I Caused a Wreck

[icystorm]

No, not a real wreck!

I wanted to create something a little different. The song's about a guy who takes a spontaneous interest in a gorgeous girl he spots while driving on the interstate. He impulsively decides that he has to meet her, so he quickly reasons that the only way he can make her acquaintance is...

...to cause a crash... with her! Love at first crash or stalking?

Here's a hastily completed demo with vox.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page...songID=7588709

http://www.box.net/shared/1nleog7qch

I Caused a Wreck

Words and music by Joseph Spain
Created with Jamstudio.com 2.3, Acoustica Mixcraft 4.5, and Audacity 1.3
Produced by Joseph Spain
CD: Betrayal
Copyright: Joseph Spain 2009

Verse 1
Sometimes in life you blink and see
A vision from eternity
I double-take a rarity
I chase to see this girl
I postulate a safer way
Resist the dangers of high speed
Temptation's law, I fight for pace
I race to see this girl

Chorus
Infatuation in the glass
She's in my lane, I watch and see
A fleeting fawn who's fading fast
Chaos control, I rush to pass
Does she know the scene she'll cause
How far I'll go to meet my match
Premeditate the move I'll make
I hit the brakes
I caused a wreck with this girl

Verse 2
A clever few could ever find
This highway harlot eye-to-eye
I rush to seek and answer why
In haste to see this girl
I formulate a safer speed
To catch her fairer-sex appeal
Surrender to my primal need
I brace to crash this girl

Chorus
Infatuation in the glass
She's in my lane, I watch and see
A fleeting fawn who's fading fast
Chaos control, I rush to pass
Does she know the scene she'll cause
How far I'll go to meet my match
Premeditate the move I'll make
I hit the brakes
I caused a wreck with this girl

(repeat chorus through fade)

[killthepixelnow]

My humble tips:

Guitars
Weird! Guitars are both panned hard center. You need to spread the stereo image by putting one to the right and one to the left, just like happens in a live performance. By doing that you ensure that these frequencies don't collapse with the vocalist frequencies.

Vocals
I can hear some nasty cipping issues, especially in some parts of the vocals. Try not to push the compressor to the limit. BG vocals need their own space. You can duplicate your track and put one rogh to the left of the main vocalist (like 11 o'clock) and one to the right (1 o'clock). The overall volume of the vocals are too high.

Drums
Snare sound dry for my taste. Kick needs more attack, now it's sounding too boomy and the sound it's not so pleasing. Think how sweet a kick drum sound when you hit in the right spot. Now try to achieve that sound.

Bass
More definition, It's there but I can't distinguish the lines.

Hope this helps. Repost to hear the improvements. Luck.

[icystorm]

Originally Posted by killthepixelnow

My humble tips:

Guitars
Weird! Guitars are both panned hard center. You need to spread the stereo image by putting one to the right and one to the left, just like happens in a live performance. By doing that you ensure that these frequencies don't collapse with the vocalist frequencies.

Vocals
I can hear some nasty cipping issues, especially in some parts of the vocals. Try not to push the compressor to the limit. BG vocals need their own space. You can duplicate your track and put one rogh to the left of the main vocalist (like 11 o'clock) and one to the right (1 o'clock). The overall volume of the vocals are too high.

Drums
Snare sound dry for my taste. Kick needs more attack, now it's sounding too boomy and the sound it's not so pleasing. Think how sweet a kick drum sound when you hit in the right spot. Now try to achieve that sound.

Bass
More definition, It's there but I can't distinguish the lines.

Hope this helps. Repost to hear the improvements. Luck.

Thanks for the excellent feedback, my friend. I agree with everything you wrote. I made some improvements to the vocal tracks based directly on your feedback. I uploaded a new mix (same links as before). Not ideal, but better. I'll work on remixing the backing track later using your suggestions.

Cheers,
Joseph

[GoblinInventor]

I like it!

Vocals (since this is all I really qualified to speak on) are a little monotone, idk if it'd be worth adding some, what we'd call in classical music, vocals "ornaments", but I'm not qualified in this particular musical genre, so take it with a large grain of salt.

Gob

[killthepixelnow]

Much better, now your vocls have more "space" Only thing that I still find weird is the guitar panned hard center. Since it's a distorted one interferes with the vocal lines. Try to bring down the voices a little more to make your mix more even.

[ido1957]

Good tune Joseph, catchy and groovin' - after listening to the story in music the chorus is right where it needs to be. I kind of like the synth bass as it is, if it were a bass guitar I would maybe add some highs. Bass players would condemn me I know . I think the vocals are the right level now. Pixel had some good mix advice so I'll wait and listen to the remix when it's done.

[icystorm]

Originally Posted by ido1957

Good tune Joseph, catchy and groovin' - after listening to the story in music the chorus is right where it needs to be. I kind of like the synth bass as it is, if it were a bass guitar I would maybe add some highs. Bass players would condemn me I know . I think the vocals are the right level now. Pixel had some good mix advice so I'll wait and listen to the remix when it's done.

Thanks, Gerry. I think I'm getting too old to write songs like this, my friend. Heh.

Seriously, I need to work on beefing up the "with this girl..." endings in the verses. I cut the vocal mix too abruptly on those parts, because it was too loud in the mix. I overcompensated on some of the overdubs. I'll work on that when I begin working more on the other stuff that Pixel identified.

Cheers,
Joseph

[ido1957]

Originally Posted by icystorm

Thanks, Gerry. I think I'm getting too old to write songs like this, my friend. Heh.

I don't know - I'm still writing songs about Summer Love when I was 16....

[rayc]

It's good my only useful suggestion would be to remove the guitars & replace them with synths - quite similar to the guitar distortion sounds but synths a la Gary Numan & go for a full on Kraftwerk vibe - it's almost there.
It'd be taking autobahn into new & sinister territory.
In fact you could add an extra bit & ad lib "fahn fahn fahn mit autobahn" over the fade out to milk the connection.
Cool work so far

[CIRO]

Hi, Joseph!First, sorry for the delay to thanks (you tube links), you know I´m a Bee Gees fan too...

I like the song and vox and instruments performance, but the mix is not good.

Synth and guitars lacks stage definition (probably pan placement and more mid-hi /highs).

Vox sounds harsh in the high frequencies and lacks some mid - mid highs (around 3k -and snare sounds dull near this frequencie too)
Bass drum sounds boomy in the 50/70 range.

I really like playin´/singin´performance.

Ciro

[joeym]

Basically I agree with what the guys mentioned, Joseph. It would be so much nicer if everything was spread out better. The melody is a bit monotone, I keep waiting for the hookline chorus....
Ray's suggestion with Gary Numan is exactly right, I would go one further and say Human League, with synths travelling over th ewhole panorama. Song's really not bad though.

Joey

[kcearl]

this has all the right ingredients to make a weird 80s electronic poptastic song...i agree with loosing the guitars and sticking more synth in...i'd also stick some 8-bit beats in the background to give it more nintendo if you know what i mean...

btw killthepixel

"Do it rigth or don't fucking do it"


best laugh ive had in a wee while

[killthepixelnow]

Yeah man, all things in your life should be done at 101%. That's my mantra.

[kcearl]

Originally Posted by killthepixelnow

Yeah man, all things in your life should be done at 101%. That's my mantra.

no I meant you spelled "right" incorrectly, so therefore you shouldnt have done it as you didnt do it "right"


ignore me, im easily amused

[icystorm]

Thanks to all who responded. I listened to it on three other systems today and you guys are spot on. The mix blows. I'm working on replacing the guitar tracks and redoing the drums.

Someone mentioned "good playing". Thanks, but that's not me. I use JamStudio (canned chords), Acoustica, and Audacity. I wrote the chord structure and melody, but the musicians are JamStudio musicians.

Cheers,
Joseph

[killthepixelnow]

Originally Posted by kcearl

(...)you spelled "right" incorrectly(...)

...

Owned!!!

[Monkey Allen]

...this is an 80's timewarp. Reminds me of a singer songwriter called Grovendroad. Especially the vocal.

[Rokket]

I just wanted to point out the irony of the title of this thread:

I Caused a Wreck
icystorm

[jeffmaher]

Here's my nit

I think the drums are good...but when the rest of the stuff comes online, it's a disconnect. Except for the drums, there's nothing playing figures...punctuation. All the other stuff is 'soft' sounding. One other element...like the bass , with more punch...or the rhythm guit chopping it up, with and in-between the drum thang... would get it off the ground. There's no inter-instrumental groove. So if you're re-doing stuff...try some rhythmic interplay with the basic...and lonely...drum thing! I hear a 4/4 Strattie chord chop, a bass that you can hear, as well as feel, a melodic theme or two on the keys to weave into a fabric that is more than a pumping kit slung in a patternless bed-sheet.