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Thread: New Metal Song - The System

  1. #1
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    New Metal Song - The System

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    This is a song idea I had dormant for a while without vocals and finally figured out something. Feedback welcome - I am somewhat inspired by Disturbed a little and the new Avenged Sevenfold album, but cannot get close on the vocals as he is fricking awesome. I tried out EZX Metal Machine on this and think it works well.

    Feedback welcome.



    JONATHAN LINTON – THE SYSTEM
    (Words by Jonathan Linton, Music by Jonathan Linton)

    Those in power have us under control
    Live mindless souls livin’ in a fishbowl
    You can fool some people some of the time
    You can’t fool all people all of the time

    The time has now come
    Enough! We are done
    Social media’s won
    Change has begun

    We will fight against
    We will oppose
    We’re tired and we’re worn
    But we’re fighting the system
    Broken bureaucracy
    We will dispose
    A new day will dawn
    From fighting the system

    Enjoy your fat happy life while you can
    Beginning of your destruction has began
    Smart phones in hand, there’s a wildfire protest
    Burning desire to not be oppressed

    The time has now come
    Enough! We are done
    Social media’s won
    Change has begun

    We will fight against
    We will oppose
    We’re tired and we’re worn
    But we’re fighting the system
    Broken bureaucracy
    We will dispose
    We’re tired and we’re worn
    But we’re fighting the system

    SOLO

    We will fight against
    We will oppose
    We’re tired and we’re worn
    But we’re fighting the system
    Broken bureaucracy
    We will dispose
    A new day will dawn
    From fighting the system

  2. #2
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    The guitars sound fine for the genre - the sims make them a bit flat/lifeless though.
    Vocals - well your pronunciation of begun is odd & draws attention to itself as mannered and pretentious.
    The lyrics are faux angry and you don't sell them well.
    You may as well rant and rail against The price of lemons as against THE system as the lyrics & performance don't convey anything real.
    Using "...fighting the system." as your hook could get your skewered.
    The machine drums sound mechanical - the changes between presets aren't too bad but it's all very fixed with no flow. It probably works within genre rules.

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  4. #3
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    I find the irony between your choice of production plug-ins and drum machines and the first verse quite illuminating.

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  6. #4
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    Writing lyrics is hard work, by far the most difficult aspect of songwriting for some of us. I tend to agree with RayC. "Fight the system" comes across as somewhat empty, a generic rant about everything and nothing. Your song is worth another crack at the lyrics. Sometimes a concrete image, or a few inspired lines, can turn a meh lyric into a good one. Musically, it sounds fine for the genre. The amp sim is generic. For that matter, so are most real amp tones you hear. So I guess I wouldn't worry too much about it unless you really were out to put your own stamp on the guitars.

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    Lyrics are definitely tough work. You have to get something that catches, sounds good, and isn't cheasy... All at the same time trying to tell a story or something. Ideally you want to have a chorus that people will remember which Disturbed was very good at. The guitars to me don't sound heavy enough (aggressive) with the chugging which is most of the song. Like, the chug is in the weird lower mid range territory where heavy guitars just don't sound to great. Sometimes amp sims have cab sim models that just sound like that.

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    I think there's a lot of potential here. Maybe a back to back comparison with the tracks that provided the insperation would be helpful and provide some ideas for achieving more drive and feeling. I'm all about fighting the system, I'm tired of being F#*!#D by my government, I've had enough of being shit on.........Make us feel it ............you got to FEEL IT !!!!!!! The other issues will in turn be discarded like the fallen ranks of the enemy......... \m/ NOW WE FIGHT \m/

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