need opinions on this song

grn

Well-known member
hello, I've written a new song... I've been writing a lot lately for my next record. this one is tentatively titled 'Cry a little'... download here:


please let me know what you think; it currently has vibraphone, guitar, vocals, and sparse drums... the solo was improvised and will be improved upon. I'm not sure how to end it yet.

lyrics:
I feel so irate
when I drive near your old place
at ---- laxton road, not far away

oh I cry a little

I know I must move on
and I got things to get done
but I so feel alone
'cause I know what I'm missing

so I cry a little

I hope I won't be
another tragedy
like freddie mercury
I got no one with me

and I cry a little

yeah I cry a little
 
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After the third verse maybe add a bridge that rises up ( a fourth ??? maybe) with a steady thump thump thump thump on the drums. Come out of that to the lead and either bridge/verse/chorus end or just verse/chorus end. That's kinda standard formula but that's how I would write it.....

The parts you have now are cool - very melodic, a bit sad, but at the same time has a positive feel - probably because of the melody......

:) :D :) :D
 
ido1957 said:
After the third verse maybe add a bridge that rises up ( a fourth ??? maybe) with a steady thump thump thump thump on the drums. Come out of that to the lead and either bridge/verse/chorus end or just verse/chorus end. That's kinda standard formula but that's how I would write it.....

The parts you have now are cool - very melodic, a bit sad, but at the same time has a positive feel - probably because of the melody......

:) :D :) :D


a bridge that rises up an entire fourth? do you definitely think it needs a bridge? I was also thinking of ending it a cappella with the chorus.
 
grn said:
a bridge that rises up an entire fourth? do you definitely think it needs a bridge? I was also thinking of ending it a cappella with the chorus.

Nicely done.

The beginning drums, to me, gives kind of a "Carribbean" feel. Then when the guitar comes in, the guitar sounds like a nylon-string folk guitar. It doesn't seem to match until everything comes together, which is kind of cool. The vocal overlay is a nice touch, as well.

I get a good feeling about it.

Keep up the good work!
 
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