All comments and ideas appreciated

[kjam22]

Wrote this song 15 years ago today. Re-recorded it this morning. I'd appreciate any comments, ideas, criticism, or whatever. Was an important song at the time.

Called "What You Dream"


http://www.nowhereradio.com/artists/...d=2124&alid=-1

[Middleman]

My thoughts on this are as follows:

The transition from slow to fast is not appealing. It's a rock transition applied to a Dylanesque type song and it did not work for me. Either keep it a ballad and slowly build it or just start off with an uptempo intro and go into the song. Either way I liked the song but the production was a little rough around this.

I like your voice but there are places where you need to hold the note and things just go sour. I would suggest either stopping the recording, getting some air and then try those holds or go for a 10 minute walk and get your lungs up. Most of the vocal works fine it's just the holds that detract from the rest. Overall I like the sound and feel of your voice though. Last vocal comment, too much reverb.

Lyrics - There's alot of underlying male agression going on here and I am not sure where your going with the message. "I don't care about your dreams now." Are you saying you don't care about her past or that there is no love left in the relationship anymore. I think I would try and define the message and make it more clear.

Drums: There is nothing worse than bad sounding tom fills and boy your drummer sure supplied a lot of them. He's a good drummer just please use those fills on major transitions not in between vocal lines. That is the space alotted for guitars, keyboards etc.

The good stuff: Now that I've been a little rough, let me say you definitely have the feel and mood thing going with the organ, and harmonica (although this was a little loud throughout).

I'm done, just polish it up a bit.

[kjam22]

Thanks for the input middleman. BTW... I did all the instruments. Really the only drum fills are between verse and chorus... except at the very end. I'm guessing that's the part that you didnt' like??

But I appreciate any and all advice.

Thanks!

[Smokepole]

A lot of good things, too many to list. The only thing that reached out and talked to me was the instrumental part after the vocals stopped. Where was it going was what I was thinking. Then it didn't go anywhere. Maybe too repetitive without some sort of movement to somewhere?

Joe

[kjam22]

Thanks for the comments smokepole. I appreciate it.

[crawdad]

For some reason, my first impression was that this sounded like 'The Basement Tapes" (The Band/Bob Dylan). It has that late 60's vibe and I like that myself. Did you play all this stuff yourself? It sounds like a real band played this track.

As for the lyrics, some guys will relate, but the girls are gonna be pissed off at you. The singer is basically saying: look, woman--you are living in the past, you are old, and nobody gives a damn, including me. Not stuff that makes women happy!

If it were me, I'd turn this around and make the lyric compassionate and loving toward the woman (wife, partner?) Kind of like, lets be realistic and just live for today. Who cares about the past--we have each other so lets make the most of it. Or something to that extent and theme.

I do like your voice and your tracks. You have a good feel and sound happening. As some have problems with my lyrics, I have problems with this one--and thats not a tit for tat thing either. Just my personal feeling. I always feel like even a negative song needs to have a positive to balance it out. That is what this song needs, or so I think. Just my opinion. Is that OK to say?

[kartikbala]

a very dylan-esque voice too (as crawdad pointed out). the transition to the fast bit seems too sudden to me, but both the slow and fast bits by themselves sound very good! the harmonica also added to the dylan vibe! the guitar solo at 2:40 is also cool!

cheers!

KB

[kjam22]

Thanks for the comments guys...

Crawdad... I wrote those lyrics 15 years ago.... and I played and recorded all of the instruments yesterday morning. Many years ago I was dumped and went through the Big "D". That is what the song is about. But you're right that it probably won't win any awards from the gals.

Kartikbala... thanks for the compliments. I'm a huge Dylan fan and have been since I was about 10 years old. It's what I grew up listening to so it's pretty natural.

[erichenryus]

this is the first one of yours i've heard.....and it sounds a lot like bob dylan. i bet you do real good covers of dylan.

things that struck me good:
1. pretty tight for being a one man band. it's never easy to track yourself over and over and wind up with something that tight. nice job.
2. acoustic guitar performance was real nice.

things that didn't strike me good:
1. it sounded almost too much like dylan.
2. couple vocal bobbles on your longer notes, just lacking support imo.
3. the transition was a little too abrupt.
4. the snare drum

[bdbdbuck]

I agree with most of the above comments.
When it first started, I thought to myself "wow, a young John Prine".....but you lost me at the tempo change.



bd

[dtb]

kjam22, this sounded like you had a blast tracking, and getting this down. very good my friend. I dig.

[fprod south]

I have never heard a one person recording sound so much like a real band. Good work.

The solo parts maybe stuck out a little too much.

I think the fact that you've got people talking about lyrics proves that you did a good job with them. I think there's some pretty cool irony in "I don't care..." because you obviously cared enough to write a song. I think it's a more poetic way of saying "I wish I didn't still care".

[crawdad]

Wow. You played all this? If you could split yourself into five people, you'd be a great band! I thought you did a great job. And I understand about the lyrics being 15 years old. Actually, well written and all.

I figured out why I said what I said--we aren't given the singers justification for saying what he's saying. If I knew this woman had really fucked him over in the song, then we;d be cheering him on. Thats all thats missing. Then, even the gals would be cheering you on."Yeah! tell that selfish bitch!" Just a thought.

[kjam22]

Thanks guys...

Erich.. I bounce all over the spectrum with my snare sound. Sometimes to fat... to thin.... I do like and try to make it different from song to song. Thanks for listening and your comments

BDB.... sorry you didn't like the tempo change. It is kinda abrupt.

Dtb... thanks man. I like your stuff as well.

Frod... Thanks for the comments. You take it like that John Wait song... "missing you" I appreciate the comments.

Crawdad... thanks for the compliments. Was married young to someone who after a couple of years decided she was confused etc etc etc. This song came out of an unexpected chance meeting a few years later. Life didn't turn out the way she expected ... physically, financially, spiritually etc .

Pretty fun jam though.

[Jagular]

Pretty neat sound. I like it. The vocal sounds a little thin and distant to me. I don't think it's your voice, just how it was recorded, but then again, it kind of has retroish kind of sound to it that sort of works with this sound...so hmmm...I dunno.

Nice playing. Sounded pretty tight to me. Good work.

[kjam22]

Thanks Jag. I appreciate the comments. You know... I play every sunday in a big church. I'm the band coordinator. Play with really talented musicians who are mostly in my mid-40's age group.... and really talented vocalists. Since I do the scheduling I rotate when I want to between drums, guitars, and bass. But they NEVER let me sing!!! N E V E R !! LOL

So to all the vocal comments... I would say you guys have been exceptionally gracious to me. When I sing a song... I shoot for just making it interesting. Singing real notes and all that.... it just doesn't happen very often. Such is life.

Thanks everyone for the comments.