A song tentatively called stasis

YellowDwarf

YellowDwarf

Dismember
Hi all,

I don't often post but try to come by when I can and help folks out.

This song has been incubating awhile and I think it's ready for your criticisms. It becomes a rock song, is all I'll say. Sorry for some of the musicianship, I know that most of you guys are really good, but it's the best I can do.

Thanks for the good and bad, I appreciate your ears.
Timbo

Stasis by YellowDwarfBand | Yellow Dwarf Band | Free Listening on SoundCloud

Lyrics:

the pretty queen wed herself an inbred thing : and we licked it up on the news
the lap of luxury overflowed the treasury : she blamed it all on her charity
our palates swallow the scandalous things, the mud-slinging things : our phones ensure her success
and when our screens go dark : her after-image drips away : and we celebrate another day


the king and queen are holding hands on tv
the pretty queen has provided him a blank-eyed child


she knows what we think = she know we don't dare
she gives us what we smoke = she knows our souls are bare
she knows what we need = it's expired democracy
we know why we're here = we serf to amuse her needs


the king and queen love to waltz on tv
the king and queen wear versace gowns


she told us how to think = so we thought we'd like to be free
she believed we needed her = we rejected what she sold
we tasted her afterbirth = and cast away her chains
she realizes what we are = we're a walking tidal wave


the king and queen force their smiles on tv
the king and queen never show their hands : cuz they are shaking
 
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Everything in this sounds really good to me and i like the production on it. Only thing i have to nitpick about is that it sounds like a lot of the tracks are hi passed a bit or something. It could have a little bit more low mids to give it more power. This of course is subjective since i like a good amount of low end. But overall i wasn't sure what you wanted comments about cause it all sounded good and well put together :)
 
It's an attractive backing track once the rock part kicks in. I like that pitch-bending electric piano patch, or whatever it is (what is that?). I think your low end needs beefing up. All the energy is in the piano/synth. Bring the kick/snare/bass up to fill it out. You're vocal gets gummed up and stepped on in the louder parts of the song. Once you have the backing tracks where you want them, I'd suggest going through the entire song and level balancing the lead vocal line by line, so that it's louder during the louder parts of the song and softer when the arrangement is softer.
 
Thanks Robus, that's helpful advice - let me do more listening along with the 2 comments.

The synth is Hybrid from Air - it came with my Advance 49. The patch is "Animal Companion". As soon as I tried it I knew it was what I wanted.

Timbo
 
I think the intro sounds pretty good. It goes on a long time and it takes the song an eternity to kick in. I wonder if you could get rid of some of the instrumental at the very beginning.

Once the song kicks in, it kind of loses the low end. The bass is introduced before that point, and it seems fine there. I think when it kicks in, there is a lot of energy in the 2Khz - 3Khz range and it takes away from everything else. All those synths and guitars at that point are kind of harsh. Otherwise, it's a real cool groove.

Maybe try to find a snare sample with a little more power? That one is kind of slappy.

Vocals are great. Maybe notch out a little something in the mid-2Ks?
 
Thanks for that, TripleM.

I've been working on a mix to get rid of your vocal complaint and the other commenters points about the low end. I'll share it when it's ready.

I kind of like the eternity part, but I get your point: I could lose a lot of listeners before the song picks up! But seeing as how my "listeners" are family, friends and you good folks ...

Thanks,
Timbo
 
The remix sound a little better in the low end, but I don't think the actual bass was where the low end was needing to be beefed up. I think the drums are what is lacking low end. The kick drum and the toms are too thin. I think the drums need a bit more low end (Not the snare though) and the drums need a little more volume.

Cool tune. The intro reminds me of the beat poets in the mid 1960's.
 
Cool tune, Timbo. I agree the drums need more low end. Mix overall is a little mid-heavy once it kicks in.

Try a little 60hz on that kick, and some 220-ish on that snare. Bass guitar sounds about right on my headphones.

I think the heavy midrange comes from a few elements; maybe a synth, but definitely the lead vocal needs more of a dip somewhere- around 2k-ish I think, you'll just have to make a narrow bell and sweep it around that area to find the offending frequencies. Roll off some high-end from the vocal reverb as well, if you haven't already, like shelf down to 7 or 8 k, maybe even lower. The vocal as a whole should be a little warmer in something like this, and not as aggressive.

Overall it's just a few adjustments to make this sound much better. :thumbs up:
 
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