Why Are You Sleeping?

Jolias

New member
Hello, hello,

I made a song and would be happy if anyone would help with some criticism. I've asked friends/family etc, but it's hard to know if they're just being nice...
There are some things I wanted your help with especially:

1. Mixing of the song. How does it sound to you? Do you have any tips to make it better?

2. Pronunciation. As english is not my native language I wanted to check with you if the vocals pronunciation is something that bothers you.

3. Overall. Lyrics, melody, instrumentation etc. If you have tips or comments about anything it's much appreciated.

Thanks!

Link:
Dropbox - Why Are You Sleeping?.wav
 
sounds well balanced and clear, for pop songs the words are often not so well understood as much as staying in the groove , right? I didnt hear any issues.

Yeah family and friends are pretty worthless critics imo.... theres too much personal noise there, not that band members and some might give real inputs but yeah...you dont know if its sugar coated.

# 1 and 2 seem fine..... would a producer go over # 3....make it radio ready in their mind,? change some words here or there to get it to flow...I dont know, its odd trying to formula up a tune and keep it original isnt it?
 
sounds well balanced and clear, for pop songs the words are often not so well understood as much as staying in the groove , right? I didnt hear any issues.

Yeah family and friends are pretty worthless critics imo.... theres too much personal noise there, not that band members and some might give real inputs but yeah...you dont know if its sugar coated.

# 1 and 2 seem fine..... would a producer go over # 3....make it radio ready in their mind,? change some words here or there to get it to flow...I dont know, its odd trying to formula up a tune and keep it original isnt it?

Thanks for the comments! I think I may go over the lyrics a bit, I'm not 100% satisfied myself (I think lyrics are the hardest part) and flow is very important.

Yeah, exactly, I try to tell my family/friends I can take criticism but it's hard to know how truthful they are...
 
This has a feel that reminds me of 80's pop music. I think the mix is mostly good. This is purely my subjective opinion but the 2 things that stick out to me negatively in the mix are 1) some of the synth sounds feel like they're right inside your ears particularly in the intro. 2) the rotary speaker effect on the chorus vocal is distracting to me. I think your lyrics are understandable so no issue with your English.

Overall this is a really solid effort.
 
Welcome to the forum. Good to see new people posting their songs. Don't forget: The Mp3Clinic works on reciprocity. We expect you to comment on other people's tunes too.

It sounds nice. Very close and in-your-face. But not the point of being offputting. There's room to add ambiance if you want. Those synth sounds push a lot of energy in those sensitive midrange frequencies that our ears are tuned to. Careful not to overdo it. No problem with your pronunciation.

One songwriting suggestion: Your payoff line at the end of the whole verse/chorus thing is a letdown (pretending they are fine/Waiting here for you/etc.). It's a drawn out, descending line that kills the feeling. It deserves a better melody there.
 
This has a feel that reminds me of 80's pop music. I think the mix is mostly good. This is purely my subjective opinion but the 2 things that stick out to me negatively in the mix are 1) some of the synth sounds feel like they're right inside your ears particularly in the intro. 2) the rotary speaker effect on the chorus vocal is distracting to me. I think your lyrics are understandable so no issue with your English.

Hm, yeah, maybe it's a bit to much effect in the chorus. I'll check that when I do my next mix. Also the synths. Thanks a lot!

Welcome to the forum. Good to see new people posting their songs. Don't forget: The Mp3Clinic works on reciprocity. We expect you to comment on other people's tunes too.

Thank you! Will do as much I have time to!

One songwriting suggestion: Your payoff line at the end of the whole verse/chorus thing is a letdown (pretending they are fine/Waiting here for you/etc.). It's a drawn out, descending line that kills the feeling. It deserves a better melody there.

That's very helpful! That's a thing that's hard to point out when you listened to the song to many times... But I definitely see what you mean.
 
This brings me right back to the 80s - Depeche Mode..Midge Ure...gated reverbs. It's a pretty cool jam. No problems with the mix, the reverbs are probably more than I would use but they suit the arrangement. I would never have guessed English is not your 1st language. You got some good melodies here which seem to improve on subsequent listens. Nice job
 
This brings me right back to the 80s - Depeche Mode..Midge Ure...gated reverbs. It's a pretty cool jam. No problems with the mix, the reverbs are probably more than I would use but they suit the arrangement. I would never have guessed English is not your 1st language. You got some good melodies here which seem to improve on subsequent listens. Nice job

Hehe, I never intended to do a 80s song but I guess it must be true if two of you say so. Depeche Mode is a favourite so I have no problem with that!

Nice to hear about the pronunciation, its so hard to hear yourself.

Thanks for listening!
 
Howdy Jolias

Just thought I'd throw some feedback your way having listened to and enjoyed your song.

1. Mix actually sounds pretty cool to me, kinda lo-fi and subtle, very nice.

2. Nothing to worry about in terms of pronunciation - all good man.

3. Melodies are real nice. Took me some time to get used to the first lines during the choruses, kind of a dark, dissonant end to them - but it kind of works, makes the resolution in the next line even more satisfying.

I don't really have anything to add, it's nice - short and sweet. Maybe there could be a slightly less abrupt ending, so some of the instruments could carry on a bit and drop out separately (I'm thinking that shimmering guitar/synth sound and the beat could carry on for a couple more bars). Good stuff though :)
 
I thought it sounded OK. The vocal was delivered well. The borderline pitchiness in spots actually sounded nice. I like the doubled-panned-wide-vocal in the chorus.

I'm not a big fan of the 80's reverb. Or the 80's.
 
Howdy Jolias

Just thought I'd throw some feedback your way having listened to and enjoyed your song.

1. Mix actually sounds pretty cool to me, kinda lo-fi and subtle, very nice.

2. Nothing to worry about in terms of pronunciation - all good man.

3. Melodies are real nice. Took me some time to get used to the first lines during the choruses, kind of a dark, dissonant end to them - but it kind of works, makes the resolution in the next line even more satisfying.

I don't really have anything to add, it's nice - short and sweet. Maybe there could be a slightly less abrupt ending, so some of the instruments could carry on a bit and drop out separately (I'm thinking that shimmering guitar/synth sound and the beat could carry on for a couple more bars). Good stuff though :)

Thanks for listening and compliments! Hm, I'll think about changing the ending, could be a bit abrupt, doesn't hurt to try and see what it sounds like.

I thought it sounded OK. The vocal was delivered well. The borderline pitchiness in spots actually sounded nice. I like the doubled-panned-wide-vocal in the chorus.

I'm not a big fan of the 80's reverb. Or the 80's.

Thanks for listening and your comments! Pitch is hard, on the one hand I wish I could sing more accurate but as you said I like it when it's shakey "in the right place" (I have Dylan as one of my favourite singers). The 80s is love or hate I guess.
 
No problems with your pronunciation at all. Though I could tell you weren't a native English speaker, I couldn't pin point where you were from. Nevertheless, it wasn't distracting at all, and I could clearly understand nearly every word. (And there are plenty songs where I can't understand every word even from English speakers! Pearl Jam comes to mind right away.)

The tune was nice, and your vocals sounded good. I do agree with Robus about the drawn-out ending to those phrases. I think it could be a bit stronger there.

The chorus sounded a bit thick and muddy to me. It didn't have the clarity that the verses had. I think there may be too many things stacked up in the same frequencies.

Other that that, it was a nice tune. Thanks for sharing!
 
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