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Thread: All comments and ideas appreciated

  1. #1
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    All comments and ideas appreciated

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    Wrote this song 15 years ago today. Re-recorded it this morning. I'd appreciate any comments, ideas, criticism, or whatever. Was an important song at the time.

    Called "What You Dream"


    http://www.nowhereradio.com/artists/...d=2124&alid=-1

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    My thoughts on this are as follows:

    The transition from slow to fast is not appealing. It's a rock transition applied to a Dylanesque type song and it did not work for me. Either keep it a ballad and slowly build it or just start off with an uptempo intro and go into the song. Either way I liked the song but the production was a little rough around this.

    I like your voice but there are places where you need to hold the note and things just go sour. I would suggest either stopping the recording, getting some air and then try those holds or go for a 10 minute walk and get your lungs up. Most of the vocal works fine it's just the holds that detract from the rest. Overall I like the sound and feel of your voice though. Last vocal comment, too much reverb.

    Lyrics - There's alot of underlying male agression going on here and I am not sure where your going with the message. "I don't care about your dreams now." Are you saying you don't care about her past or that there is no love left in the relationship anymore. I think I would try and define the message and make it more clear.

    Drums: There is nothing worse than bad sounding tom fills and boy your drummer sure supplied a lot of them. He's a good drummer just please use those fills on major transitions not in between vocal lines. That is the space alotted for guitars, keyboards etc.

    The good stuff: Now that I've been a little rough, let me say you definitely have the feel and mood thing going with the organ, and harmonica (although this was a little loud throughout).

    I'm done, just polish it up a bit.

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    Thanks for the input middleman. BTW... I did all the instruments. Really the only drum fills are between verse and chorus... except at the very end. I'm guessing that's the part that you didnt' like??

    But I appreciate any and all advice.

    Thanks!

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    A lot of good things, too many to list. The only thing that reached out and talked to me was the instrumental part after the vocals stopped. Where was it going was what I was thinking. Then it didn't go anywhere. Maybe too repetitive without some sort of movement to somewhere?

    Joe

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    Thanks for the comments smokepole. I appreciate it.

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    For some reason, my first impression was that this sounded like 'The Basement Tapes" (The Band/Bob Dylan). It has that late 60's vibe and I like that myself. Did you play all this stuff yourself? It sounds like a real band played this track.

    As for the lyrics, some guys will relate, but the girls are gonna be pissed off at you. The singer is basically saying: look, woman--you are living in the past, you are old, and nobody gives a damn, including me. Not stuff that makes women happy!

    If it were me, I'd turn this around and make the lyric compassionate and loving toward the woman (wife, partner?) Kind of like, lets be realistic and just live for today. Who cares about the past--we have each other so lets make the most of it. Or something to that extent and theme.

    I do like your voice and your tracks. You have a good feel and sound happening. As some have problems with my lyrics, I have problems with this one--and thats not a tit for tat thing either. Just my personal feeling. I always feel like even a negative song needs to have a positive to balance it out. That is what this song needs, or so I think. Just my opinion. Is that OK to say?

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    a very dylan-esque voice too (as crawdad pointed out). the transition to the fast bit seems too sudden to me, but both the slow and fast bits by themselves sound very good! the harmonica also added to the dylan vibe! the guitar solo at 2:40 is also cool!

    cheers!

    KB

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    Thanks for the comments guys...

    Crawdad... I wrote those lyrics 15 years ago.... and I played and recorded all of the instruments yesterday morning. Many years ago I was dumped and went through the Big "D". That is what the song is about. But you're right that it probably won't win any awards from the gals.

    Kartikbala... thanks for the compliments. I'm a huge Dylan fan and have been since I was about 10 years old. It's what I grew up listening to so it's pretty natural.

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    this is the first one of yours i've heard.....and it sounds a lot like bob dylan. i bet you do real good covers of dylan.

    things that struck me good:
    1. pretty tight for being a one man band. it's never easy to track yourself over and over and wind up with something that tight. nice job.
    2. acoustic guitar performance was real nice.

    things that didn't strike me good:
    1. it sounded almost too much like dylan.
    2. couple vocal bobbles on your longer notes, just lacking support imo.
    3. the transition was a little too abrupt.
    4. the snare drum

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    I agree with most of the above comments.
    When it first started, I thought to myself "wow, a young John Prine".....but you lost me at the tempo change.



    bd

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