Pop wothout the formula......new song

jake-owa · #1 05-08-2003

Tell me about the lack of a hook, tell me of the need for choruses.....not that I'll care at all.

Just tell me if you like it. If you have the desire tell me how I can improve the mix. I'm submitting this one in the middle of the final process because you guys helped so much last time. I plan on re-recording the bass guitar but the drums I'm on the fence about. Should the vocals be dryer?

Be mean, be nice, just be real please.

It's called "Give Up"

Smokepole · #2 05-08-2003

I'm having trouble figuring out some of the lyrics. I like the song!

I think the vocals being sung in a fairly low register are having trouble competing with the rhythm guit???

Nice song though

Joe

jcmm · #3 05-08-2003

cool

Vox aren't too washed for this guy. drums are buried but sound decent. Bring 'em up to balance with the geetars.

If you do the bass again don't be afraid to travel a little with the line if you know what I mean. It would blend well with the guitar pattern.

Put some time into this one as there is alot of room in a tune like this to do what you want!

And......................Wheres the hook buddy???

Joel

jake-owa · #4 05-08-2003

Yeah, I had a hard time breaking away from the guitar line on the bass part, my usual downfall, thanks. I will work on that.

The vocal sounds more and more washy to me, it might cut through with a bit less verb. I was trying to take a different approach.

Thanks guys.

Toki987 · #5 05-08-2003

needs more fattening up. no ass in the bass or drums. your guitar is usually stronger and wider too. Vocals are buried and need a little crispness. But its a good tune that can be fed and it`ll fatten up.

jake-owa · #6 05-08-2003

So the vocal will probably be more intellegible in a couple days here but till then I might as well pot the lyrics since I've never even written them down anywhere.

"Yes I know what I've said before
Now please hear me say ignore that hole
Stop digging and where would you go
No matter where you are, you know, you know,
you know no matter where you are
Give up find love, now
You don't need to be so brave
Someone else will dig that grave or should I say
Somebody already has...

What you were before will always be on between you and me so
Give up find love, this life won't end until you find your way
In fact it won't begin until that day
So give up find love, give up find love now
Give up find your self with someone or something
To hold onto if you don't come through
Hurts to try so hard to get nowhere, nowhere again
When you don't come through but you could if you wanted to
So make your open heart the mark on everything you touch
Make your open heart the mark on everything you touch...

And you'll find your way through
Any goal you put ahead of you
It won't be limited by your scope of sight or your mind
It won't be limited by the force you've got in your head
So open your heart and make your mark
Open your heart and make your mark"

mbuster · #7 05-08-2003

Dude, I still think you sound like Helmet. I like the tune. Here's just a couple ideas you can ignore. I'm not sure if you have access to a five string bass or not, but if you do, what if instead of following the guitar part, on some of those notes you could drop an octave with the bass and put some ass into this thing. That makes things heavy in a hurry. Sorry, I was just thinking of doing that in one of my own tunes and wishing I had a five string, then I heard this song and thought it would be a perfect candidate for such a thing. I dig the vocal sound you get. Are you doubling everything? Rocks.

jake-owa · #8 05-08-2003

Quote:

Originally posted by mbuster
Dude, I still think you sound like Helmet. I like the tune. Here's just a couple ideas you can ignore. I'm not sure if you have access to a five string bass or not, but if you do, what if instead of following the guitar part, on some of those notes you could drop an octave with the bass and put some ass into this thing. That makes things heavy in a hurry. Sorry, I was just thinking of doing that in one of my own tunes and wishing I had a five string, then I heard this song and thought it would be a perfect candidate for such a thing. I dig the vocal sound you get. Are you doubling everything? Rocks.

Yeah, I double almost all my vocals. Thanks for the idea but I am flat against 5 string bass on predjudiced principal alone. I might be able to do something subtle with a synth, I'll check it out. I will be doing a better bassline with some character a soon as I can.

Thanks again.

Khompewtur · #9 05-08-2003

What is up with the first 10 seconds? It started very soft and then just JUMPED out at me..

Hey i like your voice you remind me in this song of that "I want sex and caaaan-deeea" song that was on a while back.

jake-owa · #10 05-08-2003

Quote:

Originally posted by Khompewtur
What is up with the first 10 seconds? It started very soft and then just JUMPED out at me..

Hey i like your voice you remind me in this song of that "I want sex and caaaan-deeea" song that was on a while back.

That was intentional, I was trying to make the guitar reach out and grab ya by the balls, sorry if I scared ya.

I'm not sure which song that is but I do indeed want sex and candy.

David · #11 05-08-2003

Work on the vocals like you did that last one..it'll be so close. I like songs with no hooks too...i dont own one LOL, i dont think

Like yer tunes man.

jake-owa · #12 05-08-2003

I'll come clean here: I plan on retracking the majority of this song. I posted this so I will look really good when the thing is finished. Plus it helps to get my butt in gear when people are asking me to do things.

Thanks for listening.

powderfinger · #13 05-08-2003

at first i was going to complain about the guitar tone....but then ahhhh.......just a production trick.....nice.....

the vocal is goo......the guitars sound good........however....they are too on top of each other.....you almost have to focus on the vocal too much or you'll lose it....does that make sense at all?....probably not, but i don't know how else to put it.......seems like they're competing for the same space............how to fix this? .....i have no idea

.........try carving a little out of the guitars w/ some eq

powderfinger · #14 05-08-2003

i like the song by the way

jake-owa · #15 05-08-2003

Quote:

Originally posted by powderfinger
at first i was going to complain about the guitar tone....but then ahhhh.......just a production trick.....nice.....

the vocal is goo......the guitars sound good........however....they are too on top of each other.....you almost have to focus on the vocal too much or you'll lose it....does that make sense at all?....probably not, but i don't know how else to put it.......seems like they're competing for the same space............how to fix this? .....i have no idea .........try carving a little out of the guitars w/ some eq

Thanks, I'm on it!

powderfinger · #16 05-08-2003

Quote:

Originally posted by powderfinger
the vocal is goo......the guitars sound good........

that was supposed to be "the vocal is good" not "goo"

bobbo · #17 05-08-2003

All I gots to say is its a really cool song. Good job Jake.

chrisharris · #18 05-08-2003

Quote:

Originally posted by powderfinger

the vocal is goo......

Typo or not, I agree with that statement. It's that combination of the doubling being too loud, and the overall level of the vocal being too low.

As simple as this mix may be instrument-wise, I can tell that it's a bitch, b/c the vocal sounds so different at different volumes...play this thing really quiet, you can make it out okay...crank it, you lose almost all of the vocal...mid volume...well, you get about half of it, lmao. Washes out a lot on my headphones...

Man, those guitars sound a LOT better on headphones than on my monitors...

*stunned silence*

I'll have to figure that out later.

Okay, long story less long, you double your vocals too loud, I think...it's supposed to kinda' beef up the vocal without blurring it. This is a blurry vocal. Turn one of them down until you can barely hear it, but so that you notice it when you mute the track...if that makes sense.

Sibilance to the point of brain dart on the cans on "Now please hear me say ignore that hole...Stop digging" ...It seems to get better later in the tune.

Okay, this all sounds negative, but that's only because this sucks so bad, lmao. KIDDING...Hook or not, it's an infectious little tune. My head and heart want you to start fucking WAILING somewhere around "Hurts to try so hard to get nowhere, nowhere again
When you don't come through but you could if you wanted to
So make your open heart the mark on everything you touch
Make your open heart the mark on everything you touch..." -- Just up an octave and belting it out like you've got kids in the room that you're trying to drown out from ending up on the track.

I really like this...it probably doesn't show from the post, but I dig it.

Oh yeah, I don't know dick about drums or bass...they're probably all screwed up...BAHAHAhahaha...

Yup, it's a good 'un...buh-bye.

jake-owa · #19 05-08-2003

Yeah Chris, I tried to cut the vox with verb this time instead of recording a seperate send to fiddle with later.

Keep an eye out for the suggestions to be implemented.

Thanks for the honesty, I'm not fragile. I appreciate the advice.

drstawl · #20 05-08-2003

I liked it. It had a CARs feel to it overall. That quiet section at the front worked for me. The vocals could have come up slightly but no more than that.

Some young chickie rang the doorbell with some money scam while I was auditioning the tune and I could tell she dug it!!!

She didn't give me any lip when I told her I had important shit going on. She'll be back!

chrisharris · #21 05-08-2003

Quote:

Originally posted by drstawl
She didn't give me any lip when I told her I had important shit going on. She'll be back!

LMAO!

Nice one, Doc.

erichenryus · #22 05-09-2003

i agree with the guy who suggested a five string bass.

guitars sound good but the rest needs work imo. can't hear the vocals and the balance on the drums is odd. the hihat is too loud in comparison to the snare.

erichenryus · #23 05-09-2003

Quote:

Originally posted by drstawl

Some young chickie rang the doorbell with some money scam while I was auditioning the tune .......She'll be back!

that's cause you gave her so much money

.

BrettMckinney · #24 05-09-2003

Nice guitars..very punchy. Do not dig the effects on your vocals though. They sound too distant. I agree there should be something on there..it suits the song, just i think there could be another solution than what your using.

Nice song too...love the start

chrisharris · #25 05-09-2003

Quote:

Originally posted by jake-owa
Thanks for the honesty...

Here's some more honesty. The infectious vibe hasn't worn off yet. Your tune was in my Winamp player this a.m., and it got another few spins...there's something here that I like very much; I can't articulate it, but the song is extremely cool. Maybe that's what cool is...unexplainable.

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