First attempt at lyrics

S

schismatic

New member
Ok guys, been reading a bit about songwriting, had a few musical ideas in the past but I never got a full idea fixed down, it was always snippets. Therefore I decided I would try and write some lyrics first and then attempt to set music to them, in the hope that I might end up completing more projects and also to see if any musical/melody ideas came about from the lyrics. The song is untitled, but if you have any comments, feel free to throw them in. I haven't rhymed my lyrics, but I'm influenced by a lot of music that doesn't anyway (Maynard from Tool, Mikael from Opeth have a huge influence on me in the way I think about things musically).

The lyrics itself are just a bit of a personal rant at a few global issues at the moment, more of a personal trying to understand it all thing.


Lyrics:

Verse:

Tell me how, do you persuade
Someone to take action
To give their worth to causes
When they’ll never see the result?
How do they find the will
The mindless warring vexers
To explode their way to heaven’s gate
Not knowing the conclusion

Chorus:

Answers that I do not have
And cannot ask for certain,
Truth is a forgotten art
We’re slipping through our fingers
Lapses in our reasoning
Persistence in our lies
Truth is a forgotten art
Truth is a forgotten art

Verse:

Parasites feed daily on
Her essence to fuel conflict
We need her and she needs us
But we’re too consumed to notice
Draining her is draining us
A lie that we speak to ourselves
Is her illness terminal
Or doctor can you fix it?

Chorus:

Answers that I do not have
And cannot ask for certain,
Truth is a forgotten art
We’re slipping through our fingers
Lapses in our reasoning
Persistence in our lies
Truth is a forgotten art
Truth is a forgotten art


Breakdown:

But do I give a f**k about it anyway?
Ignorance is bliss they say

Chorus:

Answers that I do not have
And cannot ask for certain,
Truth is a forgotten art
We’re slipping through our fingers
Lapses in our reasoning
Persistence in our lies
Truth is a forgotten art
Truth is a forgotten art
 
It could be that they were like me.. I looked at it yesterday, but was too tired to give it proper attention. Sorry about that!

Today, I am still tired, but have read it properly - and I like it.

Some comments to take or leave as you wish....

I'm not sure on the first verse, it doesn't read quite as easily as the other parts imho. Also, I didn't get an immediate hook. You could use the 2nd verse first, which led me in better (just a thought), or rework it.

I assume that "she" is planet Earth?

There are some nice lines. I like "we are slipping through our fingers" for example, and "truth is a forgotten art" is hooky - which is good.

I'm not sure what it is on the first verse, but it does demand work on the part of the reader, and that may be an issue (and may even be why few have commented so far).
 
thanks for having a read and commenting, something constructive like that has definitely thrown a new light or perhaps a new perspective on the lyrics from my point of view. i'm going to have a little re-vamp of them, maybe change them to fit some rhythms i'm working with and then i'll re-post and hoepfully there'll be a change for the better.

cheers.
 
I’m trying, but my mind’s a blank. I have a BOOK of lyrics of my own I have been putting off for years. :o
 
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