Pop my lyrical cherry(and my bubble)

[theron]

I've never posted lyrics before but, after responding to a few offers of opinion and reading a lot of lyrics, I thought I thrust my words towards the masses. I recorded a simple acoustic version of the song if you want to hear the words in musical content.
Here it is. Any and all comments are welcome. I've a thick skin to match my thick head
Bed of Discontent ( why I don't go out)
http://www.nowhereradio.com/artists/rockpop/theron/


got my memories
in the back
labitto on my right
I'm all slicked out
on a Tuesday night

We going uptown just to
see what we can see
gonna drink with my old demons
and spend some money

Hey there mister bar keep
I'll start with a stout
and I'll tip you with this fifty
if you don't kick me out

Cause I'm gonna get unruley
gonna spit, I'm gonna swear
8 more hours I'll be pissing
in the corner over there
chorus)
Someday I'll be happy and sleep
the whole night through
Someday when my dreams are all beat down

Till then I toss and turn cause I just can't seem to
learn
that this bed of discontent's where I belong

Sipping on my Guinness and
the wiskey at it's side
Labitto starts believing
it will be satisfied

Eyeballs begin to screen
every female in the place
I've never been a player
but, whose to say I ain't

Devil on my shoulder
turns my head towards a blond
smooth as hell I ask her
haven't I seen your sign before, here...it looks famliar

Augh but, who the hell'em I kidding
I'd rather be alone
than in bed with a knock out
no devotion, just the bone.

(chorus)
Someday I'll be happy and sleep
the whole night through
Someday when my dreams are all beat down

Till then I toss and turn cause I just can't seem to
learn
that this bed of discontent's where I belong

Bar band takes the stage
and everyone's aroused
they play a bunch of covers
and I'm feeling like a louse

The angel on my shoulder
says it could just a well be me
If I leave this coma and
set my spirit free

So's I set to drinking
and making up a plan
gonna forget about that woman
get myself a band

Pocket full of pennies
belly full of booze
heart full of aching
and a life I didn' choose

chorus)
Someday I'll be happy and sleep
the whole night through
Someday when my dreams are all beat down

Till then I toss and turn cause I just can't seem to
learn
that this bed of discontent's where I belong.
The end.

So what do you other writters think of my little first person diddy?
I'd love the feedback.

Thanks for your time
Theron

[theron]

I'm not one to bump my post but, are the lyrics really that bad or insipid that not a soul has anything to say?
If that is the case, so be it. I've passed many a post myself.

Peace,
Theron.

[brandon.w]

I enjoy them! heh, they sound like lyrics for an irish drinking song, or something off a Flogging Molly CD. (good stuff by the way)

Refreshing to hear something other than a sappy love song. Well done.

[theron]

Thanks brandon.w. I appreciate your time and agreeable review.

Theron

[Henri Devill]

It has some cool imagery{hell we've all been there}.Classic R & R type of lyric..First verse is really good..Has a Rock nRoll attitude.. 2cd verse is pretty good also..3rd verse seems to go alittle off the trail of the previous 2..The chorus is more it tune with the 3rd verse than V1&V2..These parts of the song seem more introspective.More of a lament where as the first verse &second verse seem more demonstative...I couldn't listen so Im only getting half the picture..When all is said and done,pretty good job!You dont have to worry about posting lyrics ..You have a good way with words ..For me I was able to "see" the song unfold and that is half the battle..Good Luck


Don

[dr.colossus]

i like it....reminds me of me

[theron]

HENRI D.
I never really saw it till now but, your right on with the observation that I fell off the observation trail after the first verse or so. I got more decriptive and less metaphoric. from your comments, I'd call it a day as I kept your attention and built a picture.

From your previous posts, you strike me as one who knows what is what and always has a positive vibe.
Thanks for your time.

dr. colossus.

I'll take that as a compliment on honesty in writting. The song is how I am too.

Peace and pregnant muses
Theron.

[LameOldFart]

What's a "Labitto"?!

El Lamo

[theron]

What's a "Labitto"?!



that would be a very bad misspelling of "libedo".

theron.

[smooth_mix]

I liked it too. Kinda funny. Definately shows promise. Couldn't listen to it. As we all know the music could make it or break it.




smooth

[theron]

Thanks Smooth.

could you not listen due to the link?

I think the song has a personality that excedes the lyrics.

Again, thanks for your time.

Theron.

[badgas]

I like it, Theron.
Like the good Dr. It also reminds me of the doctor. No, I mean me.
Hope ya go far.......

[Chris Shaeffer]

I like that I could see the story you were telling. Its moves a bit instead of saying the same thing with each verse.

Take care,
Chris

[mrbigputts]

can't tell you how many times I've sat drinking in a bar
thinking the same thing. The more beer I have the more
the "I could play that song better" kicks in.