critique a new song?

E

Erland

New member
Sorry guys I lost my Imagine thread and didnt reply but I will do here with a new song too....

I was pretty confused when i did this and i think it shows. Its a little different. Do you think it is lyrically and musically dull or does it hold as a song?

My favourite part is when the harmony comes in but should they have been added earler throughout?

I recorded it without a plectrum becasue I lost it but then I thought it makes the song sound almost like a piano thump on each beat of the bar. I would love to add a piano to this and there is room for a solo too.


http://www.nowhereradio.com/artists/album.php?aid=1375&alid=-1

theresalwaysthedoor

:o





Watyf. Man you crack me up. I am going to try and come to states one day...

Sabbath. Great

Jamal Bucket. Hey mate, you make me laugh too much. Glad you liked the song but it was recorded really quickly, just point and shoot.

Erich Arndt. What a fantastic message. Firstly thanks for even checking it out. I understand what your saying and am really chuffed. Your comments really boost me cheers. As far as your additions, awsome. I could not agree more. I recorded the song in about half an hour and so for that reason was pleased but i dont like it becasue i should have done more and its repetive and kindof dull. Thanks for the kind words Erich.

rushfan33. Groovy. Thanks. Those harmonys are kindof wierd though.

Whyte ice. Well cheers for that. i will check out Watching the wheels when I can. Thanks

wes480. Wes that was such a nice thing to say so thsnkyou. I am glad i didnt ruin it.

muzeman. A big thanks to you Pete. happy new year.

Sound Diagnosis. Dude of the Scots! nice cheers

Guernica. That is so cool. You actually have my songs. Great stuff for me, there was a few shockers though

David. Wow, thanks for the listen

A1A2. mate thats perfect. Checking it out now. unfortunatlye my home in Scotland is quite well, in the middle of nowhere. ie. Cheecking stuff out etc. is not as easy as I would like

Virtua. LOL. It sucks man but i will try and do it tonight. Hogmanay has taken its toll. Plus communication in this part of Scotland is kindof restricted for me. I promise though.

Erland

:)
 
My Scottish soulmate - LOL. Hey, may I take a crack at some of the acoustic work?

As far as critiqueing the song, I'll say this. I like it enough to ask if I can play on it. Can I?

Love the strained voice...sounds very real in this one.
 
I think overall this is a decent song. Like always, your voice carries the tune well.

I thought the melody was decently catchy, but maybe borders on repetitive. Lyrically there was a decent rhyme or two (Take a moment to think, close your eyes for a blink...). Ok maybe more than one or two :).

My larger thoughts on the lyrics have to do with the center of the song. There have been numerous "despair" songs written, and I've personally heard enough of them. I'm sure many others disagree - it's just a personal taste thing.

But like I said earlier, your voice is going to make most any song sound nice. You could sing "Old McDonald" and I would swear it's the first time I've heard it.

I think your gut feeling is correct and putting harmonies on the chorus would be a good idea.

Question - is plectrum the British word for guitar pick?
 
TripleM hi. thanks for giving it a listen. I agree with you, I thought i would take a shot at some dispair for a change. Kind of haunting I think. I need to do better lyrics but this song kindof wrote as it went along which was kindof cool. Yup, pick=plectrum. :)



Man, I cant listen to songs on this crap computer. I try and stream but it doesnt work. It takes about 45 minutes to download. What a bugger, how do you guys do it?
 
Erland said:

Man, I cant listen to songs on this crap computer. I try and stream but it doesnt work. It takes about 45 minutes to download. What a bugger, how do you guys do it?
Click to expand...

I do like I did with your song this morning. I hit 'download' before I head off to work and then listen when I get home. :)

I'll check back with you later. Looking forward to this one.
 
Good to hear some more stuff from you Erland.

I really like this one.

The main comment I'd make from a songwriting point of view is that something should happen between the verse and the chorus. Personally I'd try a G7 or Gm before the 1st Cm of the chorus. At the moment it just kind of plods on for a couple of bars on Cm. I think a wee change leading up to the chorus would be cool.

After praising the simplicity of your stuff in the past, I'm now tempted to do a chrisharris and knacker, err, improve your work by plastering all sorts of stuff on top. Can I ? Please?

(Watch out harris, my version will be better than yours... ;) )

I've got some ideas around bass, organ and egg-shaker percussion. And if I could sing I might try some harmonies.

Anyway, if you'd rather I didn't destroy your good work, please let me know.

Cheers

AB
 
alibish said:
Watch out harris, my version will be better than yours
Click to expand...
I don't doubt that one bit. However, I AM faster...LOL.

I added some guitar fills and some vocals...and a little percussion. I ALSO tracked a bass and an organ, but I left them out b/c I didn't want to overwhelm you, Erland.

It was fun doing this.

www.nowhereradio.com/honestmango/singles
"There's Always The Door"
 
Curses - foiled again by a bl**dy lawyer.

So what are you saying - that my bass and organ ideas are worthless? Eh? Eh? Why, if you weren't several thousand miles away I'd... ;)

Chris is right, though Erland - it may well take me about six months to actually get something recorded. Me and deadlines don't get on.

AB
 
alibish said:
Curses - foiled again by a bl**dy lawyer.

So what are you saying - that my bass and organ ideas are worthless? Eh? Eh?

Chris is right, though Erland - it may well take me about six months to actually get something recorded. AB
Click to expand...
hehehehe...actually, I tracked the bass and the organ before I read your post...we're maybe hearing similar things. But I kinda' went in a Spanish direction...not intentionally...it just happened; so my organ comes across a little more like an accordian.

GOD, I SCREWED THIS SONG UP...

On some of the backups, I remind myself of that guy on The Conan O'Brien show singing "IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAAAAAAAND." Fuck, it's funny.

Anyway, I did have fun, but I'd really REALLY like to hear your version, Alibish. You have an ear for arrangement, and you actually take your time...which probably helps. :D
 
Actually, that's quite spooky. The percussion you did sounds exactly like what I was going to try (and fail) to do. And some of the harmony ideas are similar too.

So to avoid accusations of plagiarism (and a possible lawsuit) I'm going to have to rethink.

Nu-metal salsa version coming right up...

Needless to say - I like your version Chris. ;)
 
Just coming up for 1am.

By the time Erland wakes up he won't recognise his song at all.

I was going to splice in a 7/8 freeform jazz middle 8 (or is that middle 7?) - what do you think?

And I might as well mention it before you do - I think it needs some cowbell. There, I said it.

Cheers

AB
 
Erland, as normal, another great tune from the master. super job. I realy like you tunz, and how you do'em.

dtb
 
Good song!

I just listened to both versions and have to say it's cool both ways. The bass and backing vocals do add a bit though. A subtle string pad during the chorus would be a nice touch.
 
Wow......this is interesting. erland'll get up and there's 15 different versions of his song. Wouldn't that be funny?

It's rebuffering so much that I can't listen right now but I'll try again in the wee hours.
 
Erland, why you are not making commercial cd's for a major label will always confuse me until you finally do, at which point i have an archive of your music posted here that i'm sure will be worth something to someone some day :). I'm no industry pro or anything but I think the time is right for your music. Everything on the radio sounds like the same four piece rock band from LA with a different singer.....cept the White Stripes. I just heard the latest release by them on the radio and it sounded kinda like one of your tunes except not as good. I kept thinking, 'why am I not listening to Cooper right now instead.' Anyway, I look forward to the day I see your first video on VH-1(which I'm convinced will be 'from a boy to a girl'), but you gotta give us a heads up here first, cause I don't watch TV usually.

Only thing I might ask you to change here is to go find the bugger that took your plectrum and re-record once you get it back. I'm willing to make a donation of a few plectrums to the 'Save Erland's Plectrum' foundation. Just tell me where to send them :).


chrisharris:

i like the added bass, background vocals, and guitar. mostly i liked the bass. it almost sounds like an acoustic bass. i like it much.

chris, i know your percussive instruments on hand are limited, but i personally didn't like the tamborine on this one. my percussive instruments on hand are limited to....well you know.....and that would definitely not fit the song!

nice additions though imo.
 
erichenryus said:
chris, i know your percussive instruments on hand are limited...
Click to expand...
hehehehe....no shit; as well as my ability to play ANY percussive instrument. I just wanted to say "thanks" for taking the time to check out both versions.
 
OK Erland, here is my attempt:

http://www.nowhereradio.com/artists/album.php?aid=1715&alid=-1

I hope I haven't broken it!

I tuned your version up to A=440 (to avoid having to retune my guitars). Then I rolled off the lows.

I added bass guitar, egg shaker, tambourine, hard-panned acoustic guitars and an organ.

I quite like it, but I think I might have used the organ too much, and it's not a great sound.

Also, I'm not a bass player. Or a percussionist.

Anyway, it's a rough mix. Let me know what you think. And whether you'd like me to remove it...

Cheers

AB

PS chris - I haven't listened to your bass/organ version yet, so if mine sounds identical it's purely coincidental. :)
 
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