New Metal Song Idea - Human Remains

J

jonlint

Member
Have not had time recently for songwriting and recording, but finally got some time restart. I am working on a new song idea and would appreciate feedback - good and bad. I am going for a Ozzy type of vocal style.

https://soundcloud.com/jonathan-linton-3/human-remains

JONATHAN LINTON – HUMAN REMAINS
(Words by Jonathan Linton, Music by Jonathan Linton)
Your metamorphosis is going to plan
Remove compassion as much as you can
Your lust for wealth’s your one true love
And the term mother fucker fits like glove

Driven by materialistic gains
There’s nothing left, no human remains
Heartless soul, ice runs through your veins
And no remorse, no human remains

How’d you get yourself in this mess
Such an asshole, and such a success
All your friends you say are bona fied
When you’re in crisis will they be by yourside

Driven by materialistic gains
There’s nothing left, no human remains
Heartless soul, ice runs through your veins
And no remorse, no human remains

SOLO

Driven by materialistic gains
There’s nothing left, no human remains
Heartless soul, ice runs through your veins
And no remorse, no human remains
Wife and kids are gone with half your obtains
Now you’re alone, cause no human remains
 
I thought the guitars were pretty good.

The bass had a good strong low end. But it was a bit muddy and a little indistinct. Maybe a notch cut around 300hz and it might be sitting just right.

Vocals were clear. They lacked just a bit of low midrange. The reverb was much too and didn't sound like a real space.

edit - forgot the drums

Needs real drums. Or at least not techno-drums.
 
Good song otherwise but needs a chorus. Guitars were well played and singing was like you intended. Mix was good imo.
 
I think it's a pretty good song, as MB said some kind chorus or bridge would make it better. You've taken some criticism of your lyrics in past songs, but these are better IMO. Vocal is well sung has a bit much reverb. I didn't mind the sample drums, thought that snare sounded pretty big but why so much reverb? Guitars: tight playing, sounds like an amp sim. Good work, keep them coming.

That's three songs you've posted for feedback in recent weeks. I hope you'll become a full participant in the Clinic by listening and giving feedback to others.
 
Yeah the reverb on the snare is a bit much at the start. However during the lead break it works quite well. Maybe double up another sample to maintain heaviness and leave the snare dry initially, then space it out with verb in the lead break. Vocals are good
 
Mate, I don't know what criticism your lyrics have had in the past. Those lyrics aren't that bad - no worse than your average Sabbath Lyrics. They're possibly a little dated that's all.

Your singing is good, does sound very Ozzie - its a lot better than I can do.

Guitars - I actually thought it sounded a bit simmy (is it a sim?) and a bit gutless, if not a sim sounds like a low volume job.

What sim are you using? Or what amp/mic/pedal combo are you using. It just doesn't sound thick and heavy to me - it sounds synthetic and anodyne. Something more akin to Rammstein would suit it better. Your lead tone is good though. Try posting in The New Tone Thread when Greg gets back.

Other than that, its a good mix, everything is at the right sort of level and it works. I don't mind the reverb - I think it suits the song.
 
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