I would like some constructive criticism

I liked the song itself but I'm not too crazy about the fake instrument sounds. You should record the song again with real guitars and better sounding drums.
 
It has the potential to be a good tune.

I hear a lot of strangeness in the mishmash of notes over and in the progression. Simplify! Reduce the scrum to a basic block-chord progression, and with a single other instrument...or maybe two, if you're careful about it... playing solid melodic things over the chords. Simple things. Try to make them interesting. Sing the parts, or imagine them in your head...resist letting fingers on keys do the composing: the kinda random, easy finger doodles arpeggiating the chords....like it sounds how this one was put together.

The result of the mash is a less impactful use of musical power....which is the result of strong melody, theme, unison, and clarity in the parts.

Um...it's like 11 guys on the field running patterns of 11 different plays. Order is lacking.

That concept, alone, if grasped, and applied, will make your songs move and groove a lot more.

Check out stuff like Fleetwood Mack, for example. Listen for order and unison and melody ....and space....in the supporting parts.

That's my advice. Oh, and keep plugging. The only way you won't progress is by standing still.
 
jeffmaher said:
It has the potential to be a good tune.

I hear a lot of strangeness in the mishmash of notes over and in the progression. Simplify! Reduce the scrum to a basic block-chord progression, and with a single other instrument...or maybe two, if you're careful about it... playing solid melodic things over the chords. Simple things. Try to make them interesting. Sing the parts, or imagine them in your head...resist letting fingers on keys do the composing: the kinda random, easy finger doodles arpeggiating the chords....like it sounds how this one was put together.

The result of the mash is a less impactful use of musical power....which is the result of strong melody, theme, unison, and clarity in the parts.

Um...it's like 11 guys on the field running patterns of 11 different plays. Order is lacking.

That concept, alone, if grasped, and applied, will make your songs move and groove a lot more.

Check out stuff like Fleetwood Mack, for example. Listen for order and unison and melody ....and space....in the supporting parts.

That's my advice. Oh, and keep plugging. The only way you won't progress is by standing still.
Click to expand...

Jeff, you always give great, solid advice. I give you props. :D

BTW, I tried to give you some rep points, but it says that I have to spread some around first. I guess I'll go spread some rep around, now.
 
I agree with Ocnor. Real instruments would help a lot.

Your vocals were a bit pitchy (mostly on the verses). Sounds kind of like you're not used to the melody. I'd practice this song a few more times before tracking the vox.

If you retrack with real instruments, this point is probably moot, but the drums could stand to be louder.

Otherwise, it's pretty good. I thought the instruments were well-balanced with each other, and the melody and structure were decent.
 
Not bad. Fake sounding, but works. Singing goes off key just enough to notice. I would experiment with all the instruments and try to make them a little more realistic and tune up the off key vocals and it'll be fine.
 
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