I have lyrics to offer and would love a collaboration

Hey Gecko,

How are you? This is a sample one I quickly drafted today:

you are my sunrise,
dawn in my day,
ocean of dreams.

You bring hope
to my despair,
every day in a year.

you are the bond
which tightly binds
threads in this heart.

you are my summer
and now my winter,
my seasons for all time.

Please give me your opinion. I'd appreciate any feedback. Thanks

What you've written there is far easier for someone to create music for. For example, you could call the song 'Seasons' and use the last bit as a chorus, maybe with a few extra lines, e.g.

you are my spring,
you are my autumn
you are my reasons for feeling fine
you are my summer
you are my winter
you are my seasons for all time


So you have three verses and a chorus. Another verse would some in handy.
 
Hi Gecko,

Here's I have added a verse. I also have a part that could be chorus although I like your suggestion. Please let me know what you think:

you are my sunrise,
dawn in my day,
ocean of dreams.

You bring hope
to my despair,
every day in a year.

you are the bond
which tightly binds
threads in this heart.

you are my summer
and now my winter,
my seasons for all time

You are my sunshine
my reason for waking,
on cool balmy days.


Possible Chorus?

After all you're my fire
my destiny today
my once upon a time
stay with me this fine
day, this year, for eons.
After all, you're my fire
my destiny today,
my once upon a time,
stay with me this fine
day, this year, for eons.

Thanks. Looking forward to your comments.:-)
 
Hi Gecko,

How are you doing?

Here's another one to look at:

You found a heart to hold
a new heart that beats in time
to tunes of swing and soul.

Tell me are you happy
now you've left me
tell me are you happy
with your new found penny

Now, the picture has faded
and I can't see your eyes
reflecting that light of love

We could have been a light
in the eyes of this grown world
where the dream has shattered

Tell me are you happy
now you've left me
Tell me are you happy
with your new found penny


Hope to hear from you!

Best
 
[MENTION=201430]Ciren[/MENTION]

If I get a chance I will see what tunes suggest themselves.

The structure of both is much more easy to cast into a song.
 
Yo I'm also up for collaborations! Hit me up

Nuff' of these niggas is nothin'
Huh, break 'em off somethin
Yo, uh, uh, uh-huh, uh-huh
Is that enough? Uh Uh
Most of y'all was peepin'
Called a nigga sleepin', outside creepin'
Bust a clip gun up
Overpowered got me showered overflowing my cup
Spit acid, I'll make your vest dissolved refresh edit delete source rapgenius
A straight sin to a love-struck sucker involved
Quit worrying 'bout what Petey be doin'
You kept my dreams goin
So get the fuck out my way
Cuz you know it don't matter anyway
Up and John Coltrane up in my headphones
Kickin' rhymes hard as stone, whoopin' ass, snappin' bones
 
You lost me at 'sleepin'.

No desire to work with a troll bone snapper...

Make a good example for your kids and quit being a n-ignoramus.

Look at the world. You think this is a good idea for anyone's kids? You are the problem... Sorry, but you are not a good example of a worthy father to my children.
 
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I think you need stronger rhymes - lyrics generally always have rhyming words at the ends of the lines. Don't worry so much about internal rhymes but ending words are important. However, in songs, they don't have to be perfect rhymes.

Another thing is that melody tends to have the same number of syllables in lines pairs - not ALL lines the same, but lines that go together should be similar. And it is even better if you can match the sequence of strong syllables line after line.

Also - what are your titles? You need to have a catchy idea (a hook). Songs generally do not paint aural pictures with imagery words - they tend to tell stories or at least describe a situation. Imagery is second to a good storyline.

Here are some of my lyrics:

(verse)
Mr. Mystery
A riddle with no answer known
More lonely than you are alone
Except with me

Mr. Mystery
I can't believe how close we've grown
Still remaining on our own
So, why do we?

(chorus)
I know you need someone just like me
Why do you treat me so inconsequentially?
If life is what we make it, then it seems to me
We could make it, you and me, so perfectly

Mr. Mystery
Why do you sit at home alone
When you could use the telephone
So easily?

I know you need someone just like me
Why do you treat me so inconsequentially?

If life is what we make it, then it seems to me
We could make it, you and me, if only...
You could see

(bridge)
One life, one love
All my heart
No one rich, No one poor
Could love you more

(chorus)
I know you need someone just like me
Why do you treat me so inconsequentially?

If I could find the key
To your special mystery,
I would steal your heart and Lock it away forever
But you're a mystery

(c) Paul Motter 1990
 
motterpaul
Your advice may work for your songs, but I couldn't and wouldn't use those lyrics of yours. It really depends on what sort of song you have in mind. I sometimes write songs in the Beatles style, so I write appropriate lyrics. There are no rules - if there were then every song would sound similar.
 
When did a song need to have rhyming lyrics? Oh yeah, many pop songs that young children can associate with... LOL!

There is no right or wrong. One generation might consider 'I Am The Walrus' an awesome lyric. I actually do, even though I am not really a Beatles fan.

I am he as you are he as you are me
And we are all together
See how they run like pigs from a gun
See how they fly
I'm crying
Sitting on a corn flake
Waiting for the van to come
Corporation T-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday
Man you've been a naughty boy
You let your face grow long
I am the egg man
They are the egg men
I am the walrus
Goo goo g'joob
Mister City policeman sitting
Pretty little policemen in a row
See how they fly like Lucy in the sky, see how they run
I'm crying, I'm crying
I'm crying, I'm crying
Yellow matter custard
Dripping from a dead dog's eye
Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess
Boy, you've been a naughty girl, you let your knickers down
I am the egg man
They are the egg men
I am the walrus
Goo goo g'joob


There is no rhyming structure there, yet the song has some meaning right? And no racial or gangsta subtleties.

I find that the best written lyrics that get to my soul, are ones that are not direct in the premise. Ones that allow the listener to interject their own personal take on what the lyrics mean.

Vagueness is a virtue when writing.

Or just smack hoes and smoke blunts. Seems to be a market for that for some weird reason... :spank:
 
I agree with you jimmys69. My first twenty songs had no chorus or bridge. I didn't plan it that way. it was done by feel. Friends liked the songs and didn't notice anything missing. They worked by having a strong verse melody and another strong melody for a B section. As opposed to having a boring off-the-peg verse and a strong chorus. I hate those songs. 2 chords for verses.
Lots of potential songwriters think that you need verse, bridge, chorus. How do they expect to be original working with a formula? There are a lot of Beatles songs with no chorus.

Here's a verse from one of my songs.

Here's a love song, I know you don't deserve it
A love song, just came into my head
I don't remember who was to blame
I can't even remember your name
Well, to be honest, that's a lie
I choose to forget and I'm not sure why
But it's a love song so you must have meant something to me
 
Hi folks,

Thanks for all the input. Makes for music. I'm writing away but mainly poetry and that doesn't always rhyme either. I'm not into limiting things to a formula as you say, although it's good to know how things work. I'm up for co-writing and getting ideas going. Anyone up for that?
 
There is no rhyming structure there, yet the song has some meaning right?

Very true. But it takes a lot of lyrical skill to put together a song without a rhyming structure and still provide cadence and cohesion. Lennon wrote this track to poke his finer at those who were pretentiously trying analyze The Beatles' songs. It was a deliberate series of nonsense thoughts with no implied nor intended meaning. Despite that, the nonsense is extremely well-crafted nonsense.

I find that the best written lyrics that get to my soul, are ones that are not direct in the premise. Ones that allow the listener to interject their own personal take on what the lyrics mean.

This is particularly true of songs with a 'message'. People don't like being told what to do or think at the best of times, let alone via a song. If a song is written with a purpose of conveying a message, it needs to do so in a way that allows the listener to interpret that and draw their own conclusion, rather than being preached at.

But even for generic love songs you get a better and wider response if you write in a way that allows a listener to relate the lyrics to their own experiences. Being too specific limits the song's appeal, as you say.

Truly, "Vagueness is a virtue when writing".
 
When did a song need to have rhyming lyrics? Oh yeah, many pop songs that young children can associate with... LOL!

There is no right or wrong. One generation might consider 'I Am The Walrus' an awesome lyric. I actually do, even though I am not really a Beatles fan.

I am he as
you are he
as you are me
And we are all together

See how they run
like pigs from a gun
See how they fly
I'm crying

Sitting on a corn flake
Waiting for the van to come
Corporation T-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday
Man you've been a naughty boy
You let your face grow long
I am the egg man
They are the egg men
I am the walrus
Goo goo g'joob

Mister City
policeman sitting
Pretty little
policemen in a row

See how they fly like
Lucy in the sky,
see how they run
I'm crying,

I'm crying
I'm crying, I'm crying

Yellow matter custard
Dripping from a dead dog's eye

Crabalocker fishwife,
pornographic priestess
Boy, you've been a naughty girl, you let your knickers down

I am the egg man
They are the egg men
I am the walrus
Goo goo g'joob


There is no rhyming structure there, yet the song has some meaning right? And no racial or gangsta subtleties.

There are plenty of rhymes. but he chose to go with more internal rhymes. Also, I said a musical rhyme does not have to be perfect. Frinstance:

City, sitting, pretty, little - those are imperfect rhymes but the do the job. Plus this song is the exception, I could show the rhymes to hundreds of hit songs, it isn't rocket science.

Yesterday
All my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly.
I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me
Yesterday came suddenly

Why she, had to go, I don't know she wouldn't say
I said, something wrong, now I long for yesterday


Not only does this lyric rhyme like crazy, internally and at the ends of lines, but also, look at how he started and ended each verse with the same word. Lyric writing can be simple, but it is different from poetry.
Plus, also look at the syllable accents:

All my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay

I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me

If you look at a songbook you will see that they only write the melody once but they show two or even three sets of lyrics below it. That indicates that the syllabic feel and count is (nearly) identical with each new verse - including the rhythm. Look at the rhythm of your words and see if they all count out the same way in sequential verses.

Why she had _ to _go, _ _ I don't know, she wouldn't say
I said _ something wrong, _now I long for yes-ter ___ day
1 _ 2, _ 1 __ 2 ___3 _____,1 _ 2 3 _ _1 _ 2 _ 3 - _ _ _ 1

I mean... either you want real advice or you just want to write poems and look for people who put music to them. I have tried to work with poets before, it just doesn't lend itself to great songwriting.
I like to tell aspiring lyricists the two easiest words to rhyme are "you" and "me" - and to think "songs" not poems.
 
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There used to be a musician (deceased), went by the name "dugz ink", who was a member of a bunch of websites. He had a terrific series of posts on Rich's (also deceased) tweakheadz / studiocentral sites. For the life of me, I cannot find the posts but they're worth searching for. Doug taught me a lot about lyric writing.

There's a funny thing about looking at the lyrics/poems of others, IMO - sometimes an entire song will pop into my head when I read somebody's work. Most times, it doesn't happen but it sure is fun when it does. So keep searching, keep collaborating.

Timbo
 
motterpaul
Although I didn't think a lot of the lyric you posted earlier - Mr Mystery - I do agree with you generally. I write lyrics and poetry, and I'm well aware that they are completely different.
When I write a poem I have a rhythm in my head akin to a railway track sound. It's easier than counting syllables on fingers. I call that experience. Last night I wrote a poem. The first line has eight syllables so all the lines must have the same. I'm talking about real poetry that rhymes and can be read aloud, not prose with excessive carriage returns.
When I write song I have a musical rhythm in my head. The syllable count need not be so strict because a vowel can spread over more than one note. A song, unlike a poem, needs a diversion - a B section or a refrain or a chorus - to prevent the audience getting bored. Also the song title needs to be heard in the song, preferably more than once, so that the listener is in no doubt about the title.
I tended to write mostly songs before the lockdown, but now it's mostly poems because I can't perform. I agree that most poems make bad lyrics, and most lyrics need the tune to give them form. Poems and lyrics are different things.
I wrote poem last month which a friend turned into a song. I was surprised. I couldn't hear a tune when I wrote it, or afterwards. I had mentally filed it under Poems. However, this is the exception and not the rule.
 
Hey folks,

Appreciate all the incredible responses. So great to get advice from professional lyricists. I refer to throwing ideas around for songs not necessarily using my poetry specifically but collaborating brings out ideas, like brainstorming.
Keep the comments coming!
 
Ciren. Look at the lyrics (first verse) of one of the best songs ever written Smile Charlie Chaplin: Music (1936) John Turner/Geoffrey Parsons: Lyrics (1954)
Notice that the title appears four times in this verse, and twice in the second verse. Notice the pattern of 3 long lines & 1 short, which is repeated. Notice the rhyming, and most of all the clear meaning of the lyrics.

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through,
For you
 
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