Need some constructive criticism

D

dkerwood

Member
Hey, guys, I'm looking to get about 5 or 6 more comments before I go back to square one and remix these tunes. Let me know what you think:

"Good Old Days (acoustic)" - This tune is a little rough, but it's sort of intended to be.

"You Are My Only Hope (Help Me Obi Wan Kenobi)" - This is my crappy attempt at mastering.

"You Are My Only Hope (Help Me Obi Wan Kenobi)" - This is the dry version, before I eq'd out some boomy bass and edited the beginning and end.

I'll take any comments except "this song sucks"! :cool:

Thanks, guys!
 
This song sucks.... :p
Ok, now that that is out of the way.... :D

Good Old Days...Nice tune. Guitar sounds kind of funny though. Not real bad, but it has a funny ring. Is it mic'd or plugged in? It just has kind of a harsh sound at each pick. I really noticed this when there were no vocals. Maybe the mic is really close, if it's mic'd?
Anyway, other than that little nit, good tune. I like it.

The mastered version of Hope is a bit boomy. It is more full than the dry version, and the vocals have more punch. Just a bit cluttered in the lower mid frequencies. Try a little negative eq in there. You'll have to search around for the frequencies so asa not to kill the song. Just a bit muddled.
Fun song though. Sounds like you are on your way with it.
Ed
 
I will give some thoughts about Good Ol Days.

1. The brush drum part gets lost in the mix. It sounds a little too wet with reverb which probably is something making it a little lost. So my suggestion would be to bring it up in the mix with a combination of less reverb and volume.

2. The tamborine is a little wet as well. It also might be a tad loud in the mix.

3. Your second vocalist is flat with you most of the time, so you don't have good timbre together. Might try having her get better in tune with you, or try some of those pitch shifting tricks. Or be your own back up vocalist. Boy talk about a way to get natural timbre and thickening vocals !

4. I "think" I heard bass guitar in there, but too faint. Bring it up in the mix.

5. Also try some better stereo imaging of the instruments and placement of things where they don't clutter each other's frequencies. Like the snare brush part partially on one side, and the tamborine on the opposite, and the rhythm guitar elsewhere.

The songs are definitely fun ! Thanks for posting and the chance to give feedback on them.

Sush
 
sushi-mon said:
I will give some thoughts about Good Ol Days.

1. The brush drum part gets lost in the mix. It sounds a little too wet with reverb which probably is something making it a little lost. So my suggestion would be to bring it up in the mix with a combination of less reverb and volume.

2. The tamborine is a little wet as well. It also might be a tad loud in the mix.

3. Your second vocalist is flat with you most of the time, so you don't have good timbre together. Might try having her get better in tune with you, or try some of those pitch shifting tricks. Or be your own back up vocalist. Boy talk about a way to get natural timbre and thickening vocals !

4. I "think" I heard bass guitar in there, but too faint. Bring it up in the mix.

5. Also try some better stereo imaging of the instruments and placement of things where they don't clutter each other's frequencies. Like the snare brush part partially on one side, and the tamborine on the opposite, and the rhythm guitar elsewhere.

The songs are definitely fun ! Thanks for posting and the chance to give feedback on them.

Sush
Click to expand...
Boo! You saw through my attempts to cover mistakes! The backup vocal I accidentally processed through the pitch shifter in the wrong key... So I tried to fix it by RErunning it through in the right key... the result was less than desirable. We'll probably have her rerecord that part. The bass was an acoustic bass, and the original track was too noisy with fret buzz and string noise. It was also slightly out of tune to the rest of the track (my acoustic was a tad sharp, so everything sounds flat, including the pitch "corrected" vocals). I was hoping that I had covered them enough that they weren't noticable, but you caught me. I'll fix them the hard way - at the source.

Thanks for the feedback, guys. Keep it coming!
 
dkerwood said:
Boo! You saw through my attempts to cover mistakes! The backup vocal I accidentally processed through the pitch shifter in the wrong key... So I tried to fix it by RErunning it through in the right key... the result was less than desirable. We'll probably have her rerecord that part. The bass was an acoustic bass, and the original track was too noisy with fret buzz and string noise. It was also slightly out of tune to the rest of the track (my acoustic was a tad sharp, so everything sounds flat, including the pitch "corrected" vocals). I was hoping that I had covered them enough that they weren't noticable, but you caught me. I'll fix them the hard way - at the source.

Thanks for the feedback, guys. Keep it coming!
Click to expand...

You can eq out some high frequency bass noise. Plus, once everything is going, you would be surprised that quite a bit of the annoying bass fret noise is lost in the mix. But since things are out of tune with each other. You might want to re-track at this point.

We took a long time cutting tracks on an album. The mastering guy heard that one of the guitars was out of tune, so we had to retrack that guitar for 11 songs ! I feel your pain
 
I think Sushi-mon's review was pretty accurate. I can't hear any kik, the drums in general are too low. The vocals are off more often than they're on. also, the "Obi" hook is alright, but I don't think it's good enough to warrant repeating so many times, but that's just a personal preference. The whole mix seems "muddy" somehow, though I wish I could describe it better. I like the tune though, just might need some re-tracking and re-mixing.
 
Last edited:
Help Me OBI - Mastered Version. I think the previous posts are pretty accurate... more drums, retrack vocals and maybe less of the obi line. The song loses me a bit when the quiet part occurs - maybe add a sustaining note (feedback guitar?). That being said, this is a very well written song - good beat, catchy and full of variety. Very (if I may say) pop-rock! I can already hear the "Help me Obi" part in my head after it ended and THAT's a good thing! The mastering job seems smooth and full to me.
 
ido1957 said:
Help Me OBI - Mastered Version. I think the previous posts are pretty accurate... more drums, retrack vocals and maybe less of the obi line. The song loses me a bit when the quiet part occurs - maybe add a sustaining note (feedback guitar?). That being said, this is a very well written song - good beat, catchy and full of variety. Very (if I may say) pop-rock! I can already hear the "Help me Obi" part in my head after it ended and THAT's a good thing! The mastering job seems smooth and full to me.
Click to expand...
Yeah, I could probably stand to nix a few choruses. We're recording right now almost verbatim as we play it live, though, and live, you can NEVER repeat the chorus too many times.

It's sad how much of this stuff I'm going to probably need to rerecord... our bassist is very busy and isn't keen on spending her free time in the studio. Of course, she's still in high school and works 20-30 hours a week, so I can totally understand her pain. But I hope she understands it when I record her bass lines myself! LOL...

The biggest pain is getting all this stuff set up over at my drummer's house (my home rehearsal space is a basement that's WAY too live to record in). I hate imposing all these mics and cables and amplifiers and guitars and such on his family... ah, but it's all part of the fun... lol...

Thanks for the advice. Keep em coming. I'll probably mute the Broncos/Steelers game and do some remixing this weekend. Maybe I'll even retrack some things if I get to feeling ambitious. Keep making suggestions so that I can keep improving it! :D
 
dkerwood said:
(my home rehearsal space is a basement that's WAY too live to record in)
Click to expand...


Don't be so sure....have you tried it? Especially for drums? Live is a good thing.......Bonham recorded in a concrete stairwell.
 
NL5 said:
Don't be so sure....have you tried it? Especially for drums? Live is a good thing.......Bonham recorded in a concrete stairwell.
Click to expand...
Well, back when I was recording by moving a SM58 around down here and using it to record everything, it was fine. Now that I have a condensor mic that records not only what I'm singing, but also the reflection off of the concrete wall... and the floor... and the exposed ceiling...

Let's just say it sounds like recording in a can.

I don't mind recording guitars or drums down here as long as I only get a little ambient sound and not too much... but vocals, especially with the new mic, are way TOO "roomy".
 
I know this post is of no assistance (that wont stop me) but I dug the concept of the Obi tune. Bit repetitive from a single standpoint and I prefered the dry version. IMO the song needs to be rearraged (shortened) and practically re-recorded with more emphasis on the engineering as there were mant unmaskable mistakes.

May the force be with you.
 
Funny thing, we tend to want to accentuate the strongest part of a recording unit, in this case I thing think the hands-down winner is the excellent vocals. Unfortunately, a lot of good potential other parts seem to be missing. The harmony vox are a close second in volume, guitar are competing for if not exceeding that harmonies. Nice clean recording of lead, harmony vocals and acoustic guitar, but from a production/mix standpoint I would say a bit too hot of a mix for my taste. Too "in my face". This could probably be remedied with a good mastering house, but as is a little too hot on vox and guits. Again, just my ears.
 
Seeker of Rock said:
Funny thing, we tend to want to accentuate the strongest part of a recording unit, in this case I thing think the hands-down winner is the excellent vocals. Unfortunately, a lot of good potential other parts seem to be missing. The harmony vox are a close second in volume, guitar are competing for if not exceeding that harmonies. Nice clean recording of lead, harmony vocals and acoustic guitar, but from a production/mix standpoint I would say a bit too hot of a mix for my taste. Too "in my face". This could probably be remedied with a good mastering house, but as is a little too hot on vox and guits. Again, just my ears.
Click to expand...
By "too hot", do you mean too LOUD, or just that I need to throw a reverb on some of these parts?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top