Just finished writing some lyrics for my song

A.D.Ryan

New member
This is what I came up with. Is there anything you would change? Please help me with some ideas if you think the lyrics are to cheesy. I know that the word bend might bother some people, but I couldn`t think of anything else... Bow maybe? Ok, here we go:

Hay is bending in the sun
I don`t bend for anyone
Free a new life I start
Mom has lost a son

Hey is bending in the wind
I don`t bend for anything
Don`t stick to the rules, I say
Dreams are made for fools

Chorus: Heeey, things I`ve done to find my way
Heeey, Now just try to seize the day

Life is like a falling star
Far away but not so far
The sweetest thing we have
Fight to get the light

Hey is bending in the sun
I don`t bend for anyone
Don`t stick to the rules , I say
Dreams are made for fools

Chorus ( same lyrics)
Life is like a falling star
Far away but not so far
The sweetest thing we have
Fight to get the light


Thank you for reading
 
moresound

I honestly hated the word bend but couldn`t think of anything else. I was gonna use bowing to the sun, I don`t bow to anyone, but then people bow all the time as a sign of respect. Kneeling is an option. Of course, hay can`t kneel, but those who listen will understand that it`s just a figure of speech.
Thank you so much for the input! it seems so much easier to get somebody`s opinion on speaker, monitors etc.
 
Genuflecting?

Curtsying?

I see your problem....

Wouldn't go with "bowing" - sounds strange to me...

Nothing wrong with "bending", especially if you use (i have no idea what the technical term for this is...) "internal rhyming"...

Hay is bending in the sun
I don't bend for anyone
Sending me out on the run
Don't forget to pack my gun

Obviously I'm playing with your lyrics here, but I'm just trying to illustrate a concept...

I'm not understanding also why you're rhyming 1,2 & 4 but not 3... and then only in the first verse... and then you sorta rhyme 3 & 4 separately in the second verse and then do something different again in the third... but whatever...

Hey this is so much fun,
Bending AD's words I've done
Endings aren't his number one
Perhaps he'll try another one..

Sorry... can't help myself. It's Friday.
 
Haha, no no, any kind criticism is good:) In fact at first I went with Free a new life I`ve begun, but I have no idea why I changed it:) So you think the lyrics are silly, or just that part?
I didn`t wanna use bend: I don`t bend for anyone. I could already imagine how people would make gay jokes etc
Thanks again for the input!
 
You use imagery, which is a good thing.

One thing I will pick you up on is the fools/rules rhyme. I think it is actually a captital offence in some countries :) Well, not exactly, but it's been done to death. In the same leage as illusion/confusion.
 
Thank you Paulie! I`m not very happy with these lyrics, to tell you the truth... I usually ask for criticism when I know something`s wrong...
hehe don`t stick to the rules....dreams are made for fools.... I`m not trying to promote anarchy:)
 
I'm definitely feeling the message of the lyrics, but they do seem to need a bit of work. They seem a bit simple, not in message, but in form. I don't know, maybe I'm just nuts. I'm in no position to be giving advice on writing lyrics anyways, I'm still learning how to do so myself.

Again, cool emotion, good start.
 
I like the bending hay, it conjours up some interesting thoughts and pictures and it's pretty original.
I do agree about rules/fools. Right off the top of my head I can think of songs by Mahogany Rush {"The king who stole the universe"}, the Beatles{"Getting better"} and Van Halen {"Fools"} that use it. But that doesn't mean you can't recycle it if it's appropriate.
But once again, if the overall song is good, the lyrics of almost anyone will seem like genius, even if they are as corny as, well, whatever's corny ! My son and I were marvelling at two songs by this old time band called Middle of the road that had the worst lyrics known to mankind in 1971 {"Queen bee" and "Medicine woman"}. But the songs were great ! We couldn't stop singing them. We kept rewinding and singing !! The lyrics are so rubbish, especially Queen bee. But we love those songs ! Your lyrics are far, far superior.
But keep working on it. In trying to keep original it doesn't hurt to use unusual phrases and words. Too many phrases have been done to death.
 
It`s not easy to come up with something original:) I had no idea the rules/fools rhymes had been used before:) You have a great memory. You even remember in which songs it was used. I`m trying to think of some original lyrics..... Fireflies , I kissed a girl haha. Crazy lyrics but original. I`ll have to try and think out of the box! Thank you for the help! I`ll rewrite some of it.
 
Back
Top