Paper Thin (lyrics)

Yonce N Mild

Yonce N Mild

Voice of Sanity
This is my first post on this forum, been reading all day good stuff here!
Thought I'd share some lyrics to a song I'm gonna be recording this weekend.
I figure it's as good as a first post as any soooo.............
comments/constructive criticism appreciated!


It's not the truth but not quite a lie.
It's just that no one cares unless someone dies.
The simple reason for our lie.
Is just to show you shit that you might buy.
Just a twisted puppeteer playing to your darkest fears.

chorus:
Forget yourself and just follow us.
In the name of paper - paper we trust.
They deceive still you believe everything you see and read.

This bullshit we feed you.
Is meant just to please you.
We'll torture and tease you.
We'll hook you and bleed you!

chorus:
Forget yourself and just follow us.
In the name of paper - paper we trust.
They deceive still you believe everything you see and read.

I am the voice inside your head.
If you don't listen you'll be dead.
Remember all the things I've said.
You should forget yourself instead.
 
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There are lots of good couplets (Doublets? :D ) here but the storyline seems obscure to me. I usually am fond of tunes that start at A, end at B, and follow a path in between. (Then again, that's just me.) It's clear that you have put some serious thought into this. Keep posting. We learn from everyones' efforts and replies and, hopefully, we all get better. In what genre will this be recorded?
 
It's about the 24 hour news media. Money is involved in the equation.......sensational headlines + catering to you target demographic(liberal or conservative) = high ratings = money. The song will open with some samples of news anchors saying news anchory kinda doomsday stuff. So that should give a better impression of the meaning of the lyrics to the listener. I'm planning on plugging the laptop into the TV tonight and grabbing some audio from Fox news and CNN. Any bets on how long it takes me to get some samples of anchors saying "terror" "tragedy" and "disaster".............I'm guessing 15 minutes. :eek:

I'm not too good with genres but I'd say hard rock/alternative. Guitar driven, melodic lyrics with some synth/sample based sounds.
 
Probably a good song, but I couldn't get past all the random stray commas sprinkled about for no apparent reason. Too distracting to read critically.
 
andyhix said:
Probably a good song, but I couldn't get past all the random stray commas sprinkled about for no apparent reason. Too distracting to read critically.
Click to expand...
lol! I've never really written out lyrics for others to read before. The commas are for...........uhm pauses. Now that you mention it though I guess the pauses don't make any sense unless you can hear the melody................I'lll remove the commas..........good point.
 
I figured as much, actually. But it was a bit tricky to read. Anyway, thanks for recognizing that I wasn't just trying to be a nit-picky prick. ;) (By the way if you need a good internal rhyme, feel free to use "nit-picky prick.")
 
I think you've got a good story going on here, and it does seem to reflect what a lot of people think about the 24 hour news media.

One line throws me a little...

"In the name of paper paper we trust."

The "paper paper" piece seems a little off.
 
OK, since you went and changed the punctuation scheme just for me, I'll give you my two cents.

I like it. The only line that seemed a bit "mailed in" is the "if you don't listen, you'll be dead." I really like "We'll hook you and bleed you!" Overall, though, there's some nice phrases that roll off the tongue nicely.

I might like to see it just a bit less obsucre. Maybe even 1 or 2 mentions of the actual subject - 1 or 2 occurances of the words "news", "media", "TV", etc. Just to clarify ever so slightly what the song is about. That would add weight to the rest of the lyrics, if the listener knows what he's listening to.
 
mjr said:
I think you've got a good story going on here, and it does seem to reflect what a lot of people think about the 24 hour news media.

One line throws me a little...

"In the name of paper paper we trust."

The "paper paper" piece seems a little off.
Click to expand...

Yeah, it's almost like there should be a comma or something in there. Bwa-ha-ha-ha!!! I crack me up.


(actually, use a dash, and you'll be all set.)
 
andyhix said:
Yeah, it's almost like there should be a comma or something in there. Bwa-ha-ha-ha!!! I crack me up.


(actually, use a dash, and you'll be all set.)
Click to expand...

What about changing it to "In the name of paper, in the dollar we trust"?

Also it might be good to mention something about ratings being high.

"Ratings high, the bottom line" or something...
 
mjr said:
What about changing it to "In the name of paper, in the dollar we trust"?

Also it might be good to mention something about ratings being high.

"Ratings high, the bottom line" or something...
Click to expand...

It's kinda hard to express that line without hearing the music. In the song it goes "In the name of paper (pause).........................paper we truuuuuUUUUuuuuUUUst.
The original line was "in the name of paper we f***ing trust"
Not a bad suggestion though. What about this? "in the name of a paper..............god we trust" The music is already written so I need to get the right amount syllables so it fits properly.

I like the ratings idea too...........it could fit. Maybe instead of "its just that no one cares unless someone dies" I could say "It's just that ratings fall unless someone dies" or "It's just that no one watches unless someone dies"

That might help give the listener a better idea of the topic like andyhix suggested

I would love to fit the phrase "if it bleeds it leads" in there somewhere too.

andyhix said:
I like it. The only line that seemed a bit "mailed in" is the "if you don't listen, you'll be dead."
Click to expand...
I agree, I don't like the lyric but I like the meaning. I'm not sure of another way to express it. It's referring to how the local news will often tease an upcoming broadcast with something like "A common household item could kill you and you entire family....................................story at 11"


Thanks for all the input, once I get a decent take down this weekend I'll post it for ya'll to listen to.
 
Yonce N Mild said:
It's kinda hard to express that line without hearing the music. In the song it goes "In the name of paper (pause).........................paper we truuuuuUUUUuuuuUUUst.
The original line was "in the name of paper we f***ing trust"
Not a bad suggestion though. What about this? "in the name of a paper..............god we trust" The music is already written so I need to get the right amount syllables so it fits properly.

I like the ratings idea too...........it could fit. Maybe instead of "its just that no one cares unless someone dies" I could say "It's just that ratings fall unless someone dies" or "It's just that no one watches unless someone dies"

That might help give the listener a better idea of the topic like andyhix suggested

I would love to fit the phrase "if it bleeds it leads" in there somewhere too.


I agree, I don't like the lyric but I like the meaning. I'm not sure of another way to express it. It's referring to how the local news will often tease an upcoming broadcast with something like "A common household item could kill you and you entire family....................................story at 11"


Thanks for all the input, once I get a decent take down this weekend I'll post it for ya'll to listen to.
Click to expand...

Why not change it to "miss the news, you'll be dead" (or even "you might be dead")? That way you can work the word "news" into it, and you can also keep along the story that something "vital" is coming up on the news, and you shouldn't miss it.
 
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