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Thread: a new song, very bare bones

  1. #1
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    a new song, very bare bones

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    So I've sliced my finger horribly with a table saw, so no pretty guitar parts. it's just slide. I'm sorta wondering about the structure of it. If it's too repetitive or if it's well defined. It's sorta old bright eyes-ish, pretty simple, with a sort of non traditional verse-chorus.

    it's called 'a psalm for april'

    http://www.myspace.com/johnmarkhatfield

    i used to think i heard you speak
    now i know it's not you, it's me
    i thought i heard you say
    that back you would bring her
    a bowed head only lead
    to a raised finger

    it's been a while since i've eaten well
    if you look closely, you can tell
    but i'm doing all i can
    no i'm doing all i must
    if you're such a great teacher then
    why am i learning not to trust

    my hands, they don't steady
    my heart is not ready just yet
    to act like you're just another
    voice that i do not notice
    but i'm doing my best to be kind
    it's just hard when you won't notice mine

    hope only returns as an idea, an emotion
    to be thought and felt just for the moment
    to be held by the notion of faith and by fidelity
    being closer to God sure feels like hell to me

    the stars aligned to haunt me
    my Jesus came still born
    all that i was told to be
    i'm convinced i'll never know
    the difference from branch and vine
    but give the child a second breath
    to whisper and to remind

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    I like it. Wanted to hear maybe a little energetic slide part to contrast with the leoow pace of the rest of the song. Maybe when your finger heals?!

  3. #3
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    The player was down so I could'nt give it a listen. I'll try again later.

    I like the writing, especially that second stanza.

    I'm sorry to hear about your injury. I hope all heals well, and in short order.
    "History would be an excellent thing if only it were true."

    - Leo Tolstoy

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    Great stuff mate! Vocals were great, I would have increased the ratio to slide to vocals but only some of the time. Maybe a bit of compression would help here.

    Lyrics are great, you said fideliDy in the recording but I love the song regardless. You sound like someone I'd like to be in a band with

    If you're in Queensland!

    8/10

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    This is really nice. Definitely very Bright Eyes-sounding, but there's still your own thing going on too. I like the vocal melody and the way you're phrasing it.
    famous beagle

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    Thanks all for the comments. I agree with the guitar/voice mix. I've been doing live recordings and It's difficult to get it right and to get a good take. I like the vocal take but the guitar is pretty flubby and it's low in the mix.

    I think i may add an instrumental section. Sorta like joanna newsom's "side of the blue"

    I think this take was the first time i had ever done this specific use of dynamics, and i think it will be similar for the final.

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