Advice on this song? (demo)

Very mechanical MIDI piano...stiff and lifeless. Bass too big and uninteresting. The whole could use some "organics".

Harmonically and rythmically very narrow. And inadequate preparation for the modulation....brain gets twisted with the unexpected turn. Not in a good way.

Melody weak and locked into pentatonic....with the bass doubling...all the time. No tension/resolve in the structure anywhere to lend cranioaural interest.

Akwardly phrased words. Sometimes you can get away with that...but these particular usages hit me in a bad way.

Listen for the music you were created with, already written, in your head, attached to your thoughts as a soundtrack. You composed this, I think. Much better stuff is playing un-noticed between your ears. Listen for it, and transcribe. You don't have to know a lick of music theory; just refine the skill of making the head-tunes real. Work it!
 
I applaud the effort young man, especially the effort at making a composition. It does sound kinda awkward and disconnected, go back relax, try to make the parts fit/flow like a jam or improv.

Welcome to HR, keep at it.
 
I thought this was decent. I thought the tempo was a bit too fast. It made delivery of some of the vocal a little difficult. Some of the vocal lines had an awkward cadence. Nice singing voice - very pleasant.

I heard some distortion on the vocal track in a few places. Practice "working the mic." When you really hit a word hard, pull back from the mic just a bit so you don't overdrive it.
 
thanks for all the advice! I did notice during the recording that the song was too fast, especially when i was trying to sing, but i was too lazy to re-record the entire thing at the moment. haha.
 
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