What you think about these lryics.

Nativikee

New member
Whats up peaopl, what you think about these lyrics, if you have any advice on them let me know please. thinks. In no offence to women.

vers 1
Have you ever thought or lived in the fucken game. Rap game, Tha playas fame. Money and pussy gots no name. 2 names but still the same thing. I ran up in this club, and met this bitch named Percilla. Im a pussy steala, be a dick filla. Whats up mija. They call me poncho steveah. Damn a couple of hoes. A couple of dollars, and all 4 gone in the same night. Fet drunk, get hight, get the pussy and shes still looking for this guy. Not once, not twice, I roll the dice bitch, thats how many times I fuck you in one night. Dont cry, fuck suicide. You can find a tru man to be in your life. I aint down for that marriege shit, or try to get me to push a carriege bitch. You bettewr find you a man, a trick, someone who's a sucker for a bitch. You always said you wanted to be wit a thug. Someone that really likes to fuck. But a tru playa never fucks the same hoe over and over. Red rover, red rover send the hoe to another dover.

verse 2
Money and hoes really are the same damn thing. All kinds of hoes around me. Everyday they surround me. I go by 17 names and I got 26 hoes. And you other homies think I should be ashamed. But my heart knows that you got no fucken game. Hoes looking for man after man, thug after thug. Playas like me take the offer up. I never fall in love. Im only down for the one night fuck. On tha bed or maybe in the hot tub. We start wit some soft love. Get my dick popped up than I hit the spot tough. I know you got a homegirl, so why dont you call up. We can do some freaky shit you never thought of.

verse 3
Life really aint what it seems. Learned my mack skills from my dad. King of the ring. Playas cause these bitches like to take us. Not for dinner but to the hotel so I can put my dick up inner. Never fat cause I fuck thinner. Let the bitch lick suck than im gonna spit. Put it where it fits. Mouth pussy or maybe even on her tits. Cumanitis got this bitch sick. Big time rapper bitch so its in my rap hits. Its never too late to quit. So dont say shit. You like to fuck so your known as a slut. When were on the bed I pull more power than a truck. I got more hoes than a club, and no bitch that I ever love. It hit my head when I was 15. Fuck a wife and a marriege ring. Couple of babies by a couple of real nice ladies. They use to come by daily. Now they hate me. They use to try and take me into there arms. Fuck a cowgirl. Im a thug. Never lived on a farm. But you had my dick and it was your lucky charm.

verse 4
This games getten crazy. So many fakers so they wanna try and hate me. Gelassi of the pussy I see. Hate if you want. Im never in need. I see it everyday g. Stupid muther fuckers like you asking shit like would she or could she. Suck or let you fuck. Knowen damn well the bitch will give it up. See the pussy and you run away. Damn holmes, are you gay. She aint coming back on another day. Why you tryen to hate if you cant even put your dick up in her face. And still your gonna chase. Cause you aint gonna get no pussy no other place. Put my name in tha race. You fucked up dumb mutha fucka. Cause now im on ya case. Hide cause your never gonna be safe. Money and pussy aint got the same taste. 2005 and they both come and go. Same dollar, same hoe, and you cant get no moe. I thought the game was suppose to grow. Hated on me. Man dawg how you gonna be that low. If you only know. Cause now theres gonna be a bullet in your mutha fucken ass hole bitch.
 
Nativikee,

Since you asked for honest opinion...I'll give you mine, so please take no offense as to what I may say, take it as constructive criticism meant to help you out playa.

First, it's hard to tell where one bar (line, not rhyme) ends and the next begins. Here's an example...this way you know where the line ends and the next begins

When I write this shit - it's like a suicide letter
Except it's me offin' you - if only to make cheddar
I'll sign that bitch with my name and leave no witness
That's why none ya'll cats ever wanna be on my shit list
See - it's like Fiev ain't focused on rap no more
Homie - I'm evil - I told ya'll that it seeps through pores

Here's another way with the same rhymes
When I write this shit - it's like a suicide letter/Except it's me offin' you - if only to make cheddar/I'll sign that bitch with my name and leave no witness/That's why none ya'll cats ever wanna be on my shit list/See - it's like Fiev ain't focused on rap no more/Homie - I'm evil - I told ya'll that it seeps through pores

If you ever recorded it, knowing where the line stops and begins again can help you know when to take a breath or when you might not be riding the beat right with your lyrics.

Second, it seems to me that you're just putting words together that rhyme without any thought process. Maybe this might sound different if it were recorded. If you're going to write rhymes, I would suggest that they make more sense as you go through each verse so people know you're just not putting a lot of shit together that doesn't mesh.

Third, Do you know how many bars you have in each verse? If you don't and you record that, you're not going to know where the verse section ends and the hook begins (unless either you made it yourself or it's just a long loop that has no hook section). Most of the time you'll see 16 bars/lines per verse and 8 bars/lines for hooks, but that doesn't mean that's what you absolutely have to stick with.

My personal opinion is that you're somewhat new to this and still learning. That's all good. We all gotta start somewhere. How long have you been writing and how old are you?

Fiev.
 
Well yeah you know what your takling about. I am new I spend alot of time in the newbe section trying to learn. Im currently still working on my studio. Which it will be finished hopefully when I get my income check. Right now im working on my writings and still trying to learn how to make beats. Im taking any advice given to me. all advice is appreciaed.. thinks by the way what did you mean by the 8 bar and 16 bar, i aint learneda about that yet.
 
It's cool that you're new and trying to work on things...like I said we all started from somewhere.

A bar is 1 line. When you hear 2 lines that rhyme that's 2 bars. It took me a while to figure this out too, so don't feel stupid or anything. A good way to practice that is when you listen to songs on the radio or underground, note in your head how many bars each rapper is using and do that for the hook (chorus) too. You're definitely going to need to know that especially when you start rapping to beats.

When I write this shit - it's like a suicide letter (bar 1)
Except it's me offin' you - if only to make cheddar (bar 2)
I'll sign that bitch with my name and leave no witness (bar 3)
That's why none ya'll cats ever wanna be on my shit list (bar 4)
See - it's like Fiev ain't focused on rap no more (bar 5)
Homie - I'm evil - I told ya'll that it seeps through pores (bar 6)

So that part is only 6 bars. The evens are the ones that rhyme at the end.

Also, when you start making beats, don't get discouraged on that. That really takes time and effort in order to get it down. You can always ask around on this forum since there's quite a few beat makers as well as MC's just in this section.
 
man, i think i need to hear it vs. reading it so that i can give you any advice.

welcome to the section.
 
I agree. I can give you advice on the fundamentals all day. That's just to help you get in that groove. But when you write, other people really don't know your style so they don't know where you might stop, rap faster or slower and all that.
 
a bar signifies the end of a measure; a measure is an amount of notes as determined by the time signature (ie 4/4)

a bar/measure is 4 counts/ 1,2,3,4.(1) 1,2,3,4(2) 1,2,3,4(3) 1,2,3,4(4) and so on..thats is 4 bars.. or you can go off of most snare hits..in most songs its 2 in each bar


http://www.dolmetsch.com/musictheory3.htm
 
dammm --

yall slam dunked it, aitn nothin else for me to say --

Have you ever thought or lived in the fucken game. Rap game,
Tha playas fame. Money and pussy gots no name.
2 names but still the same
I ran up in this club, and met this bitch named Percilla.
Im a pussy steala, be a dick filla. Whats up mija.
They call me poncho steveah. Damn a couple of hoes.
A couple of dollars, and all 4 gone in the same night.
Fet drunk, get hight, get the pussy and shes still looking for this guy.


yea -- cee that shit dont work when someone else tries to FIND your rhyme scheme 4 u!!!!

n i have tried countless times with other people i do recording for!!!
 
If you want honest opinion, I think your lyrics are a little clichéd and doesn't have any substance. Fuckin hoes is all fine and good, I guess, but seriously, isn't there something new you can rap about? It's been done, and done so much that it's just getting lame. It's good that your learning, and all that, and I can respect that, but when you come out rapping about fucking bitches all I can think is "Oh good, another song about fuckin, nothing new here." I just think that rapping songs like this just perpetuates the myth that the "thug" persona is cool, and it's not. Gang bangers, and "thugs" are not good examples for the youth of America. Why don't you rap about something positive, about getting an education, and staying away from the gangs and the drug trade, and treating women like objects to be fucked and thrown away? Seriously. I'm sorry if this offends some people, but come on, gang bangers killing each other, selling crack to kids, and raping bitches is not something to glorify. Sorry, that's just how I feel. Keep trying though, maybe you come upon something that gives a good message, and hasn't been beat to death because EVERY RAPPER EVER has done it.
 
wakeupbomb said:
Why don't you rap about something positive, about getting an education, and staying away from the gangs and the drug trade, and treating women like objects to be fucked and thrown away? Seriously. I'm sorry if this offends some people, but come on, gang bangers killing each other, selling crack to kids, and raping bitches is not something to glorify. Sorry, that's just how I feel. Keep trying though, maybe you come upon something that gives a good message, and hasn't been beat to death because EVERY RAPPER EVER has done it.


i agree with your sentiment -- but rapping about "getting an education" . . i mean -- regardless of the musical style (rap, rnb, pop, rock) the days of writing songs explicitly for the purpose of PROVIDING POSITIVE ROLE MODELS is far gone!!!

ideally, you rap about what you have experienced!!! its urks me to no end that the only em cees that get major play/push nowadays are those either with criminal backgrounds or those who fake the funk as if they had criminal backgrounds. and i cant stand the notion of "doing the same thing as everyone else" -- although the adage- "if u cant beat em, join em" comes to mind--not that i agree with it, but it has its place.

all "subjects" have their place within any musical genre -- since we r talking specifically about rap -- there should be "booty" songs!!! but they shouldnt be the only thing thats gets played, discussed, awarded, etc.
--i think any serious artist would do well to make sure that he/she had some type of "booty" song for that particular audience- as well as other concepts . . .

hell, i love a good booty song -- but im not buyin anybody's shit, if that's all they have to offer (yin yang twins, for instance)
 
Point well made. You may not like what you have to write about to get yours, but you can't control the situation...you just have to roll with it and make it your own.

Some of the best MCs never talk about stuff like that, but they're not making progress.
 
Well yeah that 1 bar stuff. I guess Im gonna have to try and learn how to do that next. I would recorded some of my stuff but my studio aint finished yet. I got put back because some people told me to buy some stuff that I shoulnve bought, so now Im in the process of buying new equipment again. and Im trying to get a new computer. So on the computer thing Any good advice on it I will appreciate. Now to the negative song thing. I got probably about 2 or 3 songs that are negative. I rap mostly about positive stuff. I got one of my love songs written down in the songwriting section. And Im currently trying to write a tribut song to my brother and my cousin. I just aint started it yet because I cant think of a first line. But I see this thread got more views than I expected. I wanna think all the people helping me out. Im new and i would love any advice about the things to buy for my equipment beats, or anything else I might need to do. especially on the computer situation, cause them are kind of expensive to rebuy.
 
oh yeah fieva, is there a sight I can go to to learn about that 1 bar 2 bar, thing, If so let me know, thinks, peace.
 
As for the bars, I learned that from being around different folks. I think that's the best way to learn is being in the element. As for switching out equipment...welcome to recording 101. Never expect to have the same setup forever. Times change, better things come out.

Another thing you may want to learn is...learn how to fix computers. If you know how to do that you can find deals on used shit and make it work.
 
"If you can't beat um, join um" is a good way to put it, and that's why we have nothing new on the radio. I see people like 50 Cent, and Ja Rule, and The Game, and DMX rapping about pretty much the same shit, and then I hear stuff like Atmosphere, or Brother Ali, or Aesop Rock (I know, I know, they're white), or Common (who, thank god is getting some recognition), and even Kanye West who all rap about positive things and don't get the play (except Kanye) they deserve. Common is getting some stuff played now, finally so that's a step, and people are buying Atmosphere's records so that's cool too, but it's still the "underground" and not the mainstream that are acting more like role models. They don't have the airplay, and the "soapbox" that some of these bigger artists are just pissing away. I'm not saying that if someone like Atmosphere were huge they would use their powers for good, but I don't think they would make different music, and their music has a positive message. Obviously you can't really rap about "getting an education" that easily, but when I hear interview with young black people who say they are made fun of for "trying to be white" when they are doing well in school and not hanging out in the gangs it makes me really afraid for our future, and I think it should scare everybody else too. Gangs, and drugs, and uneducated people are out of control, and as long as the music industry, and MTV keep glorifying this shit, it's never gonna change, and it's only gonna get worse. Same with the whole "Paris Hilton mentality." Little girls thinking it's cool to dress like whores because their favorite "celebrity" is doing it, or because these rap guys have these fucking slutty looking woman dancing on their videos, while they're rapping about the exact kind of shit that Nativikee is rapping about, it's asinine and needs to stop. If you have positive songs, then why this shit? Why this clichéd slam against women? Why the negativity. I'm all for a good "booty song" too, but this isn't it. Do something different with the "booty song" make it positive, don't make it about "bitches and hoes" because it's stupid, and ignorant. Why are you calling women bitches and hoes? What good does that do? None.


What needs to happen is parents need to step up, and say "No, you can't get that undersized tank top that says SLUT on it, your 12 years old." or "Sure, I'll let you listen to 50 Cent, but we're gonna sit down and talk about why this isn't right, and why it isn't cool to get shot while selling drugs, and why you should get an education instead of joining the crypts or the bloods down the street." Like that's ever gonna happen. It's hard to control your kids when you're 27 and your kid is 14 and you're both wearing the same thing, and.....OH WAIT! Now your 14 year old daughter is pregnant, and you wonder why.


Sorry for the tirade, it's just kind of a soft spot for me when I see this shit filling the airwaves, and the entire culture nowadays. Let's have rappers go back to the days of KRS-One, and Public Enemy, at least they had good messages for people and did it well, plus I don't think I ever heard Chuck D talk about This kind of shit. "I aint down for that marriage shit, or try to get me to push a carriege bitch. You bettewr find you a man, a trick, someone who's a sucker for a bitch" Yeah, that's great.


Sorry dude, I just can't find anything positive about any of this. You may have positive stuff, then do that, and scrap this bullshit right now. Besides it being cliché, it's just bad. It's not even good cliché. Sorry.
 
Yeah it must have struck a nerve with you, but I hear ya! When I have time to zoom in on the current situation plaguing our world, it makes me sick too!
 
I understand both sides of the issue. Some rappers trying to learn base it only off what they hear. My opinion...you can blend it all in. Get some songs that can catch people's attention and then once you've got it you can slowly switch up.

But I think you have to be careful with your word play these days. You can talk about being tough and acting a bad ass without claiming a gang or claiming you push drugs. There's a difference in painting a picture and misleading a lifestyle. But sometimes you have to do what you feel is right just to get your notch in.

That can be difficult shit.
 
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