Any feedback would be really appreciated

T

Troubadouroli

New member
It's lyrics I'm mostly thinking about. Thanks

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PjdRyajrfqU

I dont know what you're working for
Inside you're cage
You're shouting at your kids
For. Things that you did at their age
Working for the weekend on minimum wage
And thinking your government can help
Well one day there will be a revolution
Mark my words it's already fortold
And your money will be worthless
When the revolution comes
And you'll be left there wishing
That you'd turn your tail and run
When the world has gone to pieces
And it's all coming undone
Becuase the system you bought into has fucked up
So I stay stop working work the weekend
Don't save for the rainy days
The Gold you're parents told you
That the streets should have been paved
Was sold off by the banks to
Line the pockets of the rich
And your government never gave a shit
& Monday cones after every weekend
Like January for new years eve
And you'll wake up in the morning
With a countdown and a cough
And try to tell yourself your better off
Well I think I can tell you the solution
Come and join the rucksack revolution
There's a world outside your windows
And your soul can study be saved
If you've got what it takes to walk away
One says there will come a revolution
Mark my words it's ready for told
Your money will be workers when the revolution comes
And you'll wish you'd turners your tail and run
 
I liked it. You got a nice voice and there's a good melody there and I like where you're coming from in terms of lyrics. I think they could use a little tweaking and there's a few places where what you typed up is different to what you sang - just typo's but might be worth writing them down neat to analyse them.

You could consider changing the subject (is that right? Grammar isn't my strong point) - as in from 'I don't know what you're working for...' to 'I don't know what we're working for in our cage. Shouting at our kids for things they we did at there age' but then that is just something I've done to most of my lyrics since I turned 30 and it dawned on me I turned out just like everyone else :P but any who

Nice tune :) well done



Troubadouroli said:
It's lyrics I'm mostly thinking about. Thanks

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PjdRyajrfqU

I dont know what you're working for
Inside you're cage
You're shouting at your kids
For. Things that you did at their age
Working for the weekend on minimum wage
And thinking your government can help
Well one day there will be a revolution
Mark my words it's already fortold
And your money will be worthless
When the revolution comes
And you'll be left there wishing
That you'd turn your tail and run
When the world has gone to pieces
And it's all coming undone
Becuase the system you bought into has fucked up
So I stay stop working work the weekend
Don't save for the rainy days
The Gold you're parents told you
That the streets should have been paved
Was sold off by the banks to
Line the pockets of the rich
And your government never gave a shit
& Monday cones after every weekend
Like January for new years eve
And you'll wake up in the morning
With a countdown and a cough
And try to tell yourself your better off
Well I think I can tell you the solution
Come and join the rucksack revolution
There's a world outside your windows
And your soul can study be saved
If you've got what it takes to walk away
One says there will come a revolution
Mark my words it's ready for told
Your money will be workers when the revolution comes
And you'll wish you'd turners your tail and run
Click to expand...
 
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