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  1. #1
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    Cool Can I......

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    I haven't posted any songs here yet and won't until I get my recordings cleaned up a bunch.
    I've got a few songs I've played with for a couple years that I could use some finish up help on. Mostly pre chorus ideas. Can I just post some lyrics here and see what comes of it?

    Thanks,
    Rick
    Cheeseburgers Rock!

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    Help...??

    Post away dude,..... I'll help ya if I can, I have lots of part finished songs, and many pages of words that need to go somewhere.....

    Send me an E if you'd rather, or you can have the big kahunas, and post it all here.....

    Upstate

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    Ya .....Post them up..

    Don
    blessed are the cheese makers


    Don

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    ~ drumming my fingers ~
    Well? Where are they?

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    I'll just throw out these two first and see where it goes. The first one is loosely based on the beat and bass line of Bad Company's "Burnin' Sky".

    "Dark Hearted Witch's Daughter"

    Not necessarily a typical lady.
    Claws fly at the drop of a hat.
    Sometimes I think you'ld rather
    rip my old heart out.
    Your evil smile says it's not like that.

    Don't play by the same rules
    that other women play.
    You strike fear in the hearts of the meek.
    If I had the stregnth left I'd get up and run away.
    But your wicked body keeps me drained and weak.

    Dark hearted witch's daughter.
    Lips like candy dipped in wine.
    Annointed in blood not water.
    She was the devil's now she's mine.

    Psycopathic sensuality in a lustful drunken haze.
    I can't tell the night from the day.
    Try to get inside you
    but your heart's a haunted maze
    Where empassioned demons play.

    Evil never tasted so good, but the heat is so intense.
    A rapture of pain and love.
    Your scent intoxicates me
    clouds all my good sense.
    Torture with a tender touch.

    Dark hearted witch's daughter.
    Your love commands all my desire.
    My heart's a sheep that's led slaughter.
    Can't resist when you're on fire.

    Lead Riff.

    Thirst for you overpowers me_no hope for escape.
    An enchantress and her slave.
    Take all you give me baby
    and never look back to the day
    when I heard an old wise man say..

    Dark hearted witch's daughter.
    If you love her you'll be lost.
    Dark hearted witch's daughter
    She's the prize, your soul's the cost.


    I started writting this one before Rainbow released "Stone Cold". Damned if they didn't steal my music!
    If you're familiar with that song, imagine a calm beat with a similar intro to the chorus.

    "You Stayed"

    As I look back I have to wonder
    what it was that made you stay.
    I made our life a three ring blunder.
    Treating you that way
    what made you stay.

    Promised that I'd always love you.
    Put my young boy days away.
    But the party-man went on and on.
    Creeps through the doors at dawn.
    How'd you hold on.

    You stayed.
    Crying alone while I played.
    Hoping that someday I'd change.
    You stayed_and now
    Let me clean up the mess that I've made.

    Always took your love for granted.
    Assumed that you'ld always be there.
    Woke up just before you left me.
    I'm so glad you're still here.
    I know it hasn't been fair.

    The boy in me just couldn't hear you.
    Didn't understand your fears.
    If I've a chance to make it up.
    To take away all your pain.
    Kiss away all you tears.

    You stayed.
    Helped me grow up while you paid.
    Just a little love that you craved.
    You stayed_ and now
    Let me give back the love that you gave.

    Lead Riff.

    You stayed.
    Your friends all said you were insane.
    To live in a cage made of pain.
    You stayed_and now.
    Let me give back the love that you gave.

    As I look back I have to wonder
    what a young man thinks about.
    Never wanna lose your sweet love.
    Glad you didn't give up.
    Glad I figured it out.

    You stayed.
    Nights spent alone and afraid.
    Through all the bad moves that I made.
    You stayed.
    Breakin' your heart everyday.
    Well you stayed_and now
    Let me make it up my pretty maid.



    No need to send food stamps or canned goods.....I haven't quit my day job!

    Cheeseburgers Rock!

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    Ahhhh... songs that question a woman's intentions.

    I've written a few myself!

    Here's one of them.........


    STILL I'M AMAZED (Copyright 2000 - DePeder/Wagers ASCAP)

    Sometimes I find I doubt myself
    Because you're hearing things as something else
    When I speak of time we've spent
    You start interpreting something different

    Chorus:
    I walk around confused for days
    Can't figure out her feminine ways
    I don't know what's in her head
    Or what I've said, still I'm amazed

    I could say something true
    Then she'll twist it into something new
    Is it just me? Am I insane?
    Because I let myself play this foolish game
    Walking on a narrow fence
    When she's defying all common sense
    I don't know if I'm just wrong
    Or if I'm speaking in a foreign tongue

    (Repeat Chorus)

    Even though it makes no sense
    I have to chalk it up to experience
    I know I drive her crazy, too
    With all the stupid things I say and do
    No one has it figured out just yet
    I think hell and heaven have a running bet
    Embrace the fact that we're not the same
    I know that neither one will accept the blame

    (Repeat Chorus)

    Sometimes I find I doubt myself
    Because you're hearing things as something else



    The song itself can be found here...
    http://artists.mp3s.com/artists/248/..._brothers.html


  7. #7
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    Thumbs up

    getuhgrip, i think your lyrics are great! They each express a different kind of love. I mean there is the kind of love that is enslaving, compelling, and lustful on one hand. Then there is a love developed over time, a maturity that goes beyond the physical. I would like to hear these set to music.

    t

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    Great song Buck62! It was played and sung very nicely; were you the singer? The lyrics made me think of some of the things my husband says to me. hehe

    t

  9. #9
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    Whenever I start having trouble finding the words for songs, I ask myself 'what is this song about? What's it trying to say?' If I know what the song's about, the words come,and they fit and make sense.

    Here's the first verse of your song:

    Not necessarily a typical lady.
    Claws fly at the drop of a hat.
    Sometimes I think you'ld rather
    rip my old heart out.
    Your evil smile says it's not like that.


    My feeling about it is this: well, is she bad news, or not? If she's bad news, and claws fly at the drop of a hat, then presumably she's willing to rip your heart out. So why would her evil smile persuade you otherwise. If her smile is evil, she's the kind of person who's gonna do harm, right? The verse, isn't consistent, in other words.

    So:

    Not necessarily a typical lady
    Claws fly at the drop of a hat
    My heart's ripped and torn and wondering
    What's the sense in doing that

    Also, later on, I'd drop the sheep and say:

    My heart's led up to the slaughter

  10. #10
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    We're buddys and I know you won't get thin-skinned on me.

    The song is supposed to be nothing more than a funny account of a weak-willed rummy being vexed by a real bitch with an awesome body! Rather sexist I guess, but all in fun.
    Anyway, what I'm looking for help on is a lead in verse to the chorus. I suck at lead-ins and pre-chorus or whatever you wanna call them.

    I referenced Rainbow's "Stone Cold", and what I meant was they're verse, "Searching in the darkness, blah, blah, blah......" leading to the chorus.

    I appreciate your help, and now that I've detailed my desires, whatcha got?

    BTW- "Stick it in your ass. I tried to help, you ungrateful bastard!" is not an acceptable answer!
    Cheeseburgers Rock!

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