Input please ;)

[IceFairy]

Hey.. just thought maybe I could get a little input on some lyrics.. this is set to more upbeat uhmsy Jewel-ish sounding acoustic guitar (or so I'm told )

Verse 1
So you're the perfect misfortune
You branded my soul - and I'm
Straight up dying, you'll never know
I was left with a head throbbing
I'm not one for tears - or these
Scattered vibrations, only the city hears so

(Ch.)
Lock up your honesty in a face so sweet that
Covers the basics and shames me for free and I
Thought I knew you; what'd I know?

Verse 2
Travelling to your house at the speed of pain
Tread softly across the porch, tap on your window again
And you come on over and say you're not at home and you
Wish I'd never left you alone - so

(ch)
Lock up your honesty in a face so sweet that
Covers the basics and shames me for free and I
Thought I knew you; what'd I know?

(bridgeymadoo)
'cause the world can be so cold
When you love someone - do you love somebody true?
Could you love someone? - 'cause I loved someone kinda like...
..you..
When you're not so worried 'bout whate everyone's gonna say about me and you
And you're only thinking.. about the truth

Verse 3 type thing
Buzzin' through your head, trying to figure out just what
Makes you better than me but I have no doubt that there's
Got to be something there left to see
When you're
Seeing everyone but.. me...

© _Me_ 2002

Lemme know whatcha think :-)

[Henri Devill]

I really like you use of word play..
Traveling to your house at the speed of pain..
Love that line!
and I'm straight up diein'..
Cool line also!
Theres a line that I'm not quite gettin'
Covers the "basics" and shames me for free..
The word "basics" I'm not getting{maybe I'm not up with the current slang}..The words around it are cool..
Very cool work!!


Don

[IceFairy]

Thanks for checking these out.. I'm a little nervous about other people seeing my lyrics because I usually only let them hear it with music .

Kays I'll do my best to explain that one line.. I usually just write what I feel and play around with the wording a bit and I understand that it may not make sense...

"In a face so sweet that covers the basics and shames me for free" Don't obsess over the word too much; though not outright said it's reflecting the confusion of someone wondering how somebody who can outwardly seem so sweet can be so full of deception.. make sense? Hope it does.. it's just the strange way I write and my lyrics are pretty personal so it's hard to explain, but that should help :-)

not much of a critic i'm a new at writting lyrics. What i read i like , i thought it was great......

[Henri Devill]

Originally posted by IceFairy
Thanks for checking these out.. I'm a little nervous about other people seeing my lyrics because I usually only let them hear it with music

I get what you were saying now..Personal style...Thats cool..Your writeing style does remind me of someones lyrical style that I've worked with..And I think that they are very talented and I respect them alot..so as far as I'm concerned you dont have anything to worry about posting lyrics..Good luck



Don

[IceFairy]

Hey thanks for checking these out. Eventually I'm gonna record this... sounds better and makes more sense when paired with acoustic guitar and my vocals. When I do I'll toss it on the mp3 mixing clinic so.. watch out .

[badgas]

Nice Lyrics, Ice.
Will be looking forward to hearing it.