Time to toss one out at ya. What do you think?

[Jagular]

Scratch vocal & guitar tracks of a song I just finished. I am going to start the full recording soon. It is about an Aunt of mine (my favorite - we shared a birthday) who died a couple of years ago (I don't think I ruined the ending for anyone because the lyrics are quite straight forward ). It's really quite personal and I'm not sure if it really would have much appeal to a wider audience (although people have been surprised with that one from time to time). This is one of those "had to write" songs because it just wouldn't leave me alone. Let me know what you think, suggestions...etc. I still want to make it the best song I can regardless of it's breadth of appeal.

Thanks in advance for listenting and/or commenting.

Oh & P.S. my apologies for anyone that has already heard it in the mixing clinic. Plus I just quickly typed up the lyrics so please excuse any slight inconsistancies, if any, to the recorded version.

Miss Her So

Verse:

Well all of us cousins would line up at her feet
A visit from Aunt Janice meant that we’d get something sweet
Back then we took her for granted and now she had to go
God we’re gonna miss her so

Verse:

She would faithfully show up at all our big events
And she’d lug that One Step Polaroid with her every where she went
Then she’d show off those pictures everywhere she’d go
God we’re gonna miss her so

Bridge:

Why God never gave her a child of her own is a mystery to me
I know he has his reasons that I just can’t see
But he gave her a love for each one of us just like we were her own
God we’re gonna miss her so

Verse:

I got to tell her “I love you” just hours before she passed
Then I prayed the Lord would take her up as she breathed her last
If there’s a toll road to Heaven, I’d say her love has paid that toll
God we’re gonna miss her so

Tag:

Down here we’re gonna miss her so

[bdbdbuck]

Good stuff Jag!
I listened to "The gift" too while I was there. Both are well written songs.
I read one of your other posts where you are fooling with mic placement because of the sound you are getting with your Celeb. I have the same problem, it's the Korean curse! I recently started using my V-Amp 2 and have gotten some great results. You might want to give it a try. It never occured to me that I could use the V-Amp for acoustic until last week......duh.
I want to compliment you again on your tunes, I'd like to hear more.

bd

[tanlith]

Originally posted by Jagular
Dude... I love it... though while singing along in my head I did manage to basterdize it a bit and chang words... I'll share what I did in my mind... The word changes (I think) give it a little more country sound/flow... try em out an lemme know what ya think.


Verse:

Well me and my cousins would line up at her feet
A visit from Aunt Janice meant we’d all get something sweet
Back then we took her for granted and now she had to go
God we’re gonna miss her so

Possible change: "Back then" to "Sometimes" <-- I'm sure you didn't take her for granted AL the time which the original line might hint at?

Verse:

She would faithfully show up at all our big events
And she’d lug that One Step Polaroid removed "with her" to allow a slight melodic pause every where she went
Then she’d show off those pictures wherever she would go
God we’re gonna miss her so

Bridge:

Why God never gave her a child of her own is a mystery to me
I know he has his reasons that I just can’t see
But he gave her a love for each one of us just like we were her own
God we’re gonna miss her so

Verse:

I got to tell her “I love you” just hours before she passed
Then I prayed the Lord would take her up as she breathed her last
If there’s price to enter Heaven, I’d say her love has paid that toll
God we’re gonna miss her so

Tag:

Down here we’re gonna miss her so [/B]

OK I changed a bunch of stuff... I hope it's not too much... some of it (like changing "everywhere she'd go" to "wherever she would go") doesn't change a thing as far as the idea or thought... it just flows easer (to me -- course that could just be part of how we talk around here... heh)

- Tanlith -

P.S. - I got misty... reminded me of my Grandpa... this is definitely a keeper dude!

[tanlith]

Originally posted by bdbdbuck
Good stuff Jag!
I listened to "The gift" too while I was there. Both are well written songs.
I read one of your other posts where you are fooling with mic placement because of the sound you are getting with your Celeb. I have the same problem, it's the Korean curse! I recently started using my V-Amp 2 and have gotten some great results. You might want to give it a try. It never occured to me that I could use the V-Amp for acoustic until last week......duh.
I want to compliment you again on your tunes, I'd like to hear more.

bd

I heard somewhere (At a recording seminar from some guy who's supposed to be an "acoustics engineer" or something -- long time ago) that Ovation guitars sound great live because of the curved back... but that curved back is also the reason they're a pain to record. Something about being designed to project the sound throughout the whole room... a flat back is better to record with because it has a "sweet spot" where the best tone is projected.

Yes indeed... I'm a walking encyclopedia of useless trivia.

... so why can't I ever remember where I put my damn car keys???

- Tanlith -

[bdbdbuck]

With the celebrities, it's a little different for some reason. I used to have a custom balladeer that had a great tone direct or any other way, I just don't get that with the celebrity. The V-Amp just makes it sound like the balladeer, and I still saved a bunch of money!
Loose your car keys, lol....when I did the open mic last week, I damn near left my guitar at the bar! I guess that wouldn't have been too bad, except there was a brand new set of strings in the case.


bd

[Jagular]

Originally posted by bdbdbuck
Good stuff Jag!
I listened to "The gift" too while I was there. Both are well written songs.
I read one of your other posts where you are fooling with mic placement because of the sound you are getting with your Celeb. I have the same problem, it's the Korean curse! I recently started using my V-Amp 2 and have gotten some great results. You might want to give it a try. It never occured to me that I could use the V-Amp for acoustic until last week......duh.
I want to compliment you again on your tunes, I'd like to hear more.

bd

Thanks for the listens. I’m glad you liked them. I’ll have to explore the V-Amp option and see what happens. I actually get a fairly decent sound DI, but of course, it just doesn’t quite compare to a good mid’d sound if you can find one (I’m still looking) . V-Amp might get me by until I figure out what the heck I’m doing .

[Jagular]

Originally posted by tanlith
Dude... I love it... though while singing along in my head I did manage to basterdize it a bit and chang words... I'll share what I did in my mind... The word changes (I think) give it a little more country sound/flow... try em out an lemme know what ya think.


Verse:

Well me and my cousins would line up at her feet
A visit from Aunt Janice meant we’d all get something sweet
Back then we took her for granted and now she had to go
God we’re gonna miss her so

Possible change: "Back then" to "Sometimes" <-- I'm sure you didn't take her for granted AL the time which the original line might hint at?

Verse:

She would faithfully show up at all our big events
And she’d lug that One Step Polaroid removed "with her" to allow a slight melodic pause every where she went
Then she’d show off those pictures wherever she would go
God we’re gonna miss her so

Bridge:

Why God never gave her a child of her own is a mystery to me
I know he has his reasons that I just can’t see
But he gave her a love for each one of us just like we were her own
God we’re gonna miss her so

Verse:

I got to tell her “I love you” just hours before she passed
Then I prayed the Lord would take her up as she breathed her last
If there’s price to enter Heaven, I’d say her love has paid that toll
God we’re gonna miss her so

Tag:

Down here we’re gonna miss her so


OK I changed a bunch of stuff... I hope it's not too much... some of it (like changing "everywhere she'd go" to "wherever she would go") doesn't change a thing as far as the idea or thought... it just flows easer (to me -- course that could just be part of how we talk around here... heh)

- Tanlith -

P.S. - I got misty... reminded me of my Grandpa... this is definitely a keeper dude! [/B]

Thanks for the listen. I’m glad you liked the song and that it was relevant to something in your life. That’s cool (sorry about your Grandpa though). Thanks for the thoughts on tweaking the lyrics a little too. I appreciate it. My thoughts your tweaks at first glance (I will actually be studying them all a little closer…you know with guitar in hand. .

“me and my cousins” – might actually sound a little smoother there except it’s not proper English. Properly it would be “my cousins and I” (which I’m sure you know) which doesn’t quite work. However, it wouldn’t be the first time I butchered the language to fit a lyric . I’ll be thinking about this one. (Hint: there is a little grammatical faux pa somewhere in my song “The Gift” too, which I decided to leave in, though, I can’t for the life of me remember where now ).

“all get something sweet” – I agree works well if the “me and my cousins” line is there.

“Back then we…” changed to “Sometimes we…”. I think the “Sometimes would be a little easier to sing then the “Back then” (better flow – and actually, I think that’s originally what I was thinking for that line and changed it later). I actually was trying to contrast the “Back then” in the first half of that line with the “now” in the second half of the line. Still I may consider his change for the sake of flow.

Remove “with her” – I agree. In fact somewhere when this was formulating in my head, I think I was singing it that way.

“wherever she would go” vs. “everywhere she’d go” – that will be one I have to sing through to see which one works best.

“price to enter Heaven” vs. “toll road to Heaven” - I guess I had a picture in my head of the toll booths on the interstate highways in Illinois where I lived for 10 years. That painted a picture for me, but probably wouldn’t for most. Strangely enough, I had another suggestion for this line in the mp3 mixing clinic (can’t remember what it was now) and this was, for some reason the hardest line of the song for me to write and IMO possibly the clumsiest line in the song. I just find it neat that I had that feeling and others are picking out that line for some modification. Cool stuff. Maybe I’m actually on the right track with this writing stuff.

Really…thanks a lot for the feedback. It definitely will be considered so it wasn’t a waste of your time. I really appreciate it.

P.S. My Mom (this aunt is her sister) is coming to visit this weekend. I will play this for her for the first time (on CD - don’t think I could get through it live with her there). It’ll probably just about kill her. Look for some flooding in middle Tennessee on Friday

[tanlith]

Any time chum!







- Tanlith -