Newbie Wants Some Advice

[scottn5388]

Hey All...

Im kinda new to the whole homerecording thing but I thought id put up the begginings of a new song that im working on.
Its not anywhere near finished but Id kinda like some feedback on this song...i think its my best so far.

Here is the link:
http://members.tripod.com/scottsmusicdump/Eloise.mp3

And remember Im only 14 years old recording on crap equipment in my room...dont expect the best.

But Anywho...
I would love any feedback anyone is willing to give me on the begginings of my new song!

-Scott

[scottn5388]

sorry...screwed up the link...

try

ftp://members.tripod.com/scottsmusicdump/Eloise.mp3

[scottn5388]

once again i screwed up the link

http://members.tripod.com/scottsmusicdump/index.htm

this should work

-Scott

[badgas]

Hi Scott.

Use this addy. The first one was right, you just forgot the
www.
in the url.

http://www.members.tripod.com/scotts...ump/Eloise.mp3

[badgas]

Nice song Scott.

To get the song to play I had to copy the URL into the browser addy box and hit enter. I don't know why it doesn't work from the link. Must be something about Tripod.

Anyway, the song good.
I'd like to see it written down and another verse or two added.
Keep working on it and make a complete song out of it.

As for your lyrics.
Near the end you say something about

'and now I'm holding back my tear as I look into your eye.'

and then something about

'its not enough for me.'

I thinks that's what your saying.

Am I to think that you would like to fool around a bit more?
Is Eloise holding back?

I'm not getting a complete story from your song. I feel it is good, but I'm left alone in left field when it ends.

Know what I mean? Add a bit more to it, and write it down. When I can look at it as a whole song instead of listening to it, I may be able to make a more intellegent comment about it.

One nice thing about posting the song like you did, when we look at the lyrics it is really nice to hear the song tempo, beat, meter and such.

Like I said, it's good and I'd like to see/hear more of it.