nave

[nave]

It's not finished needs one more verse, the song is about 2:00 mins as is and will probably barely make to 3:00 but it's for a demo anyhow



"Pine Cone"


V1
I can see you
there in your home
I can see you
though I'm alone

You buttoned your shirt
Your making your bed
and talking to someone
who's wearing red

Chorus:

I can See you
though I'm alone
I can feel you
With my pine cone
call it divine
call it mundane
I don't draw lines
they're one in the same

V2
you rubbed your forehead
and cleaned off your plate
then went to the head
and threw up what you ate

Miles and miles
They're nothing to mind
cus I can see you
and it's all in real time


Chorus is repeated here


Evan Keogh
Copyright 2002

 

[nave]

Ok im new in this forum , I'm just gonna post lyrics for two songs that are for a demo and not really in hopes of getting advice (since its absurd to advise for a song that you don't here the music to) but more or less just for kicks.... just to see reactions, so say whatever you want to say, suggest lines, whatever, im just doing this for fun.


Here's one called


"Too Easy"

verse one

It's hard to feel
when your addicted to pain
cause everything else
is too boring

she don't think it's real
unless there's fighting
cause everything else
is just too boring!

and she will take you for a ride
and she will break your spirit
cause she remembers everything
and oh the last thing thats on your mind
is exactly what she is counting

Chorus
she don't know there's no such thing



as too easy .................as too easy


verse 2


oh maybe something
happened to you in your life
maybe something
cut you like a knife
and every time you do it
you live through it again
yes every time you turn the pain machine
up to eleven
she will take you for a ride
and it will break your spirit
but you mis-interpret it
as a rush or way to feel alive
oh you just don't get it


Chorus

don't you know there's no such thing

As too easy

verse three

I'll take a pass
on walking on shards of glass
yes I'll take a pass
Don't you know this is not healthy

and don't you know there's no such thing

as too easy

Evan Keogh
Copyright 2002

 

[Henri Devill]

Hey Nave..Is that chorus all set as is on "Too Easy"?As far as lyrics with out hearing music...Its not a problem..As far as the line "Cut you like a knife"...How about "like rewritein' history...It keeps you story and style of lyric more consistant and also bridges the two verses{coheasion of metophore}..

I'll take a pass
on walkin' on shards of broken glass
yes I'll take a pass
don't you know this aint healthy
this war between you and me
where you go and what you do
all those hopes that cling to you
This thought of you
This thought of me
This aint the way it was suposed to be

?
Well its just a guess..It was fun..I havent written a lyric in a while..Good luck

Don

 

[Henri Devill]

Oh by the way.. welcome !

Don

 

[Eric J]

Allright...

Pinecone:
without the music, these words put me in mind of a 60's psychadelic song, Pink Floyd-y if you will - See Emily Play, etc.
I imagine some swirly mellotron-type sound on the word 'PineCone', with flanger on the vocal. I assume that some music will explain the word pinecone, and what it is doing in the song. Some sort of portal, I suppose.

A voyueristic song, to say the least, with the phrase 'Miles and Miles' can't help but remind me of the Who - I Can See For Miles.

Also, are divine and mundane supposed to rhyme? That must be one hell of an accent that can do that.

I do like 'the head' for the bathroom, actually.

Too easy

Overall the words put me in mind of a modern alternative 'dark' song. You know, LOTS of distorted multi-multi-effected guitars, dark drums sampled from Skinny Puppy, droning synth pads, oh so anguished singing. Please tell me it isn't.

as too easy ..... as too easy
- that kind of puts me in mind of a certain Buddy Holly song. I hope in the music it comes out more phonetically distinct.

cut you like a kinfe
- hmm. did you mean like in the Who song 'You Better You Bet'?
- or more in the Bryan Adams sense?
either way, it's a fine line between plain english and cliche

shards of glass
- again, in the Annie Lennox sense,
- or in the Who again, perhaps like 'The Punk Meets the Godfather'
- or like Grandmaster Flash?


Perhaps I am missing a lot with no music, or without having read your thesis on what songs actually are.

Overall, I like your words, but I would suggest more original imagery, less cliches. Unless that's your point, as some ironic commentary on songwriting.

 

[nave]

Eric thanks for dropping in, Niether of the songs are actually done lyrically that is , the music is all laid out. Pine Cone, is in reference to the "Pineal Gland" It is located in your brain and in between your eyes and for that reason, along with the fact that scientists have deemed it a vestigial sensory organ that we no longer use, it has been called the third eye. Another words if humans are infact capable of psychic ablities it is speculated that this gland has something to do with that... ITs called the pineal gland because it is shaped exactly like a pine cone. Hence the name "Pine Cone" So by saying voyeristic your pretty darn close , it's more of a voyeuristic psychic I guess. I'm a Floyd fan.. I'm no sure the music is floyd but of course it could be performed that way. Ultimately any song can be performed in various styles.

Too Easy- Too easy is not dark at all nor is it buddy holly... It's actually a very melodic song. It almost is a cross between maybe smashing pumkins 1979 and Fleetwood mac type of sound to it. It does have a contempary pop sound though. All my songs kinda of have the "ironic commentary on song writing" I think At least a little bit in the way that they are standard arrangements that kind of poke fun at how easy it is to write a pop song. However, I agree with the "cut you like a knife" lol it's a horrible cliche and it is only there to fill the space as a temporary line. I learned about temporary lines from paul simon on PBS lol

The words for too easy aren't coming that easy lol.... Actually , let me rephrase that they are infact coming too easy. There are too many lines and each part of each verse could fit in a subsequent verse in the same spot. It's a bit like a jig saw puzzle right now. Actually the problem with it is a bit like your problem with your song you posted....It's getting a little bit too complicated.....I have alot of ideas for it and many lines that I did not write in on the post.... Some of the other lines have better and more colorful imagery... I also am changing the songs name to "Limbic" or "The Limbic" the chorus will also be different. As you can see some of my songwriting comes through painful painful hours and days and sometimes weeks and years of indesciveness.. And sometimes it takes five minutes....but in the end I like to make sure I'm happy with what I have.

In the end I hope this song not only makes a mockery of the traditional song writing method but also our contemporary lifestyle... that is more and more geared towards things that stir the emotions everyday. As we get more advanced with technology etc we should be getting more rational and intellectual but what is happening is actually the exact opposite. We use our advancements to affirm our "limbic" way of thinking. Limbic refers to the limbic system which is the old paleological portion of the brain concerned with the operation of emotions and motor skills. To the contrary the frontal lobe is the part of the brain that deals with rationality , mathamatics, and compassion ie moral code. We tend to favor our limbic brain rather than the frontal lobe. For most of us with maybe the exception of Stephen Hawkings we are Limbic dominant. That is the cause of most pain and despair and fear in our lives. If you were a buddhist monk, which you probably are not, your goal would be to rid yourself of fear and desire which is essentially the same as freeing yourself from "limbicness" and really just freeing yourself from thinking and feeling like an animal.... Which we all do all the time. All animals or at least mamals have a limbic brain..... What makes us different is that we have the frontal lobe which gives us the ability to transcend the animal world and pain and suffering that is too commonly associated with life. The problem is that we don't take advantage of the opportunity to do it and we keep going back to the limbic brain for answers to our problems and the viscious cycle goes round and round once again. People often comment on the fact that violence is natural in people and that people are naturally violent... However, what is natural for people is for them to embrace the frontal lobe and to use it to transcend violence and fear and desire and so on...Scientists who are on the cutting edge of studying the brain are now realizing that the very architecture of our brain(frontal lobe) is designed inorder to help this transendence take place. So, in other words, we have the hardware to do it thats not the problem... the problem is that we don't have the software.. The software being our own acculturation. Our society has programmed us to basically be grown up cry babies and to cater to all our limbic needs. If we were to reverse our thinking so that the frontal lobe was in the drivers seat rather than the old archaic limbic brain then the world would be a very different place.. A better place. Anyway that's where the song "Limbic" (formally too easy) is going... It's pretty complex and in my note pad it is starting to reflect it's complexity at least somewhat.... I'll post what I have now in a bit.


-Evan

 

[tribalbeeyatch]

Wow!

Stick to the songwriting, because a neurobiologist you are not.