thing you didn't wanna know about dj's... n' stuff

[Chriss]

for the newbies, there are some guidelines to dj'ing and clubbing.. they're good to know even if you're just a regular clubber.. Since i have to go to work i'll just bring a few basics.. more will come later..

If you are dj'ing at a venue and a guy comes up asking for you to play a track, you flip the earphones off in a cool way, look at the guy with a freezing gaze and says. "What?" The guy will repeat the question and you will say, "off course". You will now seemingly start to look for the record, but of course you're not going to find it, nor play it.. nothing could ever make you play that track.
If a girl comes up, you will consider whether she's barely legal, blond and stupid and if she leans in over the booth, measurements of her breasts can be taken.. if all this fits, you'll dig out the record and before you play it, send her a little wink..

How to make a dj smile : Be blond, barely legal and dance in a sensual way infront of the booth.. leaning in over the booth so the dj can take measurements of your boobs is also an option.

Shit.. i'm allready 20 min late.. but who gives a fuck?

[barefoot]

But I like smart, raven haired, small perky breasted Women. Can't I be a DJ too?

barefoot

[SPINSTERWUN]

Originally posted by Chriss
If you are dj'ing at a venue and a guy comes up asking for you to play a track, you flip the earphones off in a cool way, look at the guy with a freezing gaze and says. "What?" The guy will repeat the question and you will say, "off course". You will now seemingly start to look for the record, but of course you're not going to find it, nor play it.. nothing could ever make you play that track.....

LOL , I do that ALL of the time!

[Chriss]

Originally posted by barefoot
But I like smart, raven haired, small perky breasted Women. Can't I be a DJ too?

barefoot

No.. we dj's are the closests thing to God, which brings great responsability, and all this great responsability seems to foster a breast fixation.. this breast fixation is also conditioned by the hair colour of the girl attached to the breasts.. i.e. a brunette will have to have 35% bigger breasts in order to get attention, a raven haired girl 30%.. red heads are of course not an option..

More stuff:

If you ask a DJ about a track, he will know it. Doesn't matter if the track actually exists or not. He knows the track, but won't play it cause "it doesn't fit into his set"

To get a DJs full attention, tell him, that the last time you opened for Poul Oakenfold, you got a chance to steal some rare White Label 12". The DJ will suddently think you are the coolest person in the club (except for himself)

If a DJ is buying you a drink, it isn't meant as a nice gesture. It's DJ slang. You are expected to have sex with him. (watch out lads)

Being a DJ yourself on the other hand, you are supposed to know and use a vast amount of colourfull slang expressions for the phrase "have sex."
"Munk her Shitter" "Give her Pole" and stuff like that

For the Clubbers:
Don't Annoy the guy with the mic.. (that's the DJ)

For the DJ:
Feel free to use and abuse your mic to make fun of ugly and stupid people. Bad dancers also deserve a verbal beating. If this doesn't kill their spirit, empty a drink in their hair.

Should a girl begin to cry after such a treatment, measure her breasts and consider if you can at least titty fuck her..

If you feel hot, during a set, rip off your shirt and touch your nipples.

Being the DJ, you are allowed to have fun. Feel free anytime to pull your dick out and show it to a young girl. If you're fast, measure her breasts.

[Roel]

Are the other clubbers allowed to get naked? Will you have to give the 'the treatment' if they are dancing naked? And why don't the girls get naked when some guys do?

[Chriss]

only the DJ is allowed to strip off and do nasty things.. the clubbers will have to behave untill the dj decides it's time for them to loose some tube tops

[SPINSTERWUN]

Originally posted by Chriss
If you ask a DJ about a track, he will know it. Doesn't matter if the track actually exists or not. He knows the track ....

LOL

[jason2422]

omg you guys crack me up


darkcide digital

[SPINSTERWUN]

2422, Chriss is right.
When you're spinnin', you don't have time to have a conversation or to make the "guys" happy.
It's all about making the women, at the club, happy AND the owner/s of the venue happy.
So.... you tell people coming up to or in to your sound booth what they want to hear.
Plus, if they REALLY want to hear a certain "tune", they'll give a tip.

[Chriss]

Originally posted by SPINSTERWUN

Plus, if they REALLY want to hear a certain "tune", they'll give a tip.

yup.. one day some old guy asked me to "stop that jungle music" ... with what would be about 100$ .. so i did.. for one track

which btw was Depeche Modes "I Feel Loved" so that wasn't sobad anyway

[barefoot]

Originally posted by SPINSTERWUN
It's all about making the women, at the club, happy AND the owner/s of the venue happy.

That "AND" could be replaced with a "THEREFORE", right Spin?

Happy women=>Horny men buying drinks=>Happy owners

barefoot

[struberg]

hey chriss, dont tell them all our tricks

[Mr. SoL]

OMFG hahaahahahahahahahahhahahahaa hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah oh man that was the funnniest shit i've read in a while

[breakinwax]

It turns into - Where is the DJ- aren't you his girlfriend ?
or
What do YOU know about that ?
or
yeah - I'm in the music industry, give me your number so
i can make you money.

[Chriss]

or even better :
say "No fukkin' way am i gonna let a gal' play on those decks!!"
then measure her breasts and take over the tables...

[SPINSTERWUN]

Originally posted by barefoot

1) That "AND" could be replaced with a "THEREFORE", right Spin?

2) Happy women=>Horny men buying drinks=>Happy owners

1) Yes, it could be.

2) Yes, that is pretty much how the equation works, pretty much.

1st of all, you have to make the owners happy. One of the ways to accomplish this is by doing barefoot's equation/statement #2.

I'll expound more on this subject at a later date.

[SPINSTERWUN]

Originally posted by breakinwax
It turns into - Where is the DJ- aren't you his girlfriend ?
or
What do YOU know about that ?
or
yeah - I'm in the music industry, give me your number so
i can make you money.

Unfortunately, most men don't give female DJ's their respect.

I do know of two female dj's here in Chi' that are awesome on da' 1's and 2's.

Their names are....

DJ MARYJANE

AND

DJ AMPM

p.s. I'm sure you probably know them.

[breakinwax]

Yeah - I have heard of them. They are cold on the tables.
Can blend like a mutha*#!ka.

[SPINSTERWUN]

Originally posted by breakinwax
Yeah - I have heard of them. They are cold on the tables.
Can blend like a mutha*#!ka.

The thing that I have noticed the most is that female dj's are prejudged.

I'll give you all an example (I'll use DJ Maryjane & DJ AMPM).

I'll tell most male acquaintances to go check out AMPM & Maryjane.

The first thing they'll say is .... "Yeah, but are the "tight" on the tables, cause you know they are girls..."

OR

Initially when most guys see AMPM & Maryjane, the guys will instantly make the assumption that the Maryjane and AMPM can't spin (because they are so beautiful, and "bodied up").

But.......

These women are DOPE AS H*LL!!! on the turntables.

They spin ALL formats of music, PLUS the can cut, scratch, and trick.

I love it when men say ..... "Damn, SPIN, you were right. They are COLD ASS HELL on the tables".

2, 1, vato, esse, homes...... (from the movie 'Colors')

[Cwadroon]

Traci Lords spins and does porn, now thats what I call a "good mix" hahhahaha jus jokes

[SPINSTERWUN]

Originally posted by Cwadroon
Traci Lords spins and does porn, now thats what I call a "good mix" hahhahaha jus jokes

Cwadroon, you are crazy.

I am LMAO

peace....

[Cwadroon]

Shit, I thought I was just creative.

[Trak]

Crazy and creative go hand in hand... can't have one without the other.

[badgas]

Hey Chriss, can an old grizzly redneck be a DJ. I have my own tape measure.
I just need to remember to have my glasses with me so I can see what I'm measuing.

Oh, yeah, a turntable and some records too, of course.

[Roel]

Another thing to remember: if the DJ mixes 2 beats that seem to be a little out of sync, then he's doing polyrhythmic stuff. They do these things.