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Thread: I have lyrics to offer and would love a collaboration

  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ciren View Post
    Hey Gecko,

    How are you? This is a sample one I quickly drafted today:

    you are my sunrise,
    dawn in my day,
    ocean of dreams.

    You bring hope
    to my despair,
    every day in a year.

    you are the bond
    which tightly binds
    threads in this heart.

    you are my summer
    and now my winter,
    my seasons for all time.

    Please give me your opinion. I'd appreciate any feedback. Thanks
    What you've written there is far easier for someone to create music for. For example, you could call the song 'Seasons' and use the last bit as a chorus, maybe with a few extra lines, e.g.

    you are my spring,
    you are my autumn
    you are my reasons for feeling fine
    you are my summer
    you are my winter
    you are my seasons for all time


    So you have three verses and a chorus. Another verse would some in handy.

  2. #22
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    HI Gecko,

    Thanks for feedback. I'll keep working on it and send you a more complete version. (:

  3. #23
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    Hi Gecko,

    Here's I have added a verse. I also have a part that could be chorus although I like your suggestion. Please let me know what you think:

    you are my sunrise,
    dawn in my day,
    ocean of dreams.

    You bring hope
    to my despair,
    every day in a year.

    you are the bond
    which tightly binds
    threads in this heart.

    you are my summer
    and now my winter,
    my seasons for all time

    You are my sunshine
    my reason for waking,
    on cool balmy days.


    Possible Chorus?

    After all you're my fire
    my destiny today
    my once upon a time
    stay with me this fine
    day, this year, for eons.
    After all, you're my fire
    my destiny today,
    my once upon a time,
    stay with me this fine
    day, this year, for eons.

    Thanks. Looking forward to your comments.(:

  4. #24
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    Hi Gecko,

    How are you doing?

    Here's another one to look at:

    You found a heart to hold
    a new heart that beats in time
    to tunes of swing and soul.

    Tell me are you happy
    now you've left me
    tell me are you happy
    with your new found penny

    Now, the picture has faded
    and I can't see your eyes
    reflecting that light of love

    We could have been a light
    in the eyes of this grown world
    where the dream has shattered

    Tell me are you happy
    now you've left me
    Tell me are you happy
    with your new found penny


    Hope to hear from you!

    Best

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    @Ciren

    If I get a chance I will see what tunes suggest themselves.

    The structure of both is much more easy to cast into a song.

  6. #26
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    Yo I'm also up for collaborations! Hit me up

    Nuff' of these niggas is nothin'
    Huh, break 'em off somethin
    Yo, uh, uh, uh-huh, uh-huh
    Is that enough? Uh Uh
    Most of y'all was peepin'
    Called a nigga sleepin', outside creepin'
    Bust a clip gun up
    Overpowered got me showered overflowing my cup
    Spit acid, I'll make your vest dissolved refresh edit delete source rapgenius
    A straight sin to a love-struck sucker involved
    Quit worrying 'bout what Petey be doin'
    You kept my dreams goin
    So get the fuck out my way
    Cuz you know it don't matter anyway
    Up and John Coltrane up in my headphones
    Kickin' rhymes hard as stone, whoopin' ass, snappin' bones

  7. #27
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    You lost me at 'sleepin'.

    No desire to work with a troll bone snapper...

    Make a good example for your kids and quit being a n-ignoramus.

    Look at the world. You think this is a good idea for anyone's kids? You are the problem... Sorry, but you are not a good example of a worthy father to my children.
    Last edited by jimmys69; 11-11-2019 at 18:27.
    PC Win10-64-24G i7-4790k/Cubase 10 Pro 64-bit/2-Steinberg UR824's/ADAM A7x/Event TR8/SS Trigger Plat Deluxe/Melodyne 5 Studio/Other things that don't mean anything if a client shows up not knowing what it wants.

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  9. #28
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    Great. looking forward to hearing from you!

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    Last edited by Ebberman; 01-06-2020 at 21:13. Reason: No interest

  11. #30
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    I think you need stronger rhymes - lyrics generally always have rhyming words at the ends of the lines. Don't worry so much about internal rhymes but ending words are important. However, in songs, they don't have to be perfect rhymes.

    Another thing is that melody tends to have the same number of syllables in lines pairs - not ALL lines the same, but lines that go together should be similar. And it is even better if you can match the sequence of strong syllables line after line.

    Also - what are your titles? You need to have a catchy idea (a hook). Songs generally do not paint aural pictures with imagery words - they tend to tell stories or at least describe a situation. Imagery is second to a good storyline.

    Here are some of my lyrics:

    (verse)
    Mr. Mystery
    A riddle with no answer known
    More lonely than you are alone
    Except with me

    Mr. Mystery
    I can't believe how close we've grown
    Still remaining on our own
    So, why do we?

    (chorus)
    I know you need someone just like me
    Why do you treat me so inconsequentially?
    If life is what we make it, then it seems to me
    We could make it, you and me, so perfectly

    Mr. Mystery
    Why do you sit at home alone
    When you could use the telephone
    So easily?

    I know you need someone just like me
    Why do you treat me so inconsequentially?

    If life is what we make it, then it seems to me
    We could make it, you and me, if only...
    You could see

    (bridge)
    One life, one love
    All my heart
    No one rich, No one poor
    Could love you more

    (chorus)
    I know you need someone just like me
    Why do you treat me so inconsequentially?

    If I could find the key
    To your special mystery,
    I would steal your heart and Lock it away forever
    But you're a mystery

    (c) Paul Motter 1990

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