Lonely Fool

Irwin abrigo

Irwin abrigo

Member
Hi guys, this song is a collaboration I did with two of my friends and I am asking for some feedback.

Lonely Fool by Jay Williams Productions | Free Listening on SoundCloud

Lonely Fool

©2019 Irwin Byron Abrigo


(First verse)

If anybody see my baby

Tell her that I'm feeling lonely

Cause not anyone

Can do the things she does

She keeps me lively

In the day time

Make's me groan in the night

But now that she's gone I really


(Pre chorus)

The room is still a room

A chair is still a chair

The bed still lies there

But if she's not here


(Chorus)

I’ll be at home like a lonely fool

Pretending to be cool

If she's not here to open the door

When I got home



(Second verse)

If anybody see my lady

Tell her that I'm going crazy

She said she's leaving

Miss understanding

I said baby don't you worry

I will be happy

But that was a lie

Cause now I really


(Pre chorus)

The room is still a room

A chair is still a chair

The bed still lies there

But if she's not here


(Chorus)

I’ll be at home like a lonely fool

Pretending to be cool

If she's not here to open the door

When I got home


(Bridge)

I don’t want to be a lonely fool

Sitting alone in these lonely rooms

Since she’s been gone there been pain in my brain

Asking myself over and over again

Am I a fool (no) did all I had to do (Yes)

Then why she’s not in my presents

Why in my arms she is absent


(Pre chorus)

The room is still a room

A chair is still a chair

The bed still lies there

But if she's not here


(Chorus)

I’ll be at home like a lonely fool

Pretending to be cool

If she's not here to open the door

When I got home
 
Did you mix this, or did Jay Williams?

The big thing that's sticking out to me is that the vocal isn't quite fitting in. For one, the timing is pretty weird. I'm not sure if it's written that way or if the vocalist had trouble finding the beat because of all the delay effects on the drums.
For another, her vocal is very dry. It makes it sound like she's not in the same space as the rest of the "band". She needs some EQ and reverb to make her vocal match the tone of the rest.

I think working with a singer and a producer will definitely help you hone your sound tho.
 
Hey Irwin.......I agree with VomitHatSteve in that the vocal timing is off in parts.......even if that was the effect you were going for. As an example........when the vocal first comes in early on. I'm a musician.....as are most here on the forum.......so I guess our tendency would be to expect something with more instruments than featuring mostly percussion. As such....and don't be insulted.....but I found myself waiting for a song to break out. The vocal sound is not appealing but that's only my opinion. As was pointed out........it's dry. As well......I've heard your stuff before and that does seem to be one of your signatures.

I kept finding myself wondering how building new instrumental tracks around the vocal would sound? In itself......she does a very nice vocal take......has a nice voice......and I think there are other directions the song could have taken. Did you ever "picture" this song in any other way than the way you did it?

All that being said.........thanks for the listen!
 
Hi Mickster,

Thanks for coming on and giving a comment. I do have an original melody/take for this song of which I had sent to the producer who have produced this song has I mention above this is a collaboration. But what you are hearing in the music that's all the producer's idea. my style it is different.
 
Irwin abrigo said:
Hi Mickster,

Thanks for coming on and giving a comment. I do have an original melody/take for this song of which I had sent to the producer who have produced this song has I mention above this is a collaboration. But what you are hearing in the music that's all the producer's idea. my style it is different.
Click to expand...

Sorry Irwin.......my mistake. I knew I had heard your music before but my memory of it was not correct. By the way.....just last night I heard a song collaboration by Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber called "I Don't Care". Not real close to your collaboration.....but it did remind me of it and what direction I might have taken your production.
 
Mickster said:
Sorry Irwin.......my mistake. I knew I had heard your music before but my memory of it was not correct. By the way.....just last night I heard a song collaboration by Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber called "I Don't Care". Not real close to your collaboration.....but it did remind me of it and what direction I might have taken your production.
Click to expand...

I understand.
 
Hey Irwin...I like the music track but if this producer is telling you to do the cadence for the VOX I would respectlfully decline. It puts you out of time...Just my thought...Cool track though...seriously
 
SteveAlton said:
Hey Irwin...I like the music track but if this producer is telling you to do the cadence for the VOX I would respectlfully decline. It puts you out of time...Just my thought...Cool track though...seriously
Click to expand...

Hi Steve, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. Good advice, I am thinking now.
 
this is great and i agree with the other comments about the vox. they're so good they need to be highly featured - as is, they're in the back seat.
 
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