Hmm. I agree that you have balls and that's good. Keep at it.
The recording quality is poor. You need to work on your vocals a lot. It's one thing to be a little flat, but to be completely out of key is distracting....also concentrate on *singing*...maybe try singing solo without trying to play guitar at the same time. It kind of sounds like you're singing because you have to, not because you're feeling something.
From your lyrics I get the impression that you're young, and I would expect you to sing about things that are important to you now...that's cool. But you might work on your lyrics a bit...avoid excessively simple rhymes and cliches....put some real effort into the words and how they impact the cadence of the song.
You might also work on song structure...repetition only works with a very good hook. Your vocal melodies consist only of a few notes that pretty much just match what the guitar is doing. There are no real changes in the song structures to speak of. Think of songs in terms of tension and release, dynamics, contrast...human emotion is complex...you feel sad, then you feel angry, then you might feel a little sorry, then sad again, etc! If what you're really trying to say is in the chorus of the song, then let the song build to the choruses...don't just let the chorus be a repetitive verse. In doing so, these songs are a lot more like folk music than "emo" (a term, BTW, equivalent to "alternative" in the early 90's). Try writing your vocal melodies BEFORE you write your guitar parts...this will really start making things interesting. Guitar players who write songs to guitar progressions often end up with vocal lines that sound like the first thing that popped into their heads. And don't be afraid to just end a song....if you've already said what you wanted to say and are trying to force out another verse because you want to reach that 3:00 minute radio music mark, then just end it.
Anyways, these are just some things to consider. This is your music and your art, and you can do whatever the hell you want. Always remember that!
Slackmaster 2000
