writing this The chorus is VERY important!! A huge mistake people
make is NOT putting the song name in the CHORUS. I learned this
the hard way with a song i co-wrote called "the break up"
When played on the radio in detroit people loved it, BUT when people
called in to request it - they did NOT know the name of the song. Not
one time in the chorus did it say “the break up”. We were lectured on
the bad marketing mistake this was lol. SO the song was given a popular
2 name title as thats the trick to fix that goof. THe song was renamed
"Im Calling" (the break up) ][ Though the song hook was not wrote to be
commercial it made a nice little radio jam. u can hear it here http://www.soundclick.com/sereous

In your case with your song you only have "everything i am" ONE TIME -
If thats the name of your song you have to Empahsize that. Their are
many many ways to do such. One thing to do is prepare your mind when you listen to the radio. Listen to the hooks but dont listen to the lyrics, listen to the rhyme scheme, and the diff ways they use hooks. Their are many many ways to make hooks you just have to find the right way for you.
Study the hits for the FORMULA - their is a reason its a HIT –
Here is the CHORUS to Mariah carey’s shake it off. (notice the scheme and way
The hook is laid out. Constant repetitive mention of the song name in the hook.

I gotta shake you off
Cause the loving ain't the same
And you keep on playing games
Like you know I'm here to stay
I gotta shake you off
Just like the Calgon commercial
I really gotta get up outta here
And go somewhere
I gotta shake you off
Gotta make that move
Find somebody who
Appreciates all the love I give
Boy I gotta shake you off
Gotta do what's best for me
Baby and that means I gotta
Shake you off


See if you had yours repeating the name of the song more in the hook, the more people
Would be able to remember the song. Also it is important to have melodic variations
In the lines of your hooks. You can say the same thing – over and over but with a raise
In tone, pitch, or just how its delivered it can sound real good. Personal tip from me on hook writing is write 3 diff hooks for your song. Record the melody or harmony of the hook. Just the hook have 3-4 people listen to it. Then question them on what your song was about, what the song name was, and also have the hum a melody. If they can do that
You my friend have a HOOK.

Here is Akon’s new single- “SMACK THAT” ASS – but to be marketable and radio
Playable hit its named “SMACK THAT”. This song features Eminem, the formula is
Simple and its perfect. It’s a R &B type song with a verse done by eminem. This is the newest example I could find of this, I do think this song will be HUGE. Check out the Hook.

smack that, all on the floor,
smack that, give me some more,
smack that, 'till you get sore
smack that, oooh. - - ( Here is the melodic variation)
smack that, all on the floor,
smack that, give me some more,
smack that, 'till you get sore,
smack that, oooh. – - ( Here it is again)

This hook took probably 30 sec to write and will make MILLIONS.
You will become such a better hook writer if u study the different structures to work
Your hook. In both cases your song name can fit perfect. You could do the one like Akon smack that- and just put the song name in front like this



Everything THING I AM (B) Now the (A) and (B) marked lines – are usually a different melody.
(your lines here ) - (A)
Everything THING I AM
(your lines here )
It can also keep going like this 2 more lines and the hook is done.

I will now make some changes for your song, that will turn it from just a mediocre
To a potential HIT. This particular song though I have not heard the music I would
Use the song name in the END lines. Like SO

( EVERYTHING I AM) by IDO 1957

Found my special someone, now my life’s complete
( she’s – EVERY-THIIINGGG I AM
Her love is an eternal flame, that lights the way for me
( she’s – EVERY-THIIINGGG, (she’s _EVERY-THING I AM
She Means The World to me- I know you’ll understand
That she’s everything, she’s everything (EVERY-THING I AM (drown out IAMM)
2X if needed. . .
Means ( vocal variance in pitch)

Well their ya have it a simple- mainstream hook. Easy to remember – very catchy in the
Melody I had in my head. I really put a POUND emphasis on I AM . just say it how it
HITS – almost like drums hits. I also sung the song as a rock song, im not sure if that’s
What it was or not. But either way even sung out this will sound very very nice. The combinations are endless when trying to vary the structure. Notice the song wont get
Boring as I have vocal variances as I explained. If you can’t pick them out they go as this.


1 ) Found my special someone, now my life’s complete
2) ( she’s – EVERY-THIIINGGG I AM
3) Her love is an eternal flame, that lights the way for me
4) ( she’s – EVERY-THIIINGGG, (she’s _EVERY-THING “I AM”

Notice line 2 says the song name in the first vocal melody. Now to keep it from
Getting boring not only did I switch up the vocal melody, but also in line 4 if u look.
You will see a lyric switch up- ) ( she’s – EVERY-THIIINGGG, - this is too build
The variance so it does not sound too flat to line 2. Well I hope this can help some
People out and don’t be afraid to ask for some advice.

L8ter steve aka SEREOUS
 
SEREOUS,

You should get rep points both for good advice and for pure effort (that was one long, detailed post).

ido1957,

I though your re-write did improve the general lyrical structure. You do hit the tile/hook as the last line of the chorus - but SEREOUS does have a point that maybe you're not hitting it as much as you could.

I was thinking if you also start the chorus with the hook "she's everything I am, now my life's complete........ and also hit it on the last line (as you already do) you could establish the title line a little more effectively.
 
No rep points needed lol i dont know what that stuff is anyway.
Your right mikeh about the "everything i am" being at the start, But Thats why he would write the 3 hooks - one with it the way i did it, one with it at the begining and one some other structure. Now if he used EVERYTHING I AM first- then the lyrics- It would seem like its rushing the lyrics. At the end it allows time to delivery the lyrics nice n slow and timed. Then hit the main melodic phrase at the END so it HITS N HITS HARD. U want it to be the LAST thing the LIstener hears. THATS how it STICKS -
Like i said this will just depend on the music wich i have not heard. It may sound better in the front but if i were to submit this song to a record lable. CHances are they would have me change it to at the end.
ANother cool way to do it would be with a echo and high reverb.

at the start " SHES everything I AM
shes everything (echo)
SHES everything I AM (vocal change this line)
This would be a real fast echo - though not to boring
then the lyrics here - n then the repeat of the above.

Maybe this can help some more
 
true-eurt said:
SEREOUS...how'd you manage a reddie so quick? :confused:
Click to expand...


Im not sure exactly what you are referring too, my guess is a radio ready song correct?
Well i started writing off and on about 4 yrs ago in highschool. I always heard talk about the formula. SO i took it upon myself to study and find it out. ALL i did was simple study the HITS - and see what they had in common. Looking at song lyrics gives u a whole different prespective then "listening" Only when you learn what it looks on paper can you truly "listen" to a song. Take a look at anyones lyrics even if you have not heard the song. Study it for a min then listen to the song see if it matches up the same way you thought it would sound.
At a young age through all this studying and constant writing, I have developed a skill for it. I ghost write for other people, (means they pay me), I come from Detroit and its a HUGE music city. . Everyone n their brother is connected to music some how. Well the radio stations are your best friends when you have a HOT song. I will tell you a few tricks that can get you played on the radio. We join contest mostly rap battles live on air. SO its a little easier to get exposure. You can just ask if they will play it - and usually if they take a listen before hand and like it they will play it.
I will now tell one gem of a secret that has worked over and over for me. If radio stations turn you down FORGET THEM. You now go tactical and play mind games. its called "fake it till u make it" Just go out and promote your self by anymeans. Take a month or 2 and make friends with everyone you can. People at work, church, neighbors, family, hangout at the malls, go to clubs/bars and buy drinks for people. Mostly if you can get in with them CLUB DJ's. Once you have all these people on the friend side, then its time to call upon their friendship.
Pass out your CD single to all people you know. Make sure its professionally printed up, and has the radio station numbers and a note that says "CALL AND REQUEST "SEREOUS" at 313-298-8987 / MAke sure the SONG name is in the PRINT lol. After this is done call all them "friends" and take them out to the bar, or throw a party at your house. Order some pizza and have some beer. Maybe get a keg and ask them to request your song, by calling the radio station. Each call is worth one cup of Beer lol. Anyway you gotta do it just DO IT. The thing is the radio station is their for ONE REASON. TO PLAY what their LISTENER'S wanna hear. So when they get 50-300 request constantly for your song and they dont have it UH OH.
Thats when the DEMAND is up and they can't supply. This is the time they go out LOOKING 4 U. Believe me they will do what ever they can to find you. It feels good to have them come begging you, instead of a week before them just rejecting you like a NO BODY. Also get all them people to VISIT your myspace. ALWAYS have a WEBSITE to promote. Record labels already want you to have a FOLLOWING. We were told by A&R's any buzz they hear about a person with 50,000 plays on their page deserves a meeting. This is the new way they do it. They hear buzz - from u promoting your self, then they go to your website, and listen. They dont really bother with DEMO's anymore thats tedious.

Well I gave away a much kept tip to get your foot in the door. OHh also i reccomend you pick up the book. " The Craft And Business of Song Writing" by John Braheny/ the second edition. This book is the best i have found and covers all genre song writing and covers the BUSINESS of songwriting, royalties, all the legal stuff u need to know.
 
SEREOUS - your feedback was very interesting and informative. Welcome to the forum - I hope to see more of your posts - sounds like you have some good experience in these endeavors. I will look at the chorus and see if I can't revise it to repeat the hook a little more often. You have several good suggestions that can be applied to this and future writings - thanks.....
true-eurt - he's back in the green now so all is well.....I hit him up too.
mikeh - I agree with you and I gave SEREOUS some rep for all his hard work and great suggestions. :D I like your idea of beginning the chorus with the hook and maybe also at the end. I need to play with it to see. I appreciate the feedback from someone with your songwriting experience.
JenniferNorth - this is real - how do you like the lyrics BTW? Any suggestions for further revisions?
random.hero - thanks for taking the time to review the lyrics and I'm glad you liked them.

I'll work on melody/chords/lyrics and repost as soon as possible.

:D :) :D :) :D
 
ido1957 said:
Well, I did some revising on my lyrics - they used to be called The Treasure's in My Hand. The title did sound a bit bizarre (also noted by a couple of people).

So I've renamed it Everything I Am and did a rewrite. These revised lyrics change the meter a bit and seem to flow better.....


No melody yet but I'm thinking a medium tempo 4/4 for this.... Feedback is appreciated on anything - lyrics, meter, phrasing etc. I'll try to work on some music for it and update this post when I can....

Everything I Am

(Verse 1)
Yes I’m feeling good today
The first time in a while
Used to let things get me down
But now that’s not my style
So don’t mind if I seem to be
A different man today
I guess it’s just a good thing
That has come my way

(Chorus)
Found my special someone, now my life’s complete
Her love is an eternal flame that lights the way for me
When you find this kind of love I know you’ll understand
That she means the world to me, she’s everything I am

(Verse 2)
You know it seems like everything
Might work out like it should
Used to have just bad luck
Now I’d say it’s all good
All those things I had to do
I see them getting done
Yes is so much better
And my blues are on the run

(Chorus)

(Bridge)
I’m catching some alright tonight now baby
Nothing better I know that it’s true
Talking about this new life that she gave me
Her love is always going to see me through

(Verse 3)
Making up for the time I’ve lost
Catching up on what I’ve missed
All I know is I could go
A long, long time like this
I hope you find a love like mine
And they take away your pain
Everybody needs somebody who
Can make them feel this way

(Chorus)
Click to expand...


Hey Gerry,

If these lyrics are used in conjunction with music of the standard that you have displayed in the past then I for one have the utmost confidence that it will be great!

Gorty :)
 
Gorty said:
Hey Gerry,

If these lyrics are used in conjunction with music of the standard that you have displayed in the past then I for one have the utmost confidence that it will be great!

Gorty :)
Click to expand...
Gorty - Thanks for the kind words. I will do my best!

:) :D :) :D
 
ido1957 said:
Gorty - Thanks for the kind words. I will do my best!

:) :D :) :D
Click to expand...

Hey, read through the new lyrics...outstanding song! I have no complaints! Well, the only complaint I have is that I didn't write it first!

You've got something special here. Keep up the good work!
 
OK a simple revision to the chorus using both mikeh and sereous suggestions:

Chorus:
She’s everything I am, now my life’s complete
Her love is an eternal flame that lights the way for me
When you find this kind of love I know you’ll understand
That she means the world to me, she’s everything I am

Still need to get some music down for this........


:) :D :) :D
 
ido1957 said:
OK a simple revision to the chorus using both mikeh and sereous suggestions:

Chorus:
She’s everything I am, now my life’s complete
Her love is an eternal flame that lights the way for me
When you find this kind of love I know you’ll understand
That she means the world to me, she’s everything I am

Still need to get some music down for this........


:) :D :) :D
Click to expand...

Here's a thought on the music...Don't know if you're a fan of his or not, but see if you can listen to "She's Every Woman" by Garth Brooks, from the Fresh Horses album...I think this has a similar feel.

As I said before...excellent song...I look forward to hearing the finished product!
 
nICE REvision on the chorus.. Its really stepped up a notch.
IM sure it will turn out very well. I cant wait to here it !! Now
idol if its not to much work remember what i said about doing
multiple choruses. I for one would love to hear the one u revised,
as well as the one i think mikeh told u to write, and then the sound
of the commercial one i wrote.
Maybe you could message me when you get the music layed out
that way i can record the way my chorus would sound.. n u can hear
it how it sounded to me. Just a thought ;)

L8ter SEREOUS

word of the day: "do not fall in love with the world- or the ways of the world, because everything that is powerful, and strong, will not last for-ever.
 
ido1957 said:
Chorus:
She’s everything I am, now my life’s complete
Her love is an eternal flame that lights the way for me
When you find this kind of love I know you’ll understand
That she means the world to me, she’s everything I am

Still need to get some music down for this........
:) :D :) :D
Click to expand...


Hey I think your revision is much, much better. At first I found the chorus a bit boring, but now, much better. But personally I don't like the line "Her love is an eternal flame that lights the way for me." I think you could do better. That line just sounds a bit to typical or worn out to me. And it makes me think of Cheap Trick's worst song ever "the Flame".
 
David M said:
Hey I think your revision is much, much better. At first I found the chorus a bit boring, but now, much better. But personally I don't like the line "Her love is an eternal flame that lights the way for me." I think you could do better. That line just sounds a bit to typical or worn out to me. And it makes me think of Cheap Trick's worst song ever "the Flame".
Click to expand...
David M - thanks for taking the time to review my lyrics. I'm glad the revisions are working better too.

The line "Her love is an eternal flame that lights the way for me." is a personal thing that I'd like to keep ;) . The "eternal flame" theme relates back to my wife and love and all that good stuff. I probably overuse it a bit in my writing, but it was our wedding song (the one by the Bangles) and has had special meaning ever since. I haven't heard the Cheap Trick song - is it the same one? But I will keep your advice in mind and try and find something different next time :D . Thanks again!

:D :) :D :)
 
ido1957 said:
David M - thanks for taking the time to review my lyrics. I'm glad the revisions are working better too.

The line "Her love is an eternal flame that lights the way for me." is a personal thing that I'd like to keep ;) . The "eternal flame" theme relates back to my wife and love and all that good stuff. I probably overuse it a bit in my writing, but it was our wedding song (the one by the Bangles) and has had special meaning ever since. I haven't heard the Cheap Trick song - is it the same one? But I will keep your advice in mind and try and find something different next time :D . Thanks again!

:D :) :D :)
Click to expand...

Well, the Cheap Trick song was just the Flame, not eternal flame. I really like Cheap Trick, but the way, just not that song. You know the Bangles did come to mind but I could not quite my finger on it. Another song that came to mind was that old song Patrick Swazy (sp) did back in the 80s - "She's like the Wind". That song was real sappy too. But I have to admit I did kind of like it when it came out.
 
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