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Thread: Added Lyrics

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    Added Lyrics

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    I posted my song "Leona" awhile back. Anybody that has been on my threads knows the background, but for those who don't, it about my grandmother's death. I received a lot of good, positive feedback on the song itself, and surprisingly, good vibes on the mix . The most common feedback I got when I posted it to the songwriter's forum was that it needed lyrics. After some personal soul searching, I wrote some lyrics and recut the song with the lyrics on it. I need some feedback as to whether it's good as a song, and some help to get it up to specs. First off, I know the mix on this isn't as good as it should be, because I didn't take the time to get it perfect (and that will show), but I need an overall impression on how it will work as a song. Be very critical of the last bridge before the last chorus. It wrote it as a throw-in, and I don't like it. Please try to get past my voice, I know it sucks, and so do the vocal harmonies. I am going to try and enlist some decent singers and redo that part. Please just check it out and make suggestions on what to do with it. Thanks. And by the way, you can't hurt my feelings, so be brutal if you must. Here is the link:

    http://www.soundclick.com/bands/1/krystalcobramusic.htm

    Eddie
    Instead of a Do Not Disturb Sign, I need one that says "Already Disturbed. Proceed With Caution".

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    No one? Maybe I'll just take it down....
    Instead of a Do Not Disturb Sign, I need one that says "Already Disturbed. Proceed With Caution".

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    Sorry you didn't get many replies Rokket.

    Perhaps it's the source inspiration, I mean passing grandparents will definitely evoke sympathy but it's also a far cry from the traditional rock and rock in your face rebellion.

    I thought the melody vox lines were workable, a little repetitious from verse to verse. But I found that they were still hard to discern, I wasn't able to lyrically pick out anything you were saying.
    Keep doing what you're doing - Woodward

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    Yeah, it's a shoddy mix at best. I am going to remix it and put it back up there. I can't pick out the lyrics myself. Thanks for the reply.
    Instead of a Do Not Disturb Sign, I need one that says "Already Disturbed. Proceed With Caution".

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    hey bud....

    thanks for leaving it up for awhile; i know how you are,

    anyways, after a listen--
    i like it, but it is repetitive. i don't know, maybe it needs a solo, and cut out a verse or chorus or whatever, to shorten it up a bit. i think that would make it a little more listen-able.

    as far as the lyrics, i thought they were, uh... so so. but with the repetitiveness of the melody, it got kind of boring trying to just listen for the lyrics. but they weren't bad.

    i'm glad you took the time to go for my last suggestion ( i think), about adding on a little more, like you did at the end. i'm finding myself that it's good to try to add things in as much as you can with your songs--fills, little riffs that separate the song from just being chords, ya know?

    take care and i hope you keep working on the music... i should have some of my newer stuff up by next week--i'm still learning how to 'mix',

    zim
    I'm just trying to write a decent song...

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    Quote Originally Posted by zim
    hey bud....

    thanks for leaving it up for awhile; i know how you are,

    anyways, after a listen--
    i like it, but it is repetitive. i don't know, maybe it needs a solo, and cut out a verse or chorus or whatever, to shorten it up a bit. i think that would make it a little more listen-able.

    as far as the lyrics, i thought they were, uh... so so. but with the repetitiveness of the melody, it got kind of boring trying to just listen for the lyrics. but they weren't bad.

    i'm glad you took the time to go for my last suggestion ( i think), about adding on a little more, like you did at the end. i'm finding myself that it's good to try to add things in as much as you can with your songs--fills, little riffs that separate the song from just being chords, ya know?

    take care and i hope you keep working on the music... i should have some of my newer stuff up by next week--i'm still learning how to 'mix',

    zim
    Zim, Hi, it's been a while! Yeah, I'm still playing with the arrangement. I was going to put a little solo in between the chorus and 2nd verse, just to flavor it, and I was thinking of taking out the repeating pattern for the verses and just playing straight open chords, that way the vocals will seat better in the overall mix. Yeah, I'm still plugging away at mixing. Anyone on here can tell you, it's not an overnight thing. Oh, and as for the ending, I'm going to fade out mid-way through the last chorus when I do mix it proper. Take it light, I'll be around here somewhere with my head up my rectum, looking for the meaning of life!
    Instead of a Do Not Disturb Sign, I need one that says "Already Disturbed. Proceed With Caution".

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