journey for people who don't like journey

heatmiser

heatmiser

mr. green christmas
Ok, this is a bit odd...

I have never liked journey and I always particularly disliked the song open arms, but I heard it on the radio the other day and had an idea...bluegrass...:eek:

Well, I am incapable of playing bluegrass, so I just sort of tried to go in that general direction. I got the chords and lyrics off the net and did this in about an hour or two in the garage. I changed the melody a bit in places and added some harmonies to try for sort of an appalachian sound.

I realize the recording quality is nothing special (no reverb or eq yet), but I am wondering what folks think about it conceptually at least. What, if anything, could I or should I do to this to improve upon what I have?

If any of you heard or remember my version of the go-go's vacation from a few months ago, this is sort of in that same vein.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=660667&songID=5803323

Thanks in advance for any advice, comments, etc.
Pete
 
I don't know the original, but I like the style you have going here. I thought your vocals were a little too separated, but the singing was good.
 
Thanks for listening monkey allen...

your vocals were a little too separated
Click to expand...

So the panning is too extreme? There are 2 main tracks and 2 bgv tracks...is there a general rule of thumb for panning in these situations?
 
Lol. Man, no offense, but that doesn't sound very bluegrass. It just sounds like a bad acoustic cover. Some of the harmonies are off and the vocal tone sounds sort of robotic. Maybe that's whats throwing it off for me. I like the idea of where you're going with it though. Just clean up the performance some. :)
 
heatmiser, there's no rules...but I felt that they may have been better closer together. I'm with Greg too...it could have been a little more bluegrass!
 
Greg_L said:
Lol. Man, no offense, but that doesn't sound very bluegrass. It just sounds like a bad acoustic cover. Some of the harmonies are off and the vocal tone sounds sort of robotic. Maybe that's whats throwing it off for me. I like the idea of where you're going with it though. Just clean up the performance some. :)
Click to expand...
I agree 100% and it sounds like a campfire version ----- and tune that guitar, too. ;)
Bluegrass ? Where's the fiddles, banjo and maybe the odd yodel
 
Thanks for being brutally honest :o.

I should have known mentioning bluegrass would be a problem. I was just trying to explain what led me to decide to do a faster, mellower acoustic version of the song. If I could have done a bluegrass version I would've, but if soundclick had a campfire genre, I'd gladly move it there.

The guitar is a 1948 Kay archtop hollowbody (my dad's old cheap but beautiful guitar) with intonation issues. The strings are a couple of weeks old. It was tuned immediately prior to tracking. That is about as good as it gets. So, if it is that noticeable, I either need a new guitar or need to lay off the acoustic numbers 'cause it ain't gonna get much better than that :(.

As for my singing, I would've said I have an abnormally low voice with very little range. But I honestly thought I had pretty good pitch and was fairly expressive. So the robot comparison hurts, but I probably need to know these things.

I have to face the sad possibility that I may be tone deaf (?). I just don't hear the pitch issues with the voice or guitar except in a few brief instances...I really do appreciate the comments though, as I normally don't have the guts (or can't be bothered) to let someone know when their recording has problems.

Thanks again :).
 
Here's my brutally honest opinion...

1. Guitar is out of tune, really needs to be fixed
2. Vocals sound pretty good to me. Lower notes are out of tune and sound kind of like when I try to sing while I'm really drunk/wasted
3. Rhythm guitar needs some changing in rhythm to make it more interesting. Kinda makes the song sound like it's "dragging on"

Tune the guitar. Don't drink before you sing. :D J/k

But fix the performance issues like the others said and I think an acoustic version of this would actually sound good. Aside from those 3 things, I like it.
 
heatmiser said:
Thanks for being brutally honest :o.

I should have known mentioning bluegrass would be a problem. I was just trying to explain what led me to decide to do a faster, mellower acoustic version of the song. If I could have done a bluegrass version I would've, but if soundclick had a campfire genre, I'd gladly move it there.

The guitar is a 1948 Kay archtop hollowbody (my dad's old cheap but beautiful guitar) with intonation issues. The strings are a couple of weeks old. It was tuned immediately prior to tracking. That is about as good as it gets. So, if it is that noticeable, I either need a new guitar or need to lay off the acoustic numbers 'cause it ain't gonna get much better than that :(.

As for my singing, I would've said I have an abnormally low voice with very little range. But I honestly thought I had pretty good pitch and was fairly expressive. So the robot comparison hurts, but I probably need to know these things.

I have to face the sad possibility that I may be tone deaf (?). I just don't hear the pitch issues with the voice or guitar except in a few brief instances...I really do appreciate the comments though, as I normally don't have the guts (or can't be bothered) to let someone know when their recording has problems.

Thanks again :).
Click to expand...

Well man, don't take it personally. If I sounded harsh I certainly didn't mean to be. It's just what I heard. I don't think anyone in here is trying to be obnoxiously nagative. Use these unbiased opinions to your advantage and work on the stuff thats mentioned. If 2 or more different people on different systems hear the same problem, then it's probably really something to look into. Just keep working at it. Good luck bro. :)
 
Thank you Danny and Greg.

Danny, I think I only had 3 or 4 beers...;) I

No apologies necessary Greg :)...and I don't feel that anyone is being obnoxious. I am not trying to dispute anyone's observations, but merely expressing frustration over the fact that, since I can't hear the problems the way you all hear them, I am concerned that I may not be able to fix them.

Seriously...I may be tone deaf.

But, I am nothing if not stubborn...so, I now intend to stick with this general idea but retrack everything. I will try to pay closer attention to pitch when tracking vocals and will also try to vary the instrumentation at least to some degree.
 
This was fun in a Dr.Demento kinda way..........I had a mental picture of a bunch of migrant farm workers, sitting around a campfire at night, drinking nyquel and singin' songs.....good fun!
 
Everyone else pretty much covered it. Not much to add, except it's pretty monotonous. I suspect it's the rhythym guitar that does that mostly.

It has potential, but needs some dynamics. Something to break it up a little.

It does have a campfire feel to it. Like 14 guys all strumming the same guitar chords. :)
 
lol...the working title for my next version will have to be, "14 tone deaf robots drunk on Nyquil sitting by the campfire and not playing bluegrass":). A bit long, but...
 
Interesting rendition.....

Actually that is like the only tune of theirs I like...........My wife doesn't get your version....What does she know??? You got guts I'll give you that....

Nice campfire feel....yeah just everyone hanging out singing JOURNEY.....Pass the marshmellows please...........

Steve Altonian

http://www.soundclick.com/stevealtonian
 
Are you tracking the vocals separately with headphones? That might help. Although you may lose the ability to hit the harmonies, the lead vocal sounds like its in the wrong key for your voice. I would say bring it up, one step at a time until you hit that sweet spot. The vocals could use a bit more flava - some of that soul that my buddy says I have none of....haha..... And some variety on the strumming as mentioned before... Don't be discouraged, I think everyone here is being honest but also supportive.... now pass the smores....

:D:):D:)
 
Thanks for chiming in Ido and smaltonian...

smaltonian - you can tell your wife that she is not alone.

Ido - Unfortunately, there does not seem to be a sweet spot, and I am, much like a robot, souless :rolleyes:.

Anyway, I tried to incorporate as much of everyone's feedback as possible and re-did the whole thing tonight...I paid a little more attention to pitch whilst singing, and I added a considerable amount of additional instrumentation. I hope I didn't go overboard, as the whole point of this thing was to point out that this could be a pretty normal song without all of the vocal acrobatics and the cheesy arrangement.

So please check it out and see what you think...

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=660667&songID=5824094
 
Marked improvement .....

- the added rhythm guitars really fill it up and take away that some of that simple strumming monotony that the original version had. Good bright tones on that guitar on the right.
- the leads are a good idea. Just ask Gorty - he'd approve of the ones you've used here. They add an additional dimension of melody outside the main song.
- the vocals are better, I like the tone of the mic/pre you're using. I still think this is too low of a key, and the unison parts are a bit pitchy in spots. Unison or doubling is really tough. That's why I never do them (lol)... The harmony parts are good - well thought out considering there are none on the original.
- there's some crackling on the intro that I think carries through the mix.
- the mix overall is quite good.

:):D:):D
 
Thanks so much Ido for coming back, checking out the new version and offering your thoughts. I hope some others will be willing to give this another try as I am curious how many of the issues that were mentioned have been addressed.

The vocals continue to challenge me. I could have transposed it to another key, but frankly, my voice is so low (I left the count-off at the beginning to give some sense of what I'm dealing with for a speaking voice), that I couldn't hit higher notes than these without risk of my voice just cracking.

I guess the unison thing is harder than I thought. Each of the two lead vocal tracks sound pretty ok pitch-wise by themsleves (and you hear more expression), but kind of...small. I liked the fullness of the two together, but I guess the warbly effect is either me not getting to the same notes at the same time, or just not singing the same pitch at all?

The crackling is pretty obnoxious.

Thanks again :)...everyone's criticisms and suggestions have been very helpful to me so far.
 
This is CONSIDERABLY better. This new version is listenable. I really like it. Still not "bluegrass", but it stands well on its own just how it is. Great improvement and great job. :)
 
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