Impressionable (angsty waltz-rock)

S

SteveLetwin

New member
This is something I had planned to finish sometime in June, and I almost did, but I started to dislike the arrangement (it sounded too similar to a previous song) and I gave up on it for a while. But I'm newly unemployed so I've had plenty of time to finish it.

I'd appreciate comments not only on the mix, but on performance and composition as well.

Thanks.

Impressionable
 
The mix sounds fine. Everything seems to have it's place. That key sound is a bit cheesy. The song itself, well, I can't lie. I don't like it. I tend to stay away from songs with "babe" or "baby" in them. I'm not trying to be mean or cruel. At first I thought it might be a comedy tune. Feel free to curse me at will.
 
Please, be cruel

Is the cheese only in the sound of the keys or does the part need to be rewritten?

Could you be more specific about your dislike? To me it just seems to be flat or lackluster. It lacks emotional depth... or like charisma. It doesn't grab me. It just drags along being unimpressive.

After I had given up on this, I started to remake it in 4/4 time at a much faster tempo, perhaps that would've been a better route. If you prefer the comedy tunes, just wait for my next number, it's a techno/dance song with clips taken from gamespy.com.
 
I like the drum sound. Snare sounds great. I can live with the keyboard but can see why someone would find it a bit cheesy. Maybe turn it down a bit. Whenever something's done in a waltz, you're bordering on cheese as it is, that timing just has that quality to it. And then to put "do you love me baby" type lyrics on top of it almost had me waiting for a punch line.
 
The lyrics (and the basic song structure) were written years ago... I think while I was still in high school. Clearly I should rework them. Either turn down the schmaltz but keep it serious, or actually add punchlines.

For me, the parts of the lyrics I like are 1) just using 'impressionable' and 2) 'i thought you were serious but you were joking / you thought i was joking but i was not'.

RAMI, how do you feel about the drum fills and the sound of the toms?

How does anyone feel about the solo (especially the length) and the ending?
 
Actually, that "serious/joking" line stood out for me as being cool, too. In fact, I can't say much of the lyrics struck me as bad...Just the type of song it is, lyrically, adds to the schmaltiness of the waltz.

The rolls are good. The fills going into and coming out of the first chorus are solid. Nothing wrong with the drum sound or the drumming all through the tune. I wouldn't have noticed this if you didn't mention the fills, but you use the exact same one going into the second chorus, too. It really doesn't matter, but you might want to slightly change it.

The solo is ok, I'm not a guitar player so I'm no authority, but it's a little choppy. But so are Neil Young's, so who am I to say anything.
 
Interesting song... To me (on my speakers anyway) it sounds like there's not enough treble on the instruments. Like they are mixed fine, but too far in the background. I think the lyrics are pretty good... the keyboard in the back reminds me of a carnival or something. Nothing wrong with that, it's different. It actually kind of grows on you, kind of trippy. Overall I like it. The voice and music kind of reminds me of weezer.
 
RAMI - I'm tickled pink you find no fault with the drums, because they are actually programmed. I did make my own samples of my own set though, so I only consider it half cheating. I think the fills would all work better if I either recorded the drums live, or at least used a MIDI kit to input them. Clicking a mouse on a grid just isn't the same as flailing limbs about.

SnakeDog5050 - Reminding people of Weezer is one of the reasons I had shelved this. The guitar parts seemed lame with the constant chug-chug.
 
Sorry but I couldn't help but think of weezer at times. I like weezer though and don't see anything wrong with that. As long as a lot of your songs don't sound like them though!
 
RAMI said:
I like the drum sound. Snare sounds great. I can live with the keyboard but can see why someone would find it a bit cheesy. Maybe turn it down a bit. Whenever something's done in a waltz, you're bordering on cheese as it is, that timing just has that quality to it. And then to put "do you love me baby" type lyrics on top of it almost had me waiting for a punch line.
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While I agree that the song has some 'cheesy-ness' to it, I feel that I must point out that the oohm-pah-pah type of waltz is only 1 of 1000 ways to play in 3/4 time. I'm working on something now that doesn't have a shred of that in it that is in 3 time (or maybe it's more of a 6). I suppose it might not be the least cheesy song of all time, but I don't see it as 'cheesy' really.

I think I can hear what SteveLetwin means about the 'lackluster' feel in the song. I'm not sure I can pinpoint where it is, and so I can only advise you to try to spend more time on the performances when tracking, if that helps.

The recording is good. Keep at it!!!
 
Cool tune. I like the different feel to it. May not be mainstream, but is a cool tune to listen to. The vocals lend a slightly macabre feel to the song. That's very interesting. Makes it hard to peg one "feel" to the song. Somewhat down, and melonchaly, but also has a dark feel. Just makes it interesting. I like it as is, but hell, I'm easy. :D
Ed
 
This ain't a waltz, it's in 6/8... :) The bitter, unrefined tone of the vox plays off the sinewave arpeggios really well, in my opinion. I think it gives it a nice irony. Maybe that was the plan.

That said, I really could hear Weird Al doing this tune, as arranged, as an album filler. Take that as the compliment it is intended to be. :)
 
SnakeDog5050 - More than one person said the first song I posted here sounded like Weezer. That's why i worry. Also I love to worry.

Llarion - That "unrefined" tone makes me want to just record really raw and dirty punk rock so my voice sounds less out of place. The keyboard is actually a sampled Rhodes MK II. And no, I planned no irony. And the compliment is accepted. I think 'Frank's 2000 Inch TV' is a fantastic song.

I'm still surprised no one has commented on the 48 second solo. It's almost a fifth of the song. Maybe my guitar wankery just isn't that bad. Hmmm....

And now for anyone who wants to hear my progress, I present you the first recording I did of this song back in '00 or so.

Impressionable (demo)
 
Just a comment on the solo. You could have made it more interesting by just bending to some of the notes. I'm not saying change the solo. What I mean is play the exact same solo but instead of fretting all of the notes at their position, bend to the note from a lower position. I was hearing it in my head like this and it would just add so much more variety and a perception of more feeling.
 
RAMI - Yes, you did comment. Sorry about that. What I meant was I'm surprised no one has said "Holy crap that solo is too long. Shorten it up there, chief." Ok, I'm not surprised no one has called me chief, but that'd be super cool.

hueseph - Whoa hoa, slow down there, chief. Bends?!? What's next hammer-ons and pull-offs?? Or like two handed tapping? I don't want to have to scallop my fretboard. :D

Honestly though, thanks for the suggestion, one thing my stuff seems to lack is feeling. My current arranging and tracking style is way too mechanical. And I have no soul...it's a cold black abyss inside me....i should store Ice Pops in there.

Clearly it's past my bedtime. Thanks for all the comments everyone.
 
SteveLetwin said:
I have no soul...it's a cold black abyss inside me....
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That's not neccassarilly a bad thing when it comes to songwriting...go with it, baby...embrace the deepfreeze that is your soul. I know I have.
 
SteveLetwin said:
RAMI -hueseph - Whoa hoa, slow down there, chief. Bends?!? What's next hammer-ons and pull-offs?? Or like two handed tapping? I don't want to have to scallop my fretboard. :D
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All I'm saying is add some inflection to your playing.
 
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