My best song yet...

WhiteStrat said:
I'm a little late to this party...tried to your song, elenore19, but it won't load in the putpile.com page. Everything's coming up on the page, but the song never loads, so the play button doesn't activate... :(

Maybe there's a ghost in the machine. I'll try later.
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Damn, that's disappointing. I just tried it and it worked fine for me. Huh.
Well I could always e-mail it to you if you want.
 
elenore19 said:
Damn, that's disappointing. I just tried it and it worked fine for me. Huh.
Well I could always e-mail it to you if you want.
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Sure, I'd like to hear it. If you go through the trouble of e-mailing it to me, I'll give it a good listen and post my comments.

Check your PMs for my e-mail address.
 
i listened to the rest of your songs, and i like the racontaurs influence, among others. you guys got potential. dont find another vocalist, just get better. you got style, skill will come soon enough.
 
nopoetic said:
i listened to the rest of your songs, and i like the racontaurs influence, among others. you guys got potential. dont find another vocalist, just get better. you got style, skill will come soon enough.
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Thanks man! Very much appreciated!
 
you write catchy shit. if you gain control over the note changes these songs will be very good. i honestly think all the other songs are better than the one you were asking opinions on. they're punkish is quality but don't lack the hooks. keep it up. give it a few years and you'll be on your way to making something from this.
 
nopoetic said:
you write catchy shit. if you gain control over the note changes these songs will be very good. i honestly think all the other songs are better than the one you were asking opinions on. they're punkish is quality but don't lack the hooks. keep it up. give it a few years and you'll be on your way to making something from this.
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Ha, kickass, was not expecting that. Thanks man. You'll like some other songs we're comin' out with. I'll keep you posted. Thanks again!


I have to sleep, so I'll check back on this thread tomorrow. Thanks for all the input guys! It totally kicks ass.
 
I listened to the updated "putfile" link...sounds pretty good. :D Everything has it's spot in the mix, and nothing is overwhelming volume-wise. Good job....:D
 
yeah, the updated version is a pretty good mix. the vocals are a bit rough, but i think they mostly work. at first i wasn't digging them, but after a couple listens it grew on me.

the whistling, however, i don't think works very well at all. also, the song needs more rehearsal--a lot of rhythmic sloppiness on some of the sudden transitions, and a few wanderings elsewhere too. if you nail those, it'll be super-tight.

good attention to detail in the songwriting process. i really dig the instrumental bridge. well-written song. reminds me of muse. :)
 
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drossfile said:
yeah, the updated version is a pretty good mix. the vocals are a bit rough, but i think they mostly work. at first i wasn't digging them, but after a couple listens it grew on me.

the whistling, however, i don't think works very well at all. also, the song needs more rehearsal--a lot of rhythmic sloppiness on some of the sudden transitions, and a few wanderings elsewhere too. if you nail those, it'll be super-tight.

good attention to detail in the songwriting process. i really dig the instrumental bridge. well-written song. reminds me of the muse. :)
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Yeah, we record track by track, so it's a lot harder to "Stay together" throughout the song rhythmically than if we were playing live. Yes, we do use a click track, but it's just a matter of us keeping to that the whole song, which we have a habit of not doing, obviously.
Yeah, the whistling is sort of out there, I'm indifferent about it really. I'll most likely change it when we release the song on our actual album. Right now it's just for a split we're doing for charity with our friends Ckastle Danger (a rap group) so we're planning on fixing the song up even more eventually.

Yeah, muse is a big influence, I wish it didn't show so much. But I'm still proud of this piece either way. Thanks for the feedback! Really appreciate it!

[size=+3]EDIT: NEW VERSION UP! Updated vocals! Better in tune(in my opinion.)
http://media.putfile.com/Final-Aggravating-Truth[/size]
 
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interesting... are you a big Mars Volta fan?

I think it sounds pretty good, although it sounds pretty compressed to me. My only big gripe is that the playing seems pretty sloppy.
 
Listening to the most updated mix. Performances are pretty sloppy. Vocals are very loud and pitchy and straining. This song should be in a lower key so the singer can handle it.

The mix has a very modern lo-fi feel to it. Maybe that's what you want, but this song could stand to have some big production - especially near the ending. The left guitars and bass are muddy and mush the the whole bottom end up. The drums lack depth and space and just kind of sit there lifeless in the mix. Although it's strange and distracting at first, I like the hard panned piano.

If this is your best song ever, you need to treat it better. ;)
 
Let me just add really quick that I've never heard someone who isn't a vocalist suggest playing in a key to support a vocalist. Cool, Greg. Novel idea, huh?

Elenore19, I am stoked you wrote a song you are proud of. Don't let what anyone has to say change that at all. You've asked for criticism, and I'm going to lay some on you. :)

The following is IMO, YMMV etc and don't take it personally.

As a practical matter, the song could be improved by increasing the overall drum volume and the snare in excess of that, and lowering the overall vocal volume. The bass is going to be replaced and so I'll just leave it out.

The drums have serious timing issues. When you add guitars and bass guitar tracks with additional timing issues each searching for a groove it makes for some really tense and uncomfortable music. Sometimes you can use that to your advantage, and sometimes it works out in an arrangement just because it's a coveted "happy accident".

This is not one of those times. The drummer needs to work with a click track.

Sometimes and only very rarely does sloppy work. Your band is not hardcore enough to do this.

You have good ideas and sound songwriting instincts. Keep following them. Keep playing the bass and piano and keep practicing at all the instruments you can manage. Instruments write their own songs and it's good to have more than a few around. The piano arpeggios in this song would sound better if you had played them better. Practice with a click track so that you can play notes of an even velocity evenly spaced. Remember that your piano can also play quietly. Build it into the song.

My immediate advice is to find some experienced musicians who can help you realize the music in your head. It's good music.

My advice as far as vocals go is to keep at it and eventually you will discover what you can do well. It may not be what you really want to do. Ignore the desire to sound like you want to sound, and invest in making your voice sound great at what it does well. This should include mic and post processing selection. You have good relative pitch, but your voice needs to mature some more.

Keep up the good work and keep posting for us to listen.



-Casey
 
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