Lets try something NEW!

[Henri Devill]

Well if anyones see the old thread.."Lets try something" {Woolton Church}Then you get the idea..For those that haven't .heres what we do...
We use a line or phrase that we all us in a lyric..It can be anywhere in the lyric Verse or chorus or even bridge...The form of the lyric isn't important{AAA/AABA ect.}..What is important is that we see how others use the same germ of the idea..You don't have to worry that its not the greatest thing you ever wrote!We are here to learn from one and other! Everyones thoughts are valid..Everyone writes their own lyrics and posts for comments help ect. Every type of lyric is fair game Rock/POP/Metal/Rap/Country..No limits!!
So I've been thinkin' about a phrase {instead of a proper noun this time}
And the phrase is.."Daylight comes before the Dawn"..Doesn't have to be the hook or it could be if you so chose..
Lets see how everyone uses this phrase..Lets get some good stuff going!This is just a excorcise don't be shy!I will post when I get something together..

So the phrase is.......

"Daylight comes before the Dawn"


Don

[Gidge]

Oh the first time I laid my eyes on you
Right away in my heart I knew
There before me stood my destiny
At that moment there was only you and me

Now standing here, this place, this time
Is ours and ours alone
The vows we share with each other here today
Were in my heart, the very first day


Like when the daylight comes before the dawn
The sunlight on us feels so safe and warm
Long before I ever knew you
The love was still inside
Like when the daylight comes before the dawn

[theron]

Henri,

You've got my writing wheels churning.

I have seen this exercise in the past and I think it has infected me this time around.

I'll bare my words when they fully bare themselves to me.



Ohh, Gidge.

I really like the way you used the perspective of "cart before the horse/love at first sight/destiny decides"

That was quick!!




Theron.

[George Parler]

Hi Don;

Daylight comes before the dawn
When I look within and find you gone
My eyes are open before their time
To the windows of my heart and mind
I strain to look but I can't see
The smoke of life won't let me be
Something's missing, something's wrong
As daylight comes before the dawn

<><
George

[Axis]

I stepped outside into the pouring rain
The water dripping freely from my chin
it reminds me of my past turning grey
Out of it a drew a qoute you used to say

when daylight comes before dawn
The beganing is almost the end
Your last chance has gone
to make amends with your friends

well thats what came out in a couple minutes. That was a hard line for me. How do you spell beganing (the opposite of the end) is that right?

[Henri Devill]

Hey Gidge..Very poetic..What form are you thinkin' for these lyrics? this Word length looks like a ballad..Nice work!


Don

[Henri Devill]

Theron.. you seem to come up with really cool{and introspetive} words !Im interested in seeing what you do..Good luck bud


Don

[Henri Devill]

George..Hey bud ,long time no read!Hope all is well..How is the record{CD I mean..LOL ..I'm Gettin' old} going?Cool lyrics! you gonna put 'em in form AAA or AABA ect. ?


Don

[Henri Devill]

Originally posted by Axis
How do you spell beganing (the opposite of the end) is that right?

Begining I belive is the correct spelling...But Im lousy at spelling myself so...
Your lyrics are pretty good to start out with!You have some good imagery going.. maybe you could expand them a little ,cause I'd like to read the story that goes with the image..Really nice start!

Don

[George Parler]

Originally posted by Henri Devill
George..Hey bud ,long time no read!Hope all is well..How is the record{CD I mean..LOL ..I'm Gettin' old} going?Cool lyrics! you gonna put 'em in form AAA or AABA ect. ?


Don

Hello Don;
Yea we finally finished our CD. I posted three of the songs in the MP3 Clinic with a link to NoWhereRadio.

I have been pretty busy. Actually bussier than a one legged man in a behind kickin' contest. Our group is playing more, I'm still working offshore 2 weeks at a time, and I've got wall to wall grandkids. Having said all that, life is wonderful.

<><
George

[LI_Slim]

The current carries me downstream
lost in your eyes like in a dream
I don't know what train I'm on
the daylight comes before the dawn.




BTW, it's "beginning". You double the consonant when the accent is on the last syllable.

[Axis]

Originally posted by LI_Slim

BTW, it's "beginning". You double the consonant when the accent is on the last syllable.

ahhh k, thanks.

[badgas]

Sounds good to me, Henri.
I'm gamey.

Lemme toss it around my head, I'll be back.

[fenderlikingood]

lord know's i could use the practice this might help me with some block i've been having lately!!!!!!!!!! argggggggggg

hmmmmmmmmmm


life circle's in reverse
intentions good, but pushed off course
beauty once known become's perverse
when dying love is at the source


blinding darkness all to bright
another confused and lonely night
wishing i knew what went wrong
my daylight comes before the dawn


phewwwwwwwww, i think that is the longest i have ever stared at a computer screen!!!!!!!!!!!! but i am enjoying this.

great thread!!

peace

rick

[badgas]

Hey Fender.
Nice.
I like the song.

I'd change it around though.
Ya know, when you sing it, it sounds one way, but the listener hears it their way.
A song is like a book, it has to lead them on someplace which is the end.
In a song, unlike a book, the rythem of the music is real important. The beat.
So is the rythem of the lyrics, the meter.
I can't hear the song, so the beat is ?
But the meter of the lyrics seems fine.

The only thing I can recommend reworking a bit, is the rhyming structure.
The first vs is
1, 3.
2, 4.

The second verse is
1, 2.
3, 4.

This can be most distracting to the listener, as they are set in the rhyming of the first verse.
1, 3, 2, 4.
Then when the second verse comes up the rhyming count is different.
1, 2, 3, 4.

It's a common mistake, and I still do it. In fact all my old songs need mending.
Anyway, that's the only thing I would change.
Other than that, add a chorus and another verse and ya got something.
Rock on.

[fenderlikingood]

ok, i hear you. im looking at it from third party perspective now!!!
and your right, the second verse just doesn't vibe with the first.

how about this.........

life circle's in reverse
intention's good, but pushed off course
beauty once known become's perverse
when dying love is at the source

another confused and lonely night
wishing i knew what went wrong
blinding darkness all to bright
my daylight comes before the dawn

maybe???????

good advice badgas!!!!!!!!!

now, in a chorus i could change the rhyming structure???? i know this is probably a dumb question. but im still trying to write my first song


i can tell im going to learn alot from this thread, maybe even walk away with a song, yiiipeeeeeeeeee!!

maybe i need to go read through the woolton church thread.

i want to read some more lyric's, so bring it on!!!!!!

thank's

peace

rick

[badgas]

Fender.
I really like the last two lines of the second verse. The third line is like the set up for the hook.

About the chorus.
First, listen to some of your favorite songs. Listen to how the verse is used as opposed to the chorus.
Count out the meter (the beat of the lyrics) in the verse, then count them in the chorus. Try to examine how they are different.
One of the best ways to do a song is to copy one of your favorites, not exact, but to see how it's been built. Kinda like reverse engineering.

Most of the time, as far as I know, the chorus is different as far as music and lyrics. But there are always exceptions to any rule in music.
One of the common phrases is, 'if it works use it', or something like that.

Personally I like to change the rhyming structure, the meter and the chord arrangment, but still stay with in the key. Sometimes I get a bit bold and switch from the key of Bb for the verse to the key of A for the chorus. Songs are written with the bpm changing from vs to chorus.
Just remember that the music and the lyrics have to have a marriage in sound to really make it work. Even if there is no marriage, it can work. There are no rules. Just guide lines.

Since your starting out, I'd go the easy route. You can always come back next week, a few months or years later and make adjustments. It's your song.

[5c0tt]

Hmmmmm.......

A shaking hand on the phone
She don't want to be on her own
Buy some time til morning comes

There is a bruised skin of a sky
And tattood tears in her eyes
Got to try to ease the pain, tonight

There is no time to wait til morning
She makes the call, her head is gone
Outside, the dogs, they howl a warning
Her daylight comes before her dawn

She's all skin and bone
And there's a laughter line on it's own
She's someones daughter, someones life

There is no time to wait til morning
She wonders how I wrote this song
I tell her, love, into which, we're falling
Her daylight comes before her dawn

[Funky Mike]

You guys are pretty good. I especially liked your's, Gidge. Sounded very peotic. Good lyrics have always been the hardest thing for me to come up with, but maybe this will help me out....

-v1-
It feels like you've been gone so long
Memories; my heart grows cold
And daylight comes before the dawn
Can a new day yet unfold?

-chorus-
I remember how you said you loved me
And I remember how you left
But the darkest nights still turn to day
Have you changed? Have you changed?

-v2-
You say your love was never gone
Do i see any light in you?
Becase daylight comes before the dawn
If you've darkened then we're through


Well, thats the best i've got. What do you guys think?
Peace,
Mike

[destorctr]

purpose
who needs one
mouth
like a shot gun
and you've got my ammunition

reasons
who has one
consience with a black toung
looks like your daylight comes befour my dawn

[destorctr]

just jokin

[badgas]

I'm still fiddling with some lyrics for this thread.
Also about six other songs for me and other folks.
Just want ya to know, Henri, I ain't forgot about ya.

[Henri Devill]

Hey BG,Thanks bud..sounds good to me!Its good to be busy!Oh and stay out of trees..LOL..I will start workin' on getting this song together myself...Been workin' on building a small studio..so much time so much cash..Allmost finished ...Talk soon


Don