Critique this song i just wrote i'm new @ this

It started back two summers ago
when i moved into town
we picked up some instruments
and began to fool around
we practiced everyday afterschool
in the basement
this eventually became the band we have today but thats ok
cuz'

chorus:
Look how far we've gotten
remember our first song
we were so happy and excited
our band was moving along

I hope we stay together
and continue writting songs
I hope in the future
we get to play some gigs
but if we don't that's ok
cuz'

chorus:
Look how far we've gotten
remember our first song
we were so happy and excited
our band was moving along





thats all ive gotten so far (not finished) i just wrote it today i'm having trouble when i write songs making them long enough. like i can make music for them that's not the problem but the length (in time) is short.... some one help and also critique my new song..
thanks.......jake

[badgas]

Hi Epi.

Your song tells a story.
That's good.
But, I'd totally rewrite the second verse:

"I hope we stay together
and continue writting songs
I hope in the future
we get to play some gigs
but if we don't that's ok
cuz' "

There is nothing wrong with it as it stands, but to me it sounds like poetry.
A song should convey as story to the listener. The listener needs to be dragged into the song by the nape of the neck if need be. I didn't feel any pull. But then, I haven't heard the music either.

The story you begin with in the first vrs and chorus is left dangling with the second vrs.

Instead of speaking of hope in the future for you band, expound on the band, what it 'will' do to 'you' the listener.


As for your short song. I've had the same problem. I usually extend the lead solo in that case. I loved to experiment with effects when I was playing, mood changes in the solo were as catchy as the lyrics. You might try that out.

Keep playing the song over and over, but stop if the ideas don't come and you feel frustrated. Frustration is a waste of valuable mental energy that if use right can be tapped an hour later after you take a break. Go for a walk, or something. Just get away from it for a bit.

Always go in to your project with an open mind. Take what comes your way, what flows from your soul. Don't be dissappointed if nothing happends.
I'm working on several songs at the moment. I reach the wall on one, but I want to write, so I move on to another song. Adding a bit here, a bit there. Every bit adds up.

If you go back to some earlier posts on what people do for ideas you'll find a mountain of good info.
Keep us posted on your progress.
Good luck.

thanks alot i liked ur ideas there helping me out. I agree i didn't like that second verse but its a song i just threw together, just cuz i felt like writting a song. What do you mean by expound on the band, what it 'will' do to 'you' the listener? thanks.....jake