a new song, very bare bones

cello_pudding

Well-known member
So I've sliced my finger horribly with a table saw, so no pretty guitar parts. it's just slide. I'm sorta wondering about the structure of it. If it's too repetitive or if it's well defined. It's sorta old bright eyes-ish, pretty simple, with a sort of non traditional verse-chorus.

it's called 'a psalm for april'

http://www.myspace.com/johnmarkhatfield

i used to think i heard you speak
now i know it's not you, it's me
i thought i heard you say
that back you would bring her
a bowed head only lead
to a raised finger

it's been a while since i've eaten well
if you look closely, you can tell
but i'm doing all i can
no i'm doing all i must
if you're such a great teacher then
why am i learning not to trust

my hands, they don't steady
my heart is not ready just yet
to act like you're just another
voice that i do not notice
but i'm doing my best to be kind
it's just hard when you won't notice mine

hope only returns as an idea, an emotion
to be thought and felt just for the moment
to be held by the notion of faith and by fidelity
being closer to God sure feels like hell to me

the stars aligned to haunt me
my Jesus came still born
all that i was told to be
i'm convinced i'll never know
the difference from branch and vine
but give the child a second breath
to whisper and to remind
 
I like it. Wanted to hear maybe a little energetic slide part to contrast with the leoow pace of the rest of the song. Maybe when your finger heals?!
 
The player was down so I could'nt give it a listen. I'll try again later.

I like the writing, especially that second stanza.

I'm sorry to hear about your injury. I hope all heals well, and in short order.
 
Great stuff mate! Vocals were great, I would have increased the ratio to slide to vocals but only some of the time. Maybe a bit of compression would help here.

Lyrics are great, you said fideliDy in the recording but I love the song regardless. You sound like someone I'd like to be in a band with :)

If you're in Queensland!

8/10 :)
 
This is really nice. Definitely very Bright Eyes-sounding, but there's still your own thing going on too. I like the vocal melody and the way you're phrasing it.
 
Thanks all for the comments. I agree with the guitar/voice mix. I've been doing live recordings and It's difficult to get it right and to get a good take. I like the vocal take but the guitar is pretty flubby and it's low in the mix.

I think i may add an instrumental section. Sorta like joanna newsom's "side of the blue"

I think this take was the first time i had ever done this specific use of dynamics, and i think it will be similar for the final.
 
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