Funny response to a VERY SERIOUS Craigslist musicians wanted ad...

TAE

All you have is now
Well some of us have more time on our hands than others so we can waste our time reading drivel like this..... The original ad was funny as is the responses this guy gives...

Re: "NEED DRUNKS and THE DEPRESSED to WASTE MY TIME. AGES 55 and OVER (LA)


Just wanted to check with you to make sure I meet the requirements. Please verify to see if I would be a fit.

1) Need Drunks, Alcoholics and the Depressed to waste my time. Ages 55 and over.

I get drunk a lot, especially on gigs so I can play better, so I guess that makes me an alcoholic. I'm so depressed that it seems like life is not worth living sometimes. Age 55 was in my younger days.

2) Country Music and Blues burnouts are preferred.

I only like Country songs about how my woman left me for another man, I had to sell my pickup truck and my dog died.
It's pretty much the same for Blues, only without the pickup truck and dog, except add the fact that life has beat me down and I was cursed from as far back as I can remember, and that makes me a valid victim who deserves respect.

3) Must be completely unreliable, unable to make it to rehearsals and gigs and have substandard and broken equipment. Owning a $250 car with only 6 lug nuts.

I can only guarantee that I am a very good musician. Expecting me to be reliable is kind of asking a lot isn't it? Let's get real here.
I make it to as many rehearsals as I can, unless my car breaks down or I run out of gas. C'mon now you can't buy a car for $250 any more with 6 lug nuts. I had to cough up $500 for mine, and even that was hard to find. In any case, I always find a way to make it to the gigs, even if it means sleeping overnight at your house for a gig on the next day. I always am able to borrow equipment from my friends who are also musicians, unless they happen to need the equipment themselves for a gig. My guitar is pretty reliable since it was made in North Korea, but if my amp breaks down, since I am a guitar player, I can always plug in to an old ghetto blaster radio & CD player I bring with me for backup. It has 12 inch speakers so it is almost like a Fender Twin Reverb.

4) dropping out of the "program" and DUI's is a real plus. But no sex offenders or pervs. Gotta draw the line somewhere.

I stay on the wagon as much as possible, except when I do gigs, I drink to play better as I said before. I've served my time with the last 3 DUIs I had, and I am happy to tell you that this month, my most recent DUI fine will be paid off, and I will have my drivers license reactivated, so I can start driving again next month, which is right around the corner. You could pick me up for rehearsals for just that short time, can't you? Oh, I forgot.....My car needs a new transmission.....can you give me an advance on the first few gigs, or float me a loan? My credit is not very good, so it's hard to borrow money.....damn car.
Girls like musicians so I don't have to worry about that.

5) But an unshaven, disheveled image is required. The scent of cigarettes and cheap beer are also desirable.

What's wrong with that? Looking like a street rebel who lives in empty buildings and showers at the local car wash gives a musician street cred and an authentic bad boy persona which is vital in some forms of music. I don't smoke since it is bad for your health so you don't have to worry about that. Instead I chew tobacco, and eat limburger cheese for a protein and calcium rush since combined with the alcohol it adds an even greater boost to my live music performances.

6) Really, really need the alcoholic point of view to perfect a truly depressing sound to totally alienate and the turn off any following that would be brain dead enough to like the music.

Well you already read my other credentials so, I think I am a good candidate. As far as being brain dead to like the music, well, one mans meat is another mans poison as the saying goes. I don't quite understand why you are giving Country and Blues music a bad rap. Are you sure your ad describes what you want in a musician? Maybe you need to re-assess your musical tastes. But if you are sure about what you want, then call me at the boarding house at Ph (213)-ALCOHLC. ( P.S. They use letters so it's easier to remember), and ask for "Sudsy". My friends call me that cause I like my beer with big frothy foam at the top. I just will not drink anything less. I think you will be happy to know that, which proves I have high standards too.

7) Apply in person and it's BYOB.

WOO HOO, I'll be my own boss too? Man I can't wait to join your band so I can tell you how to run things so we can be successful musicians in the music business that drove me to drinking. (was some drugs too but I don't like talkin about that).
 
Back
Top